Self-Induced Frustration
I take full responsibility for it. I had a great day on Friday and allowed myself to become optimistic. I was doing what I know is what I am supposed to be doing. I lost complete touch with reality and for a moment believed that things would get better or at least make sense.
Everybody I love is leaving me. In my own narcissistic way, I feel like I am somewhat of a black widow. It seems like there is some new development every week. Who am I supposed to eat lunch with?
What am I going to do with my life? More frustration....
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
The Rules of Drinking
Drink with meals i.e. don't drink on an empty stomach
Do not mix drinks.
Alternate water with drinks.
All great rules that I clearly chose to ignore Friday night at 1223 when I went out with a few co-workers. All you can drink from 6p - 9p for $20. Top shelf. So what do I do? Drank all I could drink from 6-9pm, no meals, no water and I mixed them. I was determined to get my money's worth....um yeah - not a good idea for someone whose alcohol tolerance is about 1.25 glasses of wine. I think I had about 6- 7 drinks.
I was feeling really great for a moment - dancing and happy. Then we went to dinner - except I didn't get to have dinner, because I spent the entire time I was there puking - on the table, in the bathroom, on the table again...this from a person who swore never to get drunk in front of co-workers. Good move.
They are never gonna let me forget that one. They were great though - they called my roommate and he came to pick me up. God bless him. That man loves me - anybody who will carry me home, put me in the shower and clean me up and make sure I get to bed without too much bodily injury - must love me, I vaguely remember falling in the shower and hitting my head (which I felt the next day).
He teased me incessantly once I was sober. I had a softball tournament the next day, which remarkably I was lucid and physically capable of driving and playing the next day.
I am heading back to work for the first time since then, so hopefully I won't get teased too much considering the plethora of blackmail photos.
Do not mix drinks.
Alternate water with drinks.
All great rules that I clearly chose to ignore Friday night at 1223 when I went out with a few co-workers. All you can drink from 6p - 9p for $20. Top shelf. So what do I do? Drank all I could drink from 6-9pm, no meals, no water and I mixed them. I was determined to get my money's worth....um yeah - not a good idea for someone whose alcohol tolerance is about 1.25 glasses of wine. I think I had about 6- 7 drinks.
I was feeling really great for a moment - dancing and happy. Then we went to dinner - except I didn't get to have dinner, because I spent the entire time I was there puking - on the table, in the bathroom, on the table again...this from a person who swore never to get drunk in front of co-workers. Good move.
They are never gonna let me forget that one. They were great though - they called my roommate and he came to pick me up. God bless him. That man loves me - anybody who will carry me home, put me in the shower and clean me up and make sure I get to bed without too much bodily injury - must love me, I vaguely remember falling in the shower and hitting my head (which I felt the next day).
He teased me incessantly once I was sober. I had a softball tournament the next day, which remarkably I was lucid and physically capable of driving and playing the next day.
I am heading back to work for the first time since then, so hopefully I won't get teased too much considering the plethora of blackmail photos.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
TGIW
I have waited for this day! Thank God it's Wednesday, or better yet, July 11th. It is the day that I get new cell phone minutes! Last month's bill is going to be ugly. I had gone over about half way through the month... I can talk and text in peace again!
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
What I Learned Today
Want to develop the gift of gab? Then kiss the Blarney Stone. The Blarney Stone is a block of blue stone built into Blarney Castle in Ireland. It is said to endow the gift of flattery and eloquent speech.
Not a bad skill to develop...
Not a bad skill to develop...
So I am 30ish, not 20ish
That being said, I am going to call his ass and tell him how I feel. (see below posting)
Diplomacy Anyone?
I hate it when I want to express my feelings when I am angry or annoyed, but can't quite find the words to say. Let me clarify - I have words - often sandwiched between expletives, but I often let those words remain as thoughts. I feel the need to expand my vocabulary so that I can channel my feelings a little better.
There is a certain freedom that comes with expressing yourself - but I was so agitated that I was sure it was going to sound much worse than it is. But now that I think about it, I am not sure what the harm would be. I am the one he is attempting to inconvenience. I am not the one being inconsiderate.
So that's the other thing - I hate that sometimes I can't think of the right thing to say until well after the moment has passed. So...take that then - I think after the person is long gone.
