Year in Review: Me and Ms. Lee at my birthday party at Dave and Busters - December 2004 

Year in Review: Me and Rocky at the Black Film premiere of "Issues" - December 2004  

Year in Review - Ren Fest: October 2004 - Let the Jousting begin! 

Year in Review - US Open: September 2004 

Year in Review - My first US Open Experience: September 2004 - the year of the Russians. 

Year in Review "Choices" Film Premiere - August 2004; Me and part of the Cast at the Takoma Theatre  

Year in Review

2004 started out rough for me. The circumstances made me realize than I am stronger than I ever imagined possible. I am not sure I was completely sane the entire time, but I was functional. Things got better and I began to re-establish my independence. After a bone chilling winter, I finally got my own car - no more 4 part commutes to and from work (ped, bus, train, ped)! I re-discovered softball. I got my own place - in my name - sure it isn't a house, but it is decent start. I got out of a less than satisfying relationship. I, along with millions, protested an un-just war. I slowly started dating again. I wrote and directed a film that, despite all the issues, is quite an accomplishment. I discovered the spa. I started speaking my mind. I let go of some of the fear that stifled so much of my ability - (I still have a lot more ground to cover on that one). I got a promotion at work. I went to the US open. I made a lot of new friends. I took off work for my birthday and had a birthday party. For the first time in a long time, I was actually able to GIVE Christmas gifts, albeit nothing extravagant, but I stuck to a budget, and it was great.


2004 Bests

Best Sports Stories:

1. The Red Sox come back from a 3 game deficit against the Yankees to win the ACLS title and later go on to win the World Series

2. The Pistons beat the Lakers 4-1 in the NBA Championship

Best Reality Moments:

1. Fantasia wins American Idol.
2. Eva becomes America's Next Top Model.
3. Kelly beats out Jen to win The Apprentice.

Best Entertainment Moments:

1. Jamie Foxx's performance in Ray.
2. Oprah gives away: cars, house, favorite things....
3. U2 releases a new album.
4. The return of Anita Baker.
5. Extreme Makeover - Home Edition

Best Social Statements

1. Bill Cosby on our people. Well said! I am big on personal accountability.
2. Howard Dean on the war against Iraq.

2004 Blahs

Sports:

1. Kobe and all his drama. Just shut up dude. Save the drama for the soap stars.

Politics:

1. Bush, Bush and more Bush....
2. The war on democracy, homosexuals, the environment, liberty and the middle class - (see Bush)
3. By the way, whatever happened to the weapons of mass destruction and mushroom clouds? Interesting that I just heard on CBS news, that the predominant reason for the war was to establish democracy in Iraq.... hmmm a little bit of revisionist history.


Music

1. Although he is a talented artist....R Kelly - dude, what's up with all the drama. Grow up.
2. All the wannabe gangsta rappers who only talk about bling-bling and hos.


Entertainment

The big hoopla over Janet's boobs - much ado....
Britney Spears married... again - to Shar Jackson's baby's daddy.
Star Jones's corporate sponsored wedding - tacky, tacky, tacky.
The Swan and Extreme Makeover and the syndication of Fear Factor.

That's all for now....

New Years Eve

Part of me wants to stay in and watch old movies, part of me wants to go out and dance, part of me wants to go to church. I don't know which part will win. I know the first part doesn't involve fixing my hair :) Sounds tempting... surely I wouldn't let a little thing like my hair get in the way of a night out....

We'll see.

Thank you Circuit City

Thank you Circuit City for having your $9.99 CD sale. I picked up Fantasia and U2's new one. I love them both. Fantasia has the most incredible range. I feel ya girl, on the baby mama song - I can't relate personally, but mom can. There are some nice cuts on the album - I am looking forward to the sophomore disc.

U2, what can I say - we go way back! Your album rocks! Absolutely phenomenal work.

And Circuit City, thanks once again, cuz you know a sista is frugal with the funds.

The big Christmas Surprise! Charita and her newlywed husband Ray. Welcome to the family Ray! 

Most of "The Crew" L to R: Jose, Denise, Mary, Melissa, me, Marisanne, Evan, Eric, Aunt Queen, Trevon, Chante, mom, Galen, Dwayne and D; photo courtesy of Jose Thompson 

Stallings and me...are we really all grown up now?; photo courtesy of Jose Thompson  

Stallings; photo courtesy of Jose Thompson  

This picture is a re-enactment of a picture we took years ago. My cousin Jason was in the original picture, but since he wasn't there, Charita's husband Ray took his place. Charita, "Jason" played by Ray, me, Eric and Galen; photo courtesy of Jose Thompson  

"The Medic" (my brother, who is venturing into the world of gospel hip-hop); photo courtesy of Jose Thompson 

My cousin Eric and his wife Melissa; photo courtesy of Jose Thompson 

The Holidays

The holidays were so great for me. It was nice going home to see some of my family. The first day back was hectic because I spent the entire afternoon with my mom shopping for the kiddies. It was fun though, I started off having no idea what I was looking for, but it all just came together. I spent most of the evening wrapping presents. On Christmas Eve, I spent a little time with my Aunt and Uncle. Then my mom, my brother and I drove up to Atlanta to spend Christmas with my cousin Eric and his family. We got there that evening and stayed up until about 3am talking, laughing and reminiscing. My aunt's entire family was there except for one person, so it was a full house. We went through some old pictures and even re-enacted one - it was funny. It was like old times when we all used to spend Christmas together back in Kansas City. My cousin Eric is probably the cousin I was closest to as a child. We used to sleep in the same bed and we were always together. We were more like brother and sister and sometimes we would tell people that. Things have changed a lot since then.

He has a beautiful family of his own. He has a wife and an adorable 3 year old that acts the same way he did when he was a kid. My cousin Charita surprised us all with her new husband Ray. It reminded me of the Cosby Show ep. when Denise brings Martin home and announced that they are married.... We all gave him the once over.... he's a good guy. They make a cute couple and even though it was really sudden, they seem to be really happy. I hope that it works out for them.

All my eleven years olds are taller than me - big surprise! Everytime I see them, they are so grown up - it's amazing.

Christmas day was more of the same - eating, playing, talking, more eating.....watching tv. Melissa, Eric's wife asked that he open his Christmas present in front of everyone. It was a weird shaped thing, looked kinda like a pen. He opened it. It was a pregnancy test! Everyone was really excited, but it was a little bittersweet.

Later on that evening, the kids put on a talent show that we videotaped for Eric. Wow, my eleven year old cousin can blow, who knew she could sing like that, her younger brother can dance, and the some of the others danced, read poetry. Then all of us said a few words for Eric. His son was so cute when he stood up to say a few words. He walks up and clears his throat and thoughtfully puts his finger up to his mouth. We are all quietly waiting in anticipation. After a brief pause, he whispers, "I have to go to the bathroom" and runs out. It was so funny... guess you had to be there.

What I didn't mention is that Eric is going back to Iraq for at least 18 months. He leaves sometime in January. We are all pretty upset about it, but we are trying to stay positive. We all prayed and made him a pretty cool tape, some serious stuff, some funny stuff. He is such a great guy, a family man, I hate that he has to leave his family and go back to a war zone. I believe he will be back, but I just wish sooner rather than later, so he could see the birth of his second one.


The next day, we hung out some more and took a bunch of pictures, some of which I will post and hit the road.

Back in Jax, ma drove me crazy, but only briefly. We spent the entire day at the mall, which was not at all what I wanted to do. But it's cool. We didn't even find anything at the mall.

The next day we went to my uncle's mother's funeral in Quincy. I didn't know her that well, but she was always really nice and that she was such an active woman. Can you imagine an 80 something year old mowing her own lawn? Amazing... She was a small woman with a big heart. I think my uncle was really glad we came. It's weird how funerals are like mini-family reunions. I wouldn't have seen some of my other cousins, if it hadn't been for that. I was so happy to see them, if only for a little while.

The next day, I had lunch with my best friend, her son, and another high school friend. That was fun. It was great seeing them again. Her son, too (who is 9) is taller than me. He's really handsome. I wish we had more time to hang out, but it was hectic this year.

Now I am back. I had a deep conversation with ADJ last night. I guess he came up with a shocking revelation. He needs to let me go or marry me. I listened to him. I had come to that conclusion awhile ago and am content without him. I feel like I have been without him for so long, that I've already conditioned myself to living without him. We have had completely separate lives for so long, I don't think there is much we have in common except the past. It's weird sometime, but it's ok. I am eager to move on.

All I Want for Christmas Is.....

That's quite a loaded statement....there are many things I want in case anyone is curious.

I want to be on What Not to Wear. It would be great to have a 5K clothing allowance and hang out with Clinton and Stacy. Hey, I got quite a few clothes that should never be worn in public....


A Spa Wish gift certificate - I have fallen in love with Robert Andrews. Who knew that it was ok to feel that good? I think I want to start going at least twice a year, but once a quarter would be fantastic. A hot stone massage would be par for the course right now.


Wild Card spot for the Jags - let's be real, I really want them to win the SuperBowl in their own house - how cool would that be? But right now, I just want them in that last playoff spot. The Ravens have the tie-break advantage right now, but I am hoping they lose to Pitt this week and we beat Houston.... I think then, it will be a done deal. I mean there are a couple more teams, but we beat both of them earlier in the season, so we have the advantage in the tie-break scenario. We really have to win our last two and if the Ravens lose one, we are in :)


Can a sista get a date? A nice, fun pre-planned date that is so good it leads to another. Not, so what do you wanna do - I dunno what do you wanna do....ok you make all the plans.... No talk about exes, commitment, etc. Just fun. I am not really into the dinner and the movie for the first date, unless it is one heck of a good movie.


I want God-given favor. I want the kind of favor that defies human logic. I want it to extend to my family and friends. I want my peeps to be safe, prosperous and at peace. I want doors to be opened so that I can move forward with all the zillions of things I want to do in life. I want to get a house and maybe adopt a child. I want to travel and make a few more movies/pilots.


I want to meet Oprah at some point in my life. She is the woman! What an inspiration. I watched her True Hollywood Story not too long ago and was so inspired by her life, her accomplishments, but mostly her spirit. She is such a positive force in the universe.

If there was one thing I would ask for, it wouldn't even be for me... I would want Oprah to help my mom. She has a couple of health issues that if I could, I would find the best and pay for the best to help her resolve them. She seems to be trapped in the HMO quagmire and has found it very difficult to get help.


Most importantly, I want a better relationship with God, my family and friends. I know it sounds cheesy, but on the real, I couldn't ask for much more than that.

Jingle Bells

Only one more night of torture before I go home for Christmas. I was hoping tomorrow would be the busy night, but I think it will be tonight instead - more fun for me. More importantly, why haven't I packed or even figured out what I want to get people? Granted, I am waiting to buy most things at home, so I don't have to lug a whole bunch of stuff through the airport. I am very excited about going home - I can't wait. We are spending Christmas in ATL with my cousin, Eric. He is the cousin that is closest to me in age; when we were children we would sometimes sleep in the same bed. He was always such a nice guy, that I have always felt a little protective of him. I am happy to be able to spend Christmas with him and his family along with everyone. It will be just like old times when we were kids. I am pleasantly surprised that everyone is coming.

Eric is going back to Iraq for a second time in January. I won't get into how angry I am about the whole ridiculous situation, because there is a retard in office with a twisted agenda (but I digress) I am happy that so many of us can come together, like a mini-family reunion without most of the production. I just wish I had more time off.

I'll be able to spend a few days with mom and my brother and I am always happy to see them. I will probably get a chance to see my best friend and her son, which will be good. I am sure her son is taller than me by now. Then I will have a couple to days to spend with myself:), which I need - it will be great to have a little quiet for a minute.

All that to say I am thrilled to get out of the rat race if only for a week. Hopefully by the time I get back, I will only have one job, so I won't be so exhausted.

What's Wrong with Me

Absolutely gorgeous. Let's just be real. You already know you are hot... I am trying to ignore it, but it's hard.

JC, short men....

JC, can you hook a sista up? We go way back, I am sure there is something you can do.....

The ball is in your court. I am not gonna trip, but I hope you follow through. You wouldn't be disappointed.

An acquaintance of mine suggested that I don't like short men. It was in no way confrontational, considering he is not short. But he was right when he guessed that I have never dated a short man. I never have, not necessarily by design, but it always worked out that way.

I think I would date a short guy....if he had a good personality. I guess that goes for a lot of guys though. I have a few biases. They made sound weird. Don't like shy men. If you want something, speak up! Don't like wimpy men or men who always act like victims.

I don't have the weirdo skin color thing. Black folk call it being colorstruck. I like light, dark and in-between and out the box....

I like an athletic build. I like a nice smile and an engaging personality. Democrats or Independents are nice - or just plain anti-Bush is fantastic ;) Ambitious, but not workaholics are great too. A grest sense of humor is tops. Thirst for new experiences is good, since I get bored easily.

Booty Call

I want a boyfriend, not a booty call. You just don't get it....but it's cool, cuz I'm just not that into you.

Creepy

The same exact initials.....

I've Got My Own Issues

I have a friend who I love to death, but my goodness, sometimes conversation can be so draining. I am a good listener, but give me a break. Based on my last blog, I am in no emotional state to take on anyone else's problems. I have a tendency sometimes to connect with people on a level that their problems burden me too. That's ok sometimes, but I am tapped out right now.

Give me some sun, sand between my toes and a pleasure read.... let's take a time out on the drama. I need to save it for my next script.

Reality Bites

Maybe the fantasy is better than the reality. That's what scares me. I think I have allowed myself to get so excited by the idea of the possibilities that I may have lost sight of what is. Part of me is afraid of being disappointed. What if it worse than before...although that would be quite a feat. I actually wouldn't allow things to go that far.

On a different note, perhaps it is not my turn. That is not easy to accept, but that is how it appears. Things are certainly better, but I have a long way to go. I am guardedly optimistic, but the goal seems so unattainable sometimes. I sometimes wonder if I will ever achieve it...let's face it - I only have myself. That thought is a little overwhelming at times.

I sometimes wonder how life would have been different if I had chosen a different path - the path that I thought I wanted to lead so many years ago. Where would I be? How would my life be different? I am closer now, than ever, but still so far away. Life is so different than how I thought it would be. It's true, I have some power to change things, perhaps the biggest obstacle in what goes on inside my head.

I feel like I am in the ballpark, but still just an observer, not a player. How long? I say I that money is extremely important - and it is, but I really want to do something I enjoy. I want to be someone I enjoy. I want to "live my best life". I just feel like I am square one - like I want to scream. I feel like I am suffocating in bureaucratic lunacy.

Friday, I saw a little girl with her dad at the store. I was watching them interact, and I became sad all of a sudden. I wanted to cry, but I was in public. They looked so happy together. I have wanted that my entire life and I will never really know what that feels like. I don't think of it often, but seeing the two of them together brought out some emotions I didn't know I had.

Don't get me wrong I was a happy kid, but as I got older, I realized something (someone)was missing. My eventual meeting with him was less than satisfying. All he could offer was excuses and lies. I always had this hope there was some really good reason....like in the soap operas.... he didn't know I existed, otherwise he would have been there for me. The picture of him holding me when I was a little over a year old kinda dispels that one. Perhaps he had to leave the country for a top secret mission and that's why he couldn't be there. Childish, I know but it is thoughts like these that helped me cope.

I never really thought anything was wrong with me, but I couldn't understand how anyone would not want to know their child. How is that possible? I am sometimes afraid that I will meet and become involved with someone like him, someone who would abandon their children. I often pray for discernment, so that if I have kids, they won't have to go through that. That is one my biggest fears - I would never want my child to grow up without a father. That's grounds for a nice therapy tab in the future.

I had no idea I was going to write about this, when I sat down, but I guess that is what was on my mind.

Permission

I give myself permission to breathe.
I give myself permission to relax.
I give myself permission to take breaks.
I give myself permission to divorce all fruitless endeavors.
I give myself permission to release all one-sided relationships.
I give myself permission to speak my mind.
I give myself permission to grow.
I give myself permission to seek my own best interests.
I give myself permission to love.

Respect

I am so extremely pissed, it is unbelievable. I didn't get the job that I have already been doing....and doing well. And to make it worse the new person starts in January. Excuse them? And the person they hired was one of the people partially to blame for the mishap that occured although I took the hit for it. SO not cool, I was not involved in the mishap at all. Had I been involved, the mishap would not have occured.

They assured me that it was a tough choice, blah blah blah, and that everyone respects me yada yada yada and that everyone thinks I am doing a great job.

If that is respect..... then I am nervous to find out what the opposite must be like. I am angry, but I will get over it. I will take dinner breaks and leave on time.

I will get something better, I am sure. I just think the department I am in is stagnant and not well organized. I think my biggest issue is the fact that someone wasn't hired to do this job right away. They had me doing it which is so not cool.

On a different note, our eyes met, and I know I saw interest from you. Close the deal. I will accept - that's a promise.

Mother of the Matrix

Today, I read a most inspiring email regarding the true creator of both The Terminator and The Matrix. If this email is correct, and I believe it is, the writer is a black woman. Imagine, a black woman impacting Hollywood that way? That is so amazing. Of course, they weren't trying to pay a sister, but it looks like she is going to win her copyright infringement case against the Wachowski Brothers, Joel Silver and Warner Brothers.

It makes me believe that now, more than ever, I need to work towards my own dreams.

Here is a copy of the email below:

Hey Everybody:

It seems that "The Matrix" and "The Terminator"
stories were created by a Black woman.
Check it out. I looked up "Sophia Stewart" in the
internet and it seems legit.

I always did marvel at how many Black characters
appeared in The Matrix. It's so unusual for a
blockbuster movie like that to cast so many Black
actors. Sci-Fi, too. I don't know if it's true or not,
but I read somewhere that Will Smith was offered the
role of Neo but turned it down. Maybe that's why Jada
is in the sequel.




Globe Link - Entertainment Issue: 10/28/04
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Mother of the Matrix" Victorious By Martha Carter

Monday, October 4th 2004 ended a six-year dispute
involving
Sophia Stewart, the Wachowski Brothers, Joel Silver
and Warner
Brothers. Stewart's allegations, involving copyright
infringement
and racketeering, were received and acknowledged by
the
Central District of California, Judge Margaret Morrow
residing.