So here is what is bothering me. LAST YEAR, Super Producer (SP) was inquiring about editing software, which my roommate just happens to have. Since I am always willing to help people out, I told him he could borrow it. So I dropped off the disk to him one afternoon.
Even then, SP was acting extremely skeptical and needy. We compressed all the files to one DVD, but I assured him that we tested it and it worked just fine. So time went by and occasionally, SP would call and give me the third degree about the software. Um, there is no law that says you have to use it. I rushed and gave it to SP because I thought he needed it then.
So a couple of weeks ago, SP called the house after 10pm. My roommate is a lot more understanding of this and a tad more gregarious. I tend to check the caller id and I won't answer if I don't feel like talking (which is often the case) So he answers, and then hands the phone to me. Um...this is my time, plus I had just gotten home. So it is SP and he has tried to install the program, but has had a couple of issues and needs some assistance.
Um, did I mention that I gave him the software almost a year ago? Did I mention that it is now after 10pm on a school night? Why the emergency now? WTF? Ok, so my patience is being tested because I feel he is accusing me of something and that he actually expects me to take my time and walk him through this after 10pm on a school night...I couldn't really help him anyway, so I let my roommate talk to him.
As it turns out, he needs software to unzip the files - but neither me or my roommate were willing or mentally able to deal with walking him through it that night. We were both really annoyed that we tried to do SP a favor and we felt like it was coming back to bite us in the backside.
So email addresses were exchanged and I think my roomie sent him a link to get the software. So SP has tried to contact my roomie who has not responded yet. So SP called me yesterday at work to find out about his software and mentioned that my roomie had not contacted him as of yet. This is when I felt my blood pressure rise. I wasn't sure how to say - wtf? How can you be so inconsiderate? How can you actually have the balls to expect not only me, but my roommate to help you at your beck and call, when you have had almost a year to resolve this? Instead, I told him that my roomie has a busy schedule and is not readily available.
I found that troubling that I couldn't say what I really feeling. First of all, I am not so sure SP should be using software that he can't figure out how to install. What next, is SP going to expect my roomie or me to show him how to use it? I think it's the whole "no good deed goes unpunished" thing at work.
So as I write this, I think I will call him and just tell him how I feel...or not...
There is a certain freedom that comes with expressing yourself - but I was so agitated that I was sure it was going to sound much worse than it is. But now that I think about it, I am not sure what the harm would be. I am the one he is attempting to inconvenience. I am not the one being inconsiderate.
So that's the other thing - I hate that sometimes I can't think of the right thing to say until well after the moment has passed. So...take that then - I think after the person is long gone.
So here is what is bothering me. LAST YEAR, Super Producer (SP) was inquiring about editing software, which my roommate just happens to have. Since I am always willing to help people out, I told him he could borrow it. So I dropped off the disk to him one afternoon.
Even then, SP was acting extremely skeptical and needy. We compressed all the files to one DVD, but I assured him that we tested it and it worked just fine. So time went by and occasionally, SP would call and give me the third degree about the software. Um, there is no law that says you have to use it. I rushed and gave it to SP because I thought he needed it then.
So a couple of weeks ago, SP called the house after 10pm. My roommate is a lot more understanding of this and a tad more gregarious. I tend to check the caller id and I won't answer if I don't feel like talking (which is often the case) So he answers, and then hands the phone to me. Um...this is my time, plus I had just gotten home. So it is SP and he has tried to install the program, but has had a couple of issues and needs some assistance.
Um, did I mention that I gave him the software almost a year ago? Did I mention that it is now after 10pm on a school night? Why the emergency now? WTF? Ok, so my patience is being tested because I feel he is accusing me of something and that he actually expects me to take my time and walk him through this after 10pm on a school night...I couldn't really help him anyway, so I let my roommate talk to him.
As it turns out, he needs software to unzip the files - but neither me or my roommate were willing or mentally able to deal with walking him through it that night. We were both really annoyed that we tried to do SP a favor and we felt like it was coming back to bite us in the backside.