Stewart, a New Yorker who has resided in Salt Lake
City for the
past five years, will recover damages from the films,
The Matrix I,
II and III, as well as The Terminator and its sequels.
She will
soon receive one of the biggest payoffs in the history
of
Hollywood, as the gross receipts of both films and
their sequels
total over 2.5 billion dollars.

Stewart filed her case in 1999, after viewing the
Matrix, which she
felt had been based on her manuscript, "The Third
Eye,"
copyrighted in 1981. In the mid-eighties Stewart had
submitted
her manuscript to an ad placed by the Wachowski
Brothers,
requesting new sci-fi works.

According to court documentation, an FBI investigation
discovered that more than thirty minutes had been
edited from
the original film, in attempt to avoid penalties for
copyright
infringement. The investigation also stated that
"credible
witnesses employed at Warner Brothers came forward,
claiming
that the executives and lawyers had full knowledge
that the work
in question did not belong to the Wachowski Brothers."
These
witnesses claimed to have seen Stewart's original work
and that
it had been "often used during preparation of the
motion
pictures." The defendants tried, on several
occasions, to have
Stewart's case dismissed, without success.

Stewart has confronted skepticism on all sides, much
of which
comes from Matrix fans, who are strangely loyal to the
Wachowski Brothers. One on-line forum, entitled Matrix
Explained has an entire section devoted to Stewart.
Some who have researched her history and writings are
open to
her story. Others are suspicious and mocking. "It
doesn't bother
me," said Stewart in a phone interview last week, "I
always knew
what was true."

Some fans, are unaware of the case or they question
its
legitimacy, due to the fact that it has received
little to no media
coverage. Though the case was not made public until
October of
2003, Stewart has her own explanation, as quoted at
daghettotymz.com:

"The reason you have not seen any of this in the media
is
because Warner Brothers parent company is AOL-Time
Warner... this GIANT owns 95 percent of the media...
let me give
you a clue as to what they own in the media
business... New
York Times papers/magazines, LA Times
papers/magazines,
People Magazine, CNN news, Extra, Celebrity Justice,
Entertainment Tonight, HBO, New Line Cinema,
Dreamworks,
Newsweek, Village Roadshow... many, many
more!... They are not going to report on themselves.
They have
been surpressing my case for years..."

Fans who have taken Stewart's allegations seriously,
have found
eerie mythological parallels, which seem significant
in a case
that revolves around the highly metaphorical and
symbolic Matrix
series. Sophia, the greek goddess of wisdom has been
referenced many times in speculation about Stewart. In
one
book about the Goddess Sophia, it reads, "The black
goddess
is the mistress of web creation spun in her divine
matrix."

Although there have been outside implications as to
racial
injustice (Stewart is African American), she does not
feel that
this is the case. "This is all about the Benjamins,"
said Stewart.
"It's not about money with me. It's about justice."

Stewart's future plans involve a record label,
entitled Popsilk
Records, and a motion picture production company, All
Eyez On
Me, in reference to God. "I wrote The Third Eye to
wake people
up, to remind them why God put them here.
There's more to life than money," said Stewart. "My
whole
message to the world is about God and good and about
choice,
about spirituality prevailing over 'technocracy'."

If Stewart represents spirituality, then she truly has
prevailed
over the "technocracy" represented in both the
Terminator and
the Matrix, and now, ironically, by their supposed
creators.

Stewart is currently having discussions with CBS about
a
possible exclusive story and has several media
engagements in
the near future to nationally publicize her victory.

Source:
http://www.slccglobelink.com/main.cfm?include=subApplication&subApplicationName=quickRegister&fuse=registrationOrLoginRequired&thereferer=http%3A//www.slccglobelink.com/main.cfm/include/detail/storyid/785067.html




---------------------------------


Additional Excerpts:

http://asp.african-institute.org/articles.asp?Indeks=113

June 13th 2004. Sophia Stewart's press release read:
"The Matrix & Terminator movie franchises have made
world history and have ultimately changed the way
people view movies and how Hollywood do business, yet
the real truth about the creator and creation of these
films continue to allude the masses because the hidden
secret of the matter is that these films were created
and written by a Black woman... a Black woman named
Sophia Stewart. But Hollywood does not want you to
know this fact simply because it would change history.
Also it would encourage our Black children to realize
a dream and that is... nothing is impossible for them
to achieve!"

My People....

Why, lord why? What's up with my people? Why do we find giving advance notice so challenging?

Profanity Unleashed

Ok, my vow to shed the profanity was irrefutably broken within fifteen minutes of me going to work yesterday....

Shall we try it again?

Birthday Weekend

I am so proud of myself. This past birthday has shown me so much about myself. I have grown in so many ways this past year. Last year, I would have never taken off work - and even if I had, I would have never used the time to do something for myself. Also, I would have never had the courage to invite people to dinner and dancing afterwards. I know that sounds crazy, but hosting an event has always been one of my biggest hangups - like there always that fear that no one will show up.... and for the past few years I didn't really feel like there was any reason to celebrate. I didn't even feel like I deserved to have a gathering of any kind. Just those two things alone are signs of the work I have done this past year.

This birthday was truly about improvisation. The only thing I was sure of, was the fact that I wanted to go to the spa and have a hot stone massage. So I made the appointment and got a call on Thursday that the masseuse had injured his hand and would have to cancel. I was really sad, since I was so looking forward to that. Instead I got a twenty minute back massage (the only thing they had available) and a pedicure. Pedicures are sooo fantastic. Then I had a nice lunch and came home to get ready for an independent film premiere.

I went to the premiere with Rocky and it was really a great event. They had cocktails and dinner prior to the screening and the food was great. One of the sponsors was Tanqueray and you could have as many as you wanted.... It was really a nice size crowd. The name of the movie is "Issues" by Van Elder.

All in all, it was a pretty entertaining flick. It was a comedy and it was definitely told from the black male perspective. Some things struck me as funny, some didn't. It was interesting in that he added some nice twists in the movie. I enjoyed it overall, and I met a couple of interesting people there as well as I ran into a couple of familiar faces.

We went to the afterparty which was at Pearl. And it turned out to be fun, we stayed until closing.

Saturday, I had to run errands and then I hung out with Dale for a minute. Then I headed out to the Cheesecake Factory to reserve tables.... except they told me it would be a 4.5 hour wait! Michelle and her friend suggested Dave and Busters and so after talking to them, I decided to go there instead. So I had to call everyone, and let them know and eventually everyone found us, except for two people. But that was cool. We played games while we waited and waited.... and then finally we got a table. The food was fantastic ;)

Then a few of us went to Adams Morgan and it took forever to find a park! But finally we went and hung out a reggae joint.. It was just over way too soon. Geez I need to get out more!

I had a good time and I am glad I did this. I have decided I have to host more events - that way I will get better at it. I think I want to have a more intimate gathering in that it is difficult to get everyone to interact when they are sitting on opposite ends of the table.

Sunday was really laid back - the usual, except I skipped church even though I really wanted to go. I was just too tired. I got up late,cruised the mall for a minute,(and didn't spend any money) came home and watched football.

Talk about a fantasic weekend - friends, food, fun. I just want to thank all the people who made my birthday special.

Thank God

Happy Birthday to Me. I must say the first few waking hours have not been too much fun. I had to apply for a position that I am already doing in addition to the position I have and I had to take an idiotic quiz, which I spent most of the morning working on.

The quiz is completely irrelevant to the job (did I mention that it is the job I am already doing... without any additional compensation.... in addition to my job....and I hate the idea that I had to spend my free time dealing with some nonsense like that....

But thanks to my best friend, she found a couple of the answers. She is amazing, especially when it comes to stuff like that. She thought of things I would have never thought up, particularly because I was stewing about the fact that I had to do it in the first place.

So at the interview, he told me that he wanted someone with a lot more experience.... THEN HE SHOULD HAVE FOUND THAT PERSON, BEFORE THE PREVIOUS PERSON TOOK HER NEW JOB. ARRRGGGHHH. INSTEAD, they had me do it for free....while they look for the perfect candidate.

I am so angry. It's really not about the stupid job. There is no question, I am more than qualified for it. The job itself sucks, because if soemthing goes wrong you get blamed. Bottom line, I want more money.

Book Club anyone?

I think I want to start a book club. But I am not sure how... I want it to be fun. A nice variety of books - anything from simple pleasure reading to self improvement to hmmmm I don't know. Which brings me to my first question.... who should be in the club? I guess after establishing who.... we then could decide which books and how often.

I think it would be fun, though one small time, I don't have much time for reading, but you know, but I could make time with the right motivation.

And the best part would be the discussions of course.... a little food, drink and lively conversation....

ahhh there are so many things I want to do - I just have to take the first step.

The One Bright Spot

I had a very rough day. I ended up taking the blame for something that really wasn't my fault. I had the meeting from hell. Thank you for being the bright spot if only for a moment. It made me temporarily forget the insanity surrounding me. Cheers to you.

He's Just Not That Into You

Tonight I met a guy who I thought was very good for my best friend. I liked him immediately - perfect gentleman. He reminds me of my favorite cousin, who I admire very much. Sweet, interesting, intelligent, ambitious. We met at a bar for drinks and had pleasant conversation, it was like talking to an old friend. Apparently he and my best friend had a brief relationship, where she determined that he just wasn't that into her. I am baffled. He is someone I would pick out for her. Her past two main squeezes - well, I would have never picked them. The first one I liked as a person, but I didn't think they had nearly enough in common to have a long standing relationship. The second, well, I didn't like him at all. He was the most despicable human being, though he did have some qualities, such as his ambition, that made him a little more compatible with her.

This guy is likable, and he possesses very similar qualities to hers. They both are well educated, both love to travel, both very ambitious. I wonder how he is about music..... both like basketball. They seem to have similar backgrounds, plus he doesn't seem like a big fat jerk, which is an added bonus.

But for some reason, the relationship has stalled. If and when, he decides that she is a good match, which I believe she is, she is attractive, self-sufficient and educated, he will get my vote. Hopefully he will discover this, before someone else scoops her up. Even if they don't get together, I hope that she finds someone who is her everything she needs and wants.

Weekly picks

Indianapolis 41, Detroit 9
Dallas 21, Chicago 7

While I didn't pick these ahead of time, undoubtedly I would have picked the winners. I thought it would be much close particalarly for the second game, but the outcome still would in my mind have been the same.


Cleveland at Cincinnati, - CINN
Jacksonville at Minnesota - JAX
Philadelphia at N.Y. Giants - PHI, if they were still starting Warner, I might would pick NYG, but since they aren't....
San Diego at Kansas City - I hate to say it....SD
Tampa Bay at Carolina - TB
Tennessee at Houston - HOU
Washington at Pittsburgh - PITT
New Orleans at Atlanta - ATL
Baltimore at New England - NE
Buffalo at Seattle - SEA
Miami at San Francisco - SF
N.Y. Jets at Arizona - NYJ
Oakland at Denver - DEN
St. Louis at Green Bay - GB

Mr. JDA

I am not gonna let you get to me. You who seems determined to get me back into the cycle of insanity. Is it just me or do you enjoy trying to steal my joy? Yes, you did compliment me - you complimented me on the obvious and even still I appreciate that, but you complimented after a slew of insults. I wasn't exactly in the receptive mode after that. At any rate, I wish you well.

Manipulator of Men?

Moi? What is that supposed to mean? I could tell you didn't mean that in a good way. How could you of all people say that about me? Mr. Disappearing Act? You come in and out of my life without notice, and you have the nerve to say that about me? I obviously am not very good at manipulation, because I can't get you to a daggone thing I want you to do - like have a decent conversation with me, without your condescension and most importantly stop comparing me to your ex. I am not her.

I have not manipulated you in any way. Because to be quite honest, I don't need you. I am strong, and amazingly I manage support myself without you. Fortunately, I have real friends who are there for me....

I am not pressuring you or guilting you into doing anything for me. It's funny that you would call me manipulative - you, who hasn't given me anything except empty promises.... And there are men who have done some of the most amazing things for me, who have never said anything like that. Did you ever consider that I am just a nice person?

Have you seen me in action with men? It is quite amazing to see.... but that's another story.

Weekly picks

Arizona at Carolina, ARI (that doesn't sound right coming from me), but so be it.
Dallas at Baltimore - BAL
Denver at New Orleans - DEN
Detroit at Minnesota - MINN
Indianapolis at Chicago - IND, even though I hope that CHI wins....
N.Y. Jets at Cleveland - NYJ
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati - PITT, though it would be nice for Cincy to pull one out
San Francisco at Tampa Bay - TB
St. Louis at Buffalo - STL
Tennessee at Jacksonville - JAX
Miami at Seattle - SEA
San Diego at Oakland - SD
Atlanta at N.Y. Giants - ATL
Washington at Philadelphia - PHI
Green Bay at Houston - GB
New England at Kansas City - well I know who I want to win this game, but it's not looking good for them..... but I will throw good sense to the wind and pick KC

Stop Blocking

is really a message to myself, since I am the biggest obstacle between me and someone I find to be pretty interesting.... I have his number, yet I can 't bring myself to call him. What good reason do I have to call him? I mean I really just want to talk and get to know him better.... I guess I am ol school and I think that the man is supposed to call and if he doesn't, then it is because he doesn't want to. That seems to be generally true, except I never gave him my phone number. He gave me his....and I haven't used it yet, and now it seems awkward. Maybe he thinks I don't like him - maybe he thinks I like him and he is not ready for that.... maybe I am overanalyzing and I should just call....

But I can't - yet. I hate that I didn't see him yesterday. He brightens my day. Ok, maybe I will call - nah, I can't.

Quiet Please

Oh my god. This had to be one of the worst nights I have had in a long time. Seriously, I thought I was going to hurt someone. The noise level in my office is unbelievable! I feel myself getting angry all the time becasue I can't hear myself think. And what's worse... is I have way too much help. And by help, I mean irritation. It's hard to feel justified by being upset with someone for wanting to help you. But oh my goodness, it truly is easier for me to do things myself, rather than having to stop, explain what needs to be done, and... let's be honest I don't really trust people to do things right unless I have workedwith them before and they have established themselves as trustworthy. Especially in light of the fact that if something goes wrong, I will be held accountable, not them.

How can you tell a person who outranks you that you don't want or need their help? I just wanted to say... the best thing you can do for me is go home! Let me handle my business. You are slowing me down. It is difficult for me to think of things for you to help me with, when I will have to spend time that I don't have trying to explain it. Plus you have deprived me of my eye candy for the night.... (another story) I am very intrigued by this man.... and I missed him all because I was being stalked.

Basically, there are too many chefs in the kitchen. I didn't have one moment of quiet.... which made me really upset. Then I have these spastic people who are asking me stupid questions.... I told the woman it was taken care of and perhaps she misunderstood me. So she kept asking me about it..... aarrrghhh - seriously I thought I would kill her. Then she said something about calling someone else to make sure - eh I dunno what she said, because I had 50 other things to take care of and hers was already done, long before she even got there. Then I had to have a discussion on why I looked annoyed - hmmmm BECAUSE I WAS ANNOYED! Accurate perception. I don't want to understand your point of view. I don't like repeating myself, but particularly not when I have 50 other things to do and your stuff is already done. I think she thought I was holding a grudge.... I really wasn't because I had zoned out.

On top of that, she and the other chef spent 15 minutes shooting the breeze in my work area talking loudly - and I wanted to kill them both. The decibel levels were mind numbing. I zone out often, because my area seems to be the gathering place for everyone to chat.

Then, the other spastic person, who I really wish wasn't working for me, because it creates more aggravation for me was asking me questions that were lower priority and quite frankly wouldn't have been necessary had she just read the instructions. Arrgghh!

I literally feel like hiding at times to get away from all the noise and extra help. What worse is the extra help follows me....and then does things and comes back and gives me the blow by blow, far more information than I care about, particularly the background information that I already knew, but you can't really just cut someone off and say get to the point. All I care is that the problem is resolved. Oh and what really drives me crazy, is the person reading over my shoulder while I type or interjecting themselves into conversations and situations that I am perfectly capable of handling. Give me some SPACE. I don't even like my close friends up in my grill like that. Dayummmm!

The point is..... I don't need HELP like that. I need quiet. I need peace. I know how to find answers. I know how to ask for help when I need it. I don't need a stalker.

Love that Hair

What is it with me and dreads? Fantastic.... I think it is a phase, but they are hot - as long as they are clean. Ok I like the close crop look too, but dreads are amazing.

A beautiful man

WOW! I am amazed. I hope to see you again - soon.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

You are a horrible, miserable excuse for a human being. You are a snake and I hope all the dirt you do comes back to you 10-fold. The man made a simple mistake and it is completely unbelievable (and unacceptable) that you blew it out of proportion the way you did. There is no way that mistake cost you a whole day's worth of work. Heck, I helped clean it up, no thanks to you. There was no reason for the inflammatory email that you displayed so that more people could see than necessary. You didn't have to take it there. Perhaps, you could have addressed the person directly or said that to just the people involved. (not that I even agreed with what you said). I am willing to bet you can't take the direct approach because you are a coward, and you might find that you too might be at fault.

I guess your specialty is just writing nasty emails and assigning blame. All you do is complain - nothing is ever your fault. Somehow, I had it my head that we are all human beings, and sometimes humans make mistakes.... But apparently you don't make mistakes, and by definition, you are not human. Perhaps you should not live among mere mortals.....

I would feel sorry for you because obviously you are an unhappy person, but I can't because you are trying to destroy other peoples' reputation and that is appalling. I have a need to defend the defenseless and I will go toe to toe with you any day. Oh an by the way, if you try that crap with me, be ready for a confrontation, because I will embarrass you. You simplistic, petty canine! I know you like to try your crap during the day, when I am not there, but I will get you.

Go be miserable by yourself.

Rocking in Rockville

Thanks Colin for the party. Had a great time. Good seeing everyone and finally, finally having a drink.