So email addresses were exchanged and I think my roomie sent him a link to get the software. So SP has tried to contact my roomie who has not responded yet. So SP called me yesterday at work to find out about his software and mentioned that my roomie had not contacted him as of yet. This is when I felt my blood pressure rise. I wasn't sure how to say - wtf? How can you be so inconsiderate? How can you actually have the balls to expect not only me, but my roommate to help you at your beck and call, when you have had almost a year to resolve this? Instead, I told him that my roomie has a busy schedule and is not readily available.
I found that troubling that I couldn't say what I really feeling. First of all, I am not so sure SP should be using software that he can't figure out how to install. What next, is SP going to expect my roomie or me to show him how to use it? I think it's the whole "no good deed goes unpunished" thing at work.
So as I write this, I think I will call him and just tell him how I feel...or not...
A fine line...
So my best friend and I were in the hotel room trying to settle the expenses. I bought the Live Earth tickets, she booked the room, so I was planning on writing her a check for the difference. I planned so much that I made a mental note to bring my checkbook and I thought I remembered tossing it into my suitcase in between trips. But when it came time to write the check, my checkbook was nowhere to be found. I looked and looked and I must have seemed crazy, because I started rambling about how I had worked it all out in my mind that I was going to bring the checkbook and that I swear I thought I put it in my suitcase.
Maybe I am crazy... so I practically emptied the suitcase which was terribly unorganized at that point (not that it ever was organized) I didn't really unpack from the last trip. Still no checkbook. So I am thinking I must have left it at my desk at work since I was carrying my cute small purse, I probably left it in the "mama" bag. But I just couldn't imagine why in the world I would do that....I am at the point of insanity while contemplating whether or not I am insane or experiencing an early middle age meltdown. I mean - I could have imagined the whole thing. Maybe I dreamed I put the checkbook in my suitcase, but I never actually did.
So we ended up trekking out to Times Square and I found a bank - not my bank though - so on top of thinking that I am certifiable, I have to pay the stupid $2 fee. Talk about adding insult to injury. Yes, I am that anal about even small amounts of money. But I got over the fee, but it nagged me for a little while that night that I couldn't figure out where my mystery checkbook was hiding.
So last night after work, I am unpacking my suitcase and it appears that I have emptied it. I am about to put it up and there lodged between the lining is my checkbook. It was like it was there to mock me. My first thought which I screamed out loud was "I am really not crazy!" Never mind that I am talking to myself at this point.
Maybe I am crazy... so I practically emptied the suitcase which was terribly unorganized at that point (not that it ever was organized) I didn't really unpack from the last trip. Still no checkbook. So I am thinking I must have left it at my desk at work since I was carrying my cute small purse, I probably left it in the "mama" bag. But I just couldn't imagine why in the world I would do that....I am at the point of insanity while contemplating whether or not I am insane or experiencing an early middle age meltdown. I mean - I could have imagined the whole thing. Maybe I dreamed I put the checkbook in my suitcase, but I never actually did.
So we ended up trekking out to Times Square and I found a bank - not my bank though - so on top of thinking that I am certifiable, I have to pay the stupid $2 fee. Talk about adding insult to injury. Yes, I am that anal about even small amounts of money. But I got over the fee, but it nagged me for a little while that night that I couldn't figure out where my mystery checkbook was hiding.
So last night after work, I am unpacking my suitcase and it appears that I have emptied it. I am about to put it up and there lodged between the lining is my checkbook. It was like it was there to mock me. My first thought which I screamed out loud was "I am really not crazy!" Never mind that I am talking to myself at this point.
Monday, July 09, 2007
Nice to be just CJ
This week I have spent more time with old friends than I have all year. Friends that know me by my childhood name. It felt so comfortable, like home. It was just nice to be away from my normal everyday life. It was so relaxing to just be myself - almost completely uninhibited and carefree. (If I was completely uninhibited, I would have gone to the club where you can dance on the bar last night at 1am.) I have had such a great time I am already planning the next adventure - although a little chill time by the pool would be cool too ;)
So Live Earth NYC was awesome - so glad we did it ;) Pictures to come... We had such a blast - we had pretty good seats - we sat next to the most adorable couple I have ever seen. They were an interracial gay couple and they were so great. There were screaming teenagers on our other side. They were so cute especially when Fall Out Boy came on stage. In front of us was a group from Peru - they were so entertaining - it was just a great time.