True Love

I have been doing some self reflection and it got me to thinking. Am I capable of a long term committment, i.e. marriage? I have been on my own (essentially) for so long, I just don't know if I could live with another person. Based on my past history, I tend to get bored, and in a lot of cases I am unwilling to try to spice things up.

The thing is, I really want kids. I think kids are great and one of God's greatest gifts. And it would be nice to have a husband too, but.... quite honestly, I don't have to have a husband. It would be great if I could meet someone and we were compatible and could make a go of it, but I wouldn't die if that didn't happen. But I absolutely want kids...

Maybe I just haven't met the right person. My last relationship has had me second guessing myself, my worth, everything about me. I knew I couldn't go on like that and I am still trying unload some of that emotional baggage. I have come a long way. Yes, I still care for that person, but I really have no desire to be with him. It is very... liberating. Those feelings of desperation are gone. I no longer wonder what he is doing, where he is and who he is with.... I just stopped caring. All the secrecy that used to drive me nuts.... has desensitized me. I am not the same person anymore.

But is that good? Will I be cold and unfeeling to new people? What if I transfer my skepticism and lack of trust to someone else. What if I can't get past all the complexes I have developed from this last relationship? What if that desparate fear of abandonment resurfaces?

I hate that feeling more than anything.... I felt that way more often than I care to admit from the past relationship - part of that was me, but I certainly did not get any reassurance from him. Maybe I am not ready yet, but my biological clock says I am.

Well, I guess there is no need to worry too much... it's not like I have anyone on the horizon right now. So I guess that gives me more time to work out my issues.

Daggone Special Teams

You really gave me quite a scare today. I like it interesting, but that was ridiculous. Please don't do that again. Allowing the same guy to run a punt back for a touchdown twice in the 4th quarter is hard to swallow. The idea that they could have won that game as terrible as they played based on two lousy special teams play is a bit too much for a die hard fan. Especially after the defense and offense worked so hard to win. I am glad you came out strong in overtime. Thank goodness you didn't have to punt.

On a different note, what in the world is wrong with the Jets? Why in the world would you run the ball and kick a field goal for overtime. At least try for a pass - Quincy is a decent quarterback - heck it wouldn't have cost you that much time and you could have scored a touchdown. What happened to playing to win?

Who knew the Giants would lost to Arizona or KC to New Orleans? Or that Carolina could score 37 points in one game? Or even better that the Bears could beat Tennessee?

Congrats to Serena for making it to the WTA finals - it should be a great re-match with Sharapova. I couldn't understand the dress selection girlfriend, but I still have a lotta love for ya.

A Little Consideration, Please

I absolutely love my friend Chau. She is a beautiful spirit. She is thoughtful and funny. She is great to be around. I was mad at her when I first met her, because she let me pronounce her name wrong. That was pretty embarassing ;), but since then it has been cool.

She is probably one of the most considerate people I know. It's just the little things - like for example, she brings in magazines after she's done so other people can read them. One of my New Years's resolutions will be to have that kind of thoughtfulness. It is very inspirational.

If you ever ride with Chau, you are in for quite the experience. I empathize with her completely. She is quite expressive - it's really kinda funny sometimes.

To top it off, she has one of the best hand bag collections I have ever witnessed.

I love that she is honest, loyal and funny. She is also really pretty, especially when wears her hair down.

Cheers to Chau. You make life better.

Weekly picks

Baltimore at N.Y. Jets - NYJ
Chicago at Tennessee - TENN
Detroit at Jacksonville - JAX (I was hoping Byron could play, but it ain't gonna happen)
Houston at Indianapolis - IND
Kansas City at New Orleans - KC
Pittsburgh at Cleveland - PITT
Seattle at St. Louis - STL
Tampa Bay at Atlanta - ATL
Cincinnati at Washington - CINN
Carolina at San Francisco - SF
Minnesota at Green Bay - Minn
N.Y. Giants at Arizona - NYG
Buffalo at New England - NE
Philadelphia at Dallas - PHI

Mango Madness!

I call myself trying to be cute today and I was... for all of about 20 minutes. I stopped at Jamba Juice to get my fru fru drink (my term for non-essential fruity type drinks) and the lid wasn't on good. I didn't notice that of course, until I was getting into my car and it popped out along with mango smoothie all over the front of my sweater, skirt, pantyhose, shoes, car..... And of course by then, I was around the corner from work, so I couldn't turn around and go home. So here I am with these huge spots all over me and of course quite a few people noticed. Arrrghhh. Fortunately, my skirt looked ok, but the sweater had a huge wet spot dead center. Almost like I had a different kind of accident.

Will the madness ever end? Can a sista get it together? How can I find true love with mango all over me? - ok a little over the top, but you know what I mean.

But good for me, I didn't curse.

BTW, I am making a conscious effort to control the potty mouth. So I am going to try to not curse for a week straight.....

Stop Blaming Kerry!

I am so sick of people saying Kerry didn't court women or the black vote. That is absolutely ridiculous. If you are angry that Bush is in office, and you didn't vote.... because Kerry didn't court you, then you are silly. You knew the options, particularly if live in one of those god-awful swing states. And who in the world voted for Nader! Seriously? I know we have the right to vote for anyone we want, but let's just be real. Why even bother? That's like voting for someone who isn't running.

Pimp My Ride

I love that show! I know my car would never be selected, since it is not completely jacked up, can you hook a sista up with a CD player?

I can't take it anymore. Leaving my musical choices in the hands of a few radio stations. I swear if I hear My Goodies, Hobostank, Counting Crows, Maroon 5, John Mayer, Lean Back, and that wretched Eminem song again..... oh and let's not forget My Boo and the new Destiny's Child joint.

How torturous to know that you are going to hear these songs/artists no matter what time of day you travel! The same songs - they do switch up the John Mayer songs which is a little refreshing, but now the hot song is "Daughters", which is not a bad song, but do I have to hear it 3 times in a thirty minute time period....a bit much!

Fortunately last night I wandered by the smooth jazz station and they happened to be playing the Isley Brothers - ahhhh good times.... Summer Breeze... nice. But how often will I get that lucky?

Can't they switch it up a bit? I don't even know who does what song, but my goodness - I hear 'she will be loved' and oh my god if I hear another white girl voice I am going to scream. Give me a break - Avril Lavigne - grates my nerves, but the worst is that song by Ashlee Simpson - don't even know the name of it - but arrrghhh! Don't even get me started on Britney.

I like some white girls, but not the really the ones listed above. OK rumor has it that Mariah Carey is broke.... how is that possible? Seriously, how is that possible? Probably just a rumor, but the mere thought of that is mind blowing.

"Mariah doesn't have a lot of cash left. She got about $16 million after taxes, but went through a lot of it," a "source" claims in the paper. "She has a hairdresser and make-up artist who she keeps on a regular basis and they cost $7,200 a day. She won't leave home without getting her hair and make-up done." - taken from EUR

$7,200 a day? I obviously chose the wrong business. That's about $2,628,000 a year, just for hair and makeup. That is about $3600 a day for each.... hmmm, yeah that is a lot of money. I could do thangs :)

Bottom line, I gonna have to break down and get a CD player in the ride. Maybe that will be my Christmas present. (Since I have already decided, my birthday prsent will be a hot stone massage). I can't wait - only about 3 more weeks.

Home Cooking

Ok, ok, I admit it. I need to cook! Which means I need to unpack my dishes and pots and go grocery shopping. It is ridiculous to think that I have been living here for 4 months and I haven't unpacked my dishes. Hadn't really felt inspired. But I am craving some gumbo and some lasagna and some baked chicken with mac and cheese and even some vegetarian chili. I haven't cooked like that in months..... hmmm - I see a grocery trip in the near future.

Plus I would save some cash.

Paisley Hair

I got my hair cut a couple of weeks ago and I haven't really gotten used to it yet. I miss my hair (a little). I get a lot of compliments on the new do, but I don't have the safety net of my ponytail for those bad hair days. I must say I was getting out of hand with the ponytails - its pretty bad for someone my age to wear ponytails all the time....

Last month I bought a pair of black paisley pants. I loved them at the store, but when I got home, not so much. SO they hung in my closet....and I decided I would take them back, but I couldn't find the receipt. I serached high and low and no luck. So I resigned myself to the fact that I would have to keep them. I finally wore them yesterday and I got a lot of compliments (surprisingly)...

Are people just being nice? Maybe it is all one big mean joke or maybe I am just tripping.

When it Rains....

I went from an absolute drought to torrential rains. It is always like that for me. This weekend I had absolutely NOTHING to do. My biggest venture on Saturday was a trip to Target and on Sunday, it was church. Next weekend, I already have too much to do, all on Saturday and I probably won't be able to do everything....

I wish... ahhh nevermind. I just wonder, will it ever happen? It's looks a little rough right now.

Help Wanted

How long do you intend to continue this madness? Having me do two jobs without paying me? I need help. I don't have a moment's peace until 3/4 of the way through my shift and then I have to figure out all the things I still need to do because I have been constantly interrupted. They may have the absolute nerve to hire the supevisor and make me train this person. I will be pissed. It is just too much to expect one person to do in 8 hours. It is not even possible. So I have been working unpaid overtime to compensate and that is just not cool.

I want more money. I see why my predecessor was bitter all the time and ranted constantly. I admit, I have the ranting down to a science.

Weekly picks

Arizona at Miami - MIA
Dallas at Cincinnati - CIN
Kansas City at Tampa Bay - KC
N.Y. Jets at Buffalo - NYJ
Oakland at Carolina - OAK
Philadelphia at Pittsburgh - PHI (this is a tough one)
Washington at Detroit - DET
Chicago at N.Y. Giants NYG
New Orleans at San Diego - SD
Seattle at San Francisco - SEA
Houston at Denver - I hate Texas! DEN
New England at St. Louis - NE
Cleveland at Baltimore - BAL
Minnesota at Indianapolis - MINN

Organized Brain Washing

So I have never been a fan of organized religion, even less so now, considering recent events. But I do attend church, although not nearly as whole-heartedly. My decision to attend church is not nearly the same as deciding to let someone else think for me. Apparently not so with millions of people. Whoever said religion is the opiate of the masses was on to something.

Top Model

I am so through with Marc Bouwer. How could he be so cold to tell Cassie that her hips and thighs were too big. The girl already has an eating disorder. You jerk. I think she looks fine, but it was obvious she didn't want to be there. I couldn't understand that. What in the world is in Oklahoma. I mean, I know family and all, but she could still visit....

They were hard on my girl Toccara too. I really like her - she is a beautiful woman. I know she is plus-sized, but her walk and confidence make her runway material for sure. She was a little upset that they didn't have clothes in her size at one of the photoshoots and she kinda got into with the designer after she got pinched. I can understand her frustration.

But the one who irritates me the most is the judge - Janice... now all of sudden Toccara is too big. Janice has always rubbed me the wrong way - not like Simon (because I usually agree with him) She is rude sometime for no reason....

Ann looked good this week and Ya-Ya worked it too :)

You Blew Me Away, Ray!

I had the opportunity to see Ray this past Thursday. It is an awesome film. It was almost 3 hours long, but it didn't feel like it at all. It flowed really well, and left me wanting know more about Ray Charles.

Jamie Fox was incredible. He really became Ray. I forgot that he was really Jamie Fox, because every moment he was on the screen he was RAY. He captured, his movements, his mannerisms. I honestly didn't know that Jamie had the range to pull it off, but this brother is talented.

The entire cast overall was pretty good. The actress who played his wife was also incredible. I don't know her name, but she was impressive. I thought Regina King's character could have been developed a little bit more, but she was still good. Kerry Washington (Ray's mom) was also good. The only character that I wasn't sold on was Larenz Tate as Quincy Jones. Admittedly, I have no idea what Quincy Jones was like as a young man, but I just couldn't picture him being the way Larenz played him.

I wonder where in the world they shot his childhood scenes. He grew up in Northern Florida, and I am sure it looked like that, then. But could there be places that still look like that in the US. I am guessing maybe Alabama, Mississippi, hmmmm - interesting.

The story was so good. And I thought it was put together very well. How the director intermingled the past with the present. I had no idea Ray had so many hits! That' s amazing. I found myself rooting for him throughout his trials. I wasn't too thrilled about the womanizing side of him, but no one is perfect.

I wonder what it must have been like to be his wife. I am amazed that she stayed with him and maintained her dignity. That's a good woman!

Jamie Fox definitely is deserving of a Oscar nod. He was incredible. If you go a chance, please go check this flick out! It's a MUST SEE!

Healing and Unity

As much as I hate to admit it, I overestimated the intelligence of 51% of voting America. It's over and done, and of course we start hearing words like unity and healing. The truth is the country is divided, with each side leaning away from the other.

I don't think this is the time for unity. I don't want to unite with stupidity - it might rub off. I believe stupidity is contagious. I feel like unity would be a great disservice to this country right now. I don't think this country has been divided this much since the Civil War. Unity was not the answer then, and it is certainly not now, because the civil rights of many Americans are at stake.

Evil has triumphed over good, ironically by dressing themselves in moral piety. It is amazing that some people believe that Bush and company have a patent on morality that the democrats are out to destroy families. Lies were spread throughout congregations all over this nation to the feeble-minded. What a pity.

I am by no means, a bleeding heart, but I fear that there is a general lack of brotherhood and love for other people in this nation, particularly towards those who do not look like us. That, to me is dangerous. The lack of brotherly love will kill us faster than any terrorist could. We put children and the elderly last.

A lot of people are thrilled about the apparent tax cut they will receive. They have no concern for social programs that help people in need. Tax cuts mean nothing to the jobless or to those who make so little, it would hardly matter. Meanwhile, while we receive these tax cuts, the costs of goods and services are increasing at alarming rates.

My tax cut only netted me about $150. At $2/gal for gas and about $30 for a full tank - that's about 5 tanks of gas, which is barely enough for 2 weeks worth a gas. Meanwhile the cost for licences and registration has increased in MD. Either way, my money is gone.....it was just coined something different.

Manufaturers sell products at the same price or more, but with less substance. Ever notice that the canned foods have gotten smaller, or the toothpaste or the rolls of papertowels?

I can only hope that when the 'involuntary' opportunity to serve in another pre-emptive strike, that the offer is extended only in the bloody red parts of this country. I will remember not to let my heart mourn for the South and the Middle if their "Enron" comes. I honestly feel when you neglect the elderly and the children, it will come back to haunt you.

He is not my President. He wasn't before, and he isn't now. Fight the Power! Stick it to the Man!

A SAD DAY

I am officially in mourning. I mourn for all the intelligent people who wanted change in this country. All the people who actually love America's values and freedom. All those who can look past their own personal morals and see the big picture. It is truly a sad day. The evil idiots have taken over for 4 more years. When will this end?

It was only a few years ago that I considered myself American - and yet now I am ashamed, I don't want to be lumped in with all the rampant stupidity that is plaguing ths country, particularly in the South and in Middle America.


I am so confused. How can such a small segment of the population be placed in the crossfire of an election? Is gay marriage really so big that it overshadows PEACE, jobs, healthcare, the environment etc, etc.

Bush hasn't proven that he can fight terrorism. Osama is still chilling and now he has alienated most of the world with his bogus war against Iraq. And heck, the terrorist didn't attack Middle Ameirca or the South - they attacked US! MD, DC, NY and would like to attack CA if they could. We all voted for KERRY!

It's sickening to think that the evangelicals could run the country. You idiots, Bush is not a Christian. He is evil. He is ushering in the end time and yes, I know the Second Coming of Christ, but if you recall those aren't exactly the best of times.

You were bought by your own self-righteousness, willing to give up everything this country stands for, because you are too stupid to read or better yet, judge Bush by his actions rather than his lies.

So he gave the churches a little money for your private schools and your little charities. He bought you and then eggs you on with his divisive platforms. You were just pawns in his scheme to steal all he can, destroy all he can and take us back to the dark ages. I am so ashamed of you - particularly you black churches. What a tragedy.

I am just sick.

Election Day

Today I got a little earlier so I could go vote. I decided that in lieu of going to the gym, I would walk to the polling place, since it was a little over a mile. Glad I did, parking was a mess. I have never seen a line that long for an election. It started outside and once you got inside (about 30 minutes later), the line snaked around the lobby of the school and into the gymnasium where you had to stand in another line to check in and then go to another line to vote... ahhhh democracy. I was there for a total of 2 hours, which really wasn't that bad. I was friends with the people around me, seeing as how we were together for awhile. It was great to see all the people out voting! How fantastic.

There was one election judge who seemed to be giving people a hard time. I wasn't in her line, but I witnessed her harass people time after time. It was wild. She would ask them for id, then make them quote their address and in most cases , make them go stand in another line or fill out some paperwork. I saw people pulling out bank cards. She was being counter productive, because she didn't have the list. It appeared that her only job really was to sign the card. The other two ladies had the list, but she was trying control everything and was being really obnoxious.

I took all my doucmentation just in case, but I really only needed my card and I had to quote my address. My line was a lot longer, but also a lot smoother.

I hope that a lot of people get out and vote - I think it is worth the long lines.

My Civic Duty continued

So I know my views are often controversial, but I have a great ability to agree to disagree. Some of my friends are bible toting conservatives and others are far more liberal than I am. Generally, I can respect different opinions as long as they are based on some sort of facts or logic.

Undecided voters are baffling to me. Uninformed voters are also baffling. Do they not read the papers/internet and/or watch the news. How can you exist and not what is going on in the world around you? These candidates seem so different, it is amazing that it would be difficult to choose. Granted, I was never a huge fan of Kerry's but after the debates, I felt a lot better about him. He is articulate, intelligent and seems to care about the Middle Class. Let's face it without the Middle Class, who would pay for all of society's needs? The rich don't pay and the poor cannot.

Neither candidate is really that dazzling to the single person particularly women. That is undeniable. No one cares is the single woman gets a tax break or that we have to pay almost as much to live as a couple.

Even though, neither candidate specifically appeal to my personal needs, I think change is needed. Most of the issues that I really care about, I tend to fall on the side of Edwards.