I have a hard time deciding which act was my favorite. It is a toss up between The Police, John Mayer, Kelly Clarkson and Bon Jovi. I like Dave Matthews too (naturally) but I was so bummed because I felt like I was being teased before they came on and then they only did three songs...arrgghh. I wanted an encore. The best was when John Mayer and Kanye West came on stage for "Message in a Bottle" with The Police. But Bon Jovi just took me right back to my childhood - ahhh when life was simple.
We packed a lot in this weekend, but it was all worth it.
So Live Earth NYC was awesome - so glad we did it ;) Pictures to come... We had such a blast - we had pretty good seats - we sat next to the most adorable couple I have ever seen. They were an interracial gay couple and they were so great. There were screaming teenagers on our other side. They were so cute especially when Fall Out Boy came on stage. In front of us was a group from Peru - they were so entertaining - it was just a great time.
I have a hard time deciding which act was my favorite. It is a toss up between The Police, John Mayer, Kelly Clarkson and Bon Jovi. I like Dave Matthews too (naturally) but I was so bummed because I felt like I was being teased before they came on and then they only did three songs...arrgghh. I wanted an encore. The best was when John Mayer and Kanye West came on stage for "Message in a Bottle" with The Police. But Bon Jovi just took me right back to my childhood - ahhh when life was simple.
We packed a lot in this weekend, but it was all worth it.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Punked by a Pigeon
So I was gone for like 2 days and in that short amount of time, a pigeon decided that the herb garden on my balcony might be a great nesting place. My herb garden - the one that I grew from seedlings...the one that I come home and talk to almost everyday - the one that after being gone two days, I went out in the dark to check on it. As soon as opened the patio door, it flew away and to my horror I saw a plethora of twigs right on top of what used to be my cilantro. The oregano had been sprayed with a nice dusting of bird crap. The only thing remotely in tact is the basil. I hate birds....
Best Week Ever
After what I can easily say has been one of the worse Junes of my recent past, this week has been one of the best! My mom was released from the hospital last week and is now at home recuperating nicely. She had a nasty bout of meningitis which gave us all quite a scare. Our company softball team kicked ass past Saturday and we are now the number 7 seed in the playoffs (we should at least be number 5, but that is an entirely different rant).
Most of the people who contributed to a lousy June were on vacation this past week, so work has been tolerable - and maybe because I took Tuesday off - that helped as well. I got to see one of my best friends in Tampa. I finally got to see her new crib which is absolutely beautiful. It was like old times. Me and the roomie went jet skiing with her and husband and acted a pure fool at the Tiki Bar later that night. I don't know why they said 'get on the stage'....There is supporting potential blackmail evidence of the evening's festivities.
The next day was just a chill grill out kinda day. The ladies talked, played games while the gents played Madden. It was just a nice break from the craziness that has become my life ;)
And today, I am taking the train all by myself (yikes!) to NYC to meet one of my other best friends for the Live Earth concert tomorrow :) I got lots of advice from my fellow co-workers - many who are from or lived in NYC, so I feel a little overwhelmed, but confident that I can manage.
I haven't been by myself in so long - it feels a little strange.
I get to see two of my best friends in one week - what could be sweeter?
Most of the people who contributed to a lousy June were on vacation this past week, so work has been tolerable - and maybe because I took Tuesday off - that helped as well. I got to see one of my best friends in Tampa. I finally got to see her new crib which is absolutely beautiful. It was like old times. Me and the roomie went jet skiing with her and husband and acted a pure fool at the Tiki Bar later that night. I don't know why they said 'get on the stage'....There is supporting potential blackmail evidence of the evening's festivities.
The next day was just a chill grill out kinda day. The ladies talked, played games while the gents played Madden. It was just a nice break from the craziness that has become my life ;)
And today, I am taking the train all by myself (yikes!) to NYC to meet one of my other best friends for the Live Earth concert tomorrow :) I got lots of advice from my fellow co-workers - many who are from or lived in NYC, so I feel a little overwhelmed, but confident that I can manage.
I haven't been by myself in so long - it feels a little strange.
I get to see two of my best friends in one week - what could be sweeter?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)