I am big on family values. I hate the idea of welfare as a lifestyle - it is something that should only be temporary not to exceed 12-18 mos. Dependency on an agency for basic needs seems to be debilitating and fosters a poverty cycle, but more importantly, it keeps the recipient from achieving their potential.

On the flip side, I hate welfare for corporate crooks - they are a much bigger drain on society than single un-wed mothers. They steal millions, pollute the environment, and only get a slap on the wrist, if that.

I am so big on education - free education. I hate the LEAVE NO CHILD BEHIND crap. It seems like a wonderful money making scheme for testing companies. I do feel that everyone needs to be literate, but I am not for creating a nation of standardized people who test well. What about the arts, physical education, and basic life skills? Why are these being stripped out of the curriculums? That is very disturbing. Those were some of the best things about school. Don't get me wrong - I am all about math, science and literacy, but I think children need to be well-rounded. Not all kids will grow up to be the next Einstein - some may become the next Yo-Yo Ma. They both have value.

I have been recycling my entire life - it's what you do when you grow up in a modest home. So while you won't see me at any earth day marches, I am very much in support of protecting the environment. I suspect that the increasing cancer rates are directly influenced by the toxins in the air, water and in our genetically modified food.

Which brings me to healthcare.... which is definitely in need of reform. Why in the world would the solution to increasing malpractice insurance rates be to cap the award amount of someone who may be legitimately injured to $250,000. That's appalling, what gives you the right to place a dollar amount on someone's life and what's worse, such a paltry amount. You can't even get a decent single family home around here for that. Why not go after the insurance companies? Granted, I am not big on frivolous law suits, but I think this issue is best addressed if the insurance companies were made to issue malpractice insurance like car insurance. The more incidents you have, the higher the premium. Good doctors shouldn't have to pay the same high rate that a crappy one has to pay. If it were set up like that, I bet good doctors would stop protecting the bad ones.... but most of all why would you choose to punish the patient. That is so twisted.

I am in favor of the assault weapons ban. I completely understand the need to defend yourself, but do you need a killing machine. There are enough accidental gun deaths as it is.

I am in favor of free speech, free thought etc. I hate that we have become so crude, but I don't believe in censorship. Censorship is a dangerous thing, because I don't know how a governmental body can decide what can or cannot be read, heard or seen. I think that rests with parents and adults.

My Civic Duty

This weekend I have committed myself to learning more about the local candidates and propositions on the ballot. Admittedly, I don't know much about the State of Maryland yet, but I realize the local politics are just as important as national politics and in some instances more important. Upon the recommendation of a friend, I visited www.vote-smart.org and found that not only did I learn a lot about the candidates, I learned a lot about myself.

Although, I tend to vote democrat on a lot of positions, I am really more in the middle.

If I am truly being honest, I am against gay marriage. However, that doesn't mean I would like to amend the constitution to ban it. I guess that's why I differ with the hard line republicans. I definitely feel it is a personal issue and while I would never do it, I really don't have the right to interject myself into the lives of others. I think this issue should be left up to the states. I don't like the idea of businesses being forced to provide health care benefits for same-sex couples. That should be an individual decision of the business owner. I hate that it is compared to the civil rights struggles for blacks. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Not even close to the same thing. We may have common enemies, but surely it is not the same or even remotely comparable. I find that to be very insulting.

There's an interesting dialogue on why the black church takes such a hard line stance against gay marriage, considering our history. I think that despite what is shown on BET, a lot of blacks that grew up in the church were taught that homosexuality is wrong - bottom line. Also, there is still the belief out there that a person chooses to be gay. Hmmm, I don't know how I feel about that - I am not sure if it is Biology or a choice, but I am glad that is not my battle. So no, as an individual, I don't endorse gay marriage, but I would not to vote to amend the constitution to strip away rights.

As everyone knows, I am pro-choice. I think for me, that goes along with being compassionate towards the situations and needs of others. However, I absolulety oppose the idea of abortion being used as birth control and oppose using public funding for the procedure more than once.

I was very much opposed to war against insurgents. How ridiculous to invade another country in the name of "liberation" (the latest spin) and want to kill the people who oppose it.

I am concerned about education in this country. Why are so many states trying to partially fund education from gambling proceeds? That seems so twisted to me. This is where our money should be going. I don't even have kids, and I think more of our tax dollars should go here above the next nuclear weapon....

More to come

And You Are?

What gives you the right to tell me who I should and should not hang out with? I think it is presumptious of you to tell me that I should not be hanging out with people who I consider to be friends, simply because they are of a different race. You know it's ok with me that you feel that way - it was just the way you said it - almost as though you were offended by my choices.

You barely know me and let's face it, if you did, you would know that my best friends from high school were all white and I loved them like sisters. They have been there for me in ways that you never could or would. Yeah, I know, I was called an OREO, but I didn't care then, and I care even less now. I am who I am and I am fine with that.

Love is love and friendship is a gift - who cares what color the packaging is?

Unexpected Surprise

Tonight I ran into someone I hadn't seen in a long time. Someone who I have always thought was handsome, sweet, and smart. But our relationship has always been weird. Mixed signals, no signals - then nothing. I was really feeling him when we first met - I was like wowed by the fact that he was still single. He came to visit his brother in DC and the moment I began talking to him, I thought there was potential. Oh, there is one thing - he lives in LA. So we get in touch a little bit, then he disappeared. Then I went to LA and I saw him and it was like his interest reappeared. He got me so excited - he wanted to take a walk on the beach and show me around - you know that is definitely my flow, but he disappeared AGAIN! Like after the night we went to the movies, and talked the next day - he vanished. He later told me something came up, but it was just so weird. Everytime it gets to the point that I really become interested in him, he disappears.

So I saw him tonight, and he looked as good as ever. But this time there was no chemistry. I just couldn't allow myself to get excited over someone, who I know for sure is not going to be around. Talk about childhood flashbacks!

The rest of my evening was fantastic - went to a costume party - saw old friends - met a nice guy. It was fun, I enjoyed talking to him. I think we could be really good friends. It was good seeing HS and CJ again. I haven't seen them since the debacle. I am glad it was on a much happier occasion.

Happy for daylight savings time - I will still be running late tomorrow, though. What's left after you cut the heart out?

Weekly picks

I must say off the top, I am so proud of my JAGS! Way to go, beating INDY like that and taking the division lead. Good luck this week!


Arizona at Buffalo - my goodness let's go with AZ

Baltimore at Philadelphia, For the first time last week, Philly looked vulnerable, however, the Ravens still don't have much of an Offense, and I don't think their defense can score more points the Donovan and T.O. PHI

Cincinnati at Tennessee, - naturally I have to root against Tennessee, if CINCY plays with the same heart they had Monday night (which was quite impressive), then they will win. CINN

Detroit at Dallas, What's up with Dallas? I thought they'd be doing much better. Can someone tell me what really happened with Quincy? Detroit looked fantastic last week, but Dallas is overdue for a win. DAL

Green Bay at Washington - GB, all the way! Normally I would root for the skins, but if the election tie-ins are true, the have to lose or I will have to consider moving to Canada.

Indianapolis at Kansas City - Gotta go for my CHIEFS - this would be great for two reasons, First KC will win, which they desprately need to get back into the playoff hunt and secondly it will keep IND at least a half game back behind Jax.

Jacksonville at Houston - as always I have to go for my Jags. But this Houston team is not bad, I think maybe a little underrated, but still I believe in my Jags, and I feel they can take them. Go JAGS

N.Y. Giants at Minnesota - hmmm, this is tough. I like both teams for different reasons. But I really like Dante, so let's go with MINN

Atlanta at Denver - ATL, you shattered my faith by losing to KC that badly, don't get me wrong I was pulling for KC, but dang..., I truly hope you recover, because if you win this one, that helps KC in their division. ATL

Carolina at Seattle - Ever since the STL debacle, Seattle hasn't been the same, but Carolina has been abyssmal the entire season, so let's go with SEA.

New England at Pittsburgh - this should be an awsome game - I am never one to pull for either of these teams, but PITT, let's just stop this streak.

Oakland at San Diego - let's go with SD

San Francisco at Chicago - are you kidding me - this is what would have competed with game 7 of the world series and halloween? Geez, good thing you only have halloween and 500 other networks to worry about. hmmm - let's go with CHI

Miami at N.Y. Jets - no matter how bad Miami is, the games between these two are usually fanastic especially back in the Testaverde days - let's go with JETS

A little nervous

It's been awhile since I have seen you. I am a little nervous for some reason. We're just friends right? So it really shouldn't be a big deal. I am excited. Will you like my new haircut? Will you notice that I lost a pound or two? Will you wowed by my crazy halloween costume?

Punked Again 2

What a huge waste of time, time that I needed to sleep, to edit, to do anything but waste gas and energy. Have you no consideration for other people's time? It's bad enough you aren't paying me, but to waste my time on top of it. But guess what - that's over now. You may not ever learn to start on time, but it won't be my time that is wasted. You can be angry, you can be whatever you want to be - I don't care. It's obvious you have no regard for my feelings, so why should I care about yours? Today is the last day that will occur, so please don't ask for any more favors. In honor of myself, I will not continue a one-sided relationship.

The next time I do something for someone and they are late, they will be paying me.

Peace

Cycle of Love

It usually happens the same way for me everytime. There's the first encounter that leaves me obsessing about when the next time will be. I wait and hope and wait some more. Then the encounters start, slowly, gradually and it is so exciting - I love every minute, I sing with joy. Then the encounters become numerous - so much so that I get sick - to the point that if I experience it one more time, I will throw up. Why do you have to run a good thing into the ground. Time passes and in some cases I miss you - I can stomach you again. But my attention is captured by someone new and the obsession starts anew.

Have Mercy

Upon first glance, I thought he was cute. Then a few days went by without me seeing him, though I did think about him - a lot more than I usually would in these situations. Good lord, after seeing him yesterday... what a beautiful man. Thank you KG for bringing him to me. That smile, that hair.... not a crush, just admiration - a lot of admiration. I will do my part to make sure our paths cross again. And I will throw the girly shyness out the window (ok I am dreaming on that part) but I will do my best to not sound or act like an idiot....

Let's be honest, I haven't really completely gotten over the 7 year itch. I will probably always love him, but you know, we aren't together, so I am definitely looking and if something happens, well we'll see.

Punked Again

Why couldn't I have just said no! Now I have committed myself to doing things I have no interest in - and what's worse, is I really would prefer to be doing something else.

I am bitter - and I only have myself to blame. Maybe I will grow a spine and say NO the next time.

Sweep, Sweep!

Congrats to the BOSTON RED SOX. What a great series! I knew if you could just beat the Yankees, the rest was a formality. I was so happy, I cried ;)

Vive La Red Sox!

Bravo Boston Red Sox!

Only one more win to finally break the curse! I am thrilled - I only wish my childhood hero Wade Boggs could share in this moment (in my mind, he will always be a Red Sox baller).

I am so proud of this team - it took a lot of heart, guts and sheer determination to come back after being down 0-3 with the Yankees - that in itself made me shed tears of joy.

But winning the World Series - wow - Good Luck - I will be rooting for you!

Star Dish

TACKY, TACKY, TACKY! How tacky is it to plan a wedding and demand that service providers PAY you to have the privilege of working on your wedding? Not to mention that you could well afford to pay for your wedding yourself?

Star, Star, Star - I don't know how you got to where you are - but girl you are a mess. It's one thing to ask for free services (which is rough, since you already got oodles of money) It's is quite another to demand payment for bragging rights. You ain't all that.

I am happy for you that you are finally getting married. Though I hear speculation that your husband to be is gay....another story - maybe you can later ink a book deal about it and ask the writer to pay you for the story....

I know that being famous has its privileges and you can probably get most things just because of name recognition, but seriously.... you may even get people to go along with this insanity, but I ask you - have you no shame?

I could go on - but it would all be superficial disses on your appearance, lack of character, and etc. Hatorade on streroids....

Condescending Men

Why, why why? Men can be such idiots - and I am really just referring to the pseudo-macho, armchair quarterbacks, woman go get me a beer types.

My car was giving me a bit of difficulty. It reeked of what I thought was gas and it was so powerful it was giving me headaches. I noticed this started around the time that I got my oil changed, so I thought maybe they knocked something loose.

So my friend at work told me to check the oil first. So I went out to the car and popped the hood, and as soon as I did, I immediately saw the problem.... They forgot to put the oil cap back on!

But here's comes this older Caucasian man, who seemed surprised that I even knew how to pop the hood. I thought to myself, they still make you? He starts going on about someone forgot to put the cap on, blah blah blah, so he sees the cap and screws it on for me, while I am in the process of checking the oil. Apparently I didn't check it well enough for him, so he takes the napkin and the dipstick and lo and behold it looks exactly the same when he checks it. I had already determined that I needed to add oil....

But then he says, he's going to tell me what kind of oil to buy. ARRRGGGGHHHHH! I already know what kind of oil my car takes, but I am trying to be polite as I wait for him to read it off the oil cap. What makes it worse is he has the absolute nerve to read it to me and say, "Can you remember that?" I wanted to slug him. Then he goes on to say "that's why women need men around." I was so through! Since he was old, I was trying to remain respectful, but I really wanted to tell me to leave me alone.

In the course of this lopsided conversation, I noticed my coolant overflow tank was low and I just generally started checking my fluid levels.... He asked "how I knew how to do that"? Oh my god!

Hard to believe with all the complexity of making sure that the fluid level falls between the low and high line, that I would be able to grasp it! And even more amazing, I know that the green stuff is coolant and where the brake fluid and power steering fluid go and that wet blue stuff - windshield wiper fluid - amazing!

The funny thing is years ago, I changed my own oil a couple of times. I am by no means a car expert, but having an old car helps you learn about a lot of things....

When I got back with the oil, the guy was still here and in between gritted teeth I allowed him to check my oil again after I added a quart. I was so glad I started adding the oil before he could slow me down more.... geez.

Not my dream guy at all - can I get a guy who can do all that stuff, without the condescension please? I would rather do it myself and get my fingers dirty (which I hate), than to listen to mindless dribblings of a sexist pig.

Weekly picks

Geez, just when I write the Skins off, they go and win one! This will be a fun week. Darn you CBS for not showing a 1:00 game here..... I am all about the AFC.... This is an interesting week!


Atlanta at Kansas City - WOW - this week I can cheer for the Chiefs again. Play some defense, guys - ATL is tough - this is a heart pick - KC

Buffalo at Baltimore - What a boring game! Can Buffalo make it two in a row? Kinda doubt it, but what the heck! BUF

Chicago at Tampa Bay, - uh hmmm Chicago had no QB and TB sucks.... uh TB

Detroit at N.Y. Giants - I am on the Coughlin train NYG

Jacksonville at Indianapolis - Ya know I got to go for my homies - playing IND with their offense, but only Jax and the Pats held IND to 24 pts all year. Do that again and put up a few more and you get a W. Go Jags!

Philadelphia at Cleveland - Is there really any question? I know there is no such thing, but Philly looks unstoppable right now. PHI

San Diego at Carolina - Carolina has been looking rough lately - SD

St. Louis at Miami - STL

Tennessee at Minnesota - Well, I never root for Tennessee, but I really do think MINN will win. If Dante doesn't fumble, they will win BIG.

N.Y. Jets at New England - for crying out loud, can somebody please beat New England - I don't dig the PATS like I dig the Red Sox... Strangely, NE doesn't look as unbeatable as Philly does. Philly has been walloping people, NE barely wins... NYJ please.

Dallas at Green Bay - go Cowboys - you are long overdue for a win.

New Orleans at Oakland - tough choice.... N.O.

Seattle at Arizona - Seattle

Denver at Cincinnati - ahhh another boring game - well at least it won't get in the way of my work Monday night! let's go with.... DEN

Welcome to the 21st Century!

I finally got a cell phone that is capable of storing numbers! How amazing is that! It even has a speaker phone. I love it. You know it had to be drastic for me to go buy a phone... I literally broke my old one in two when I dropped it Wednesday. It wouldn't even power on,,,, maybe it was God's way of forcing me to catch up with the times.

Bravo!

Eyes of the Heart

This month, someone very close to me was featured in a nationwide magazine. It was about women whose appearance had changed dramatically in some way. I was touched as I read her story from her perspective. Although it was obvious to everyone, it was something we never really talked about. It must have been a very difficult transformation process - I am not sure I would handled it with the grace and strength that she did.

It may sound strange, but even as I witnessed this change, I didn't really see it. She was somewhat of an icon in my mind, someone I looked up to and idolized. I wanted to be like her in so many ways. She was and still is one of the most talented people I have known. And she has the most beautiful spirit - one of the sweetest people I know. I love her dearly. She was always so pretty to me even through her change in appearance.

The thing is, I don't know if I ever told her that. I look back and I can't remember if I did. I wonder if she thought I was insensitive, that I didn't care. That wasn't it at all. I think all I saw was her in total - not just the outer shell that strangers saw... I wish I could have understood, that I could have helped in some way. Could I really have been that dense? Perhaps my love for her blinded me to the obvious, so I couldn't understand why others didn't see the same person I saw.

Her story is so interesting, because her outward struggle with her identity mirrors so many people's inner struggle. As I read her story, although I couldn't identify with her exact situation, I could certainly relate to her thoughts.

In my eyes, she was always pretty - always like a shero to me. She was beautiful before, during and throughout her transformation. I think she is more beautiful now, because of her courage.

My Best Friend

I love her dearly. She is like a sister which is why she is driving me NUTS! She loves this guy, who in my humble opinion is a JERK and that's a nice term for him. She constantly makes excuses for his bad behavior. He has disrespected her in every way imaginable and yet she can't understand why he thinks he doesn't deserve her love. Huh? Who cares what he thinks? He only has time for her when it's convenient and lately that's becoming less and less and when I found about this other woman....

Why can't she see? I just want to scream. She is a beautiful woman -inside and out. She deserves so much more than that jerk could ever offer. She is tall,fit, smart and very pretty - men flock to her..... I just don't understand.

I wish she could see herself the way I see her. If she saw herself that way, there's no way she settle for some third rate crap like that. She deserves the best, but it is up to her to realize it, and there is nothing I can do about that.