Just a Business Arrangement

I hate liars. I take that back. I hate bad liars. If you are going to lie, make it a good one - at least I can marvel at your creativity. Please don't tell me a bad lie and then get upset when I don't believe it. That makes me think that you think that I am gullible or just plain stupid.

Please don't tell me I misunderstood. Let's be real. In your own pathethic way, you were trying to ask me out. It's ok - I would ask me out too. You told me I looked "really good" in my outfit and you asked me what kinds of things I liked to do. You then went on to tell me about the things you liked to do (which by the way is of no interest to me) and then you bragged about how great you are (which is of even less interest) then you wanted to know when you could see me (hmmm - the 12th of Neveruary sounds good) You called to ask me out to the movies and dinner and I declined.

I heard you did the same thing to another young lady and then when someone checked you on it, you are going to tell me that I misunderstood. You only wanted to meet me with me regarding business. Interesting - what business could we possibly have to discuss - unless you have mistaken me for some sort of escort.... Furthermore, you went on to tell me that you have a wife and two kids - funny how they never came up at all in that mindnumbing chatter of all the things you like to do.

If in fact, you do have a wife and I hope for her sake that you don't, I feel sorry for her. I saw you hitting on at least 2 other women besides me, but I guess that was just business as well. All of us are just confused - it couldn't possibly be that you are a sleazy no-game having bama. Oh and FYI the next time you ask someone out on the premise of a business arrangement - try asking them out for lunch (you know during business hours)- that way they don't have "misunderstandings" Also try not to undress them with your eyes, it might cut down on all the confusion. Just a little tip.

De'ja Who?

When I was at the gym today I ran into someone who thought I looked familiar. I couldn't remember them, but somehow they remembered me. They associated me with my ex. Once he mentioned his name and gave me a few details, the puzzle started to come together. He lives in my neck of the woods - it must be where my ex hangs out, when he calls me in his drunken state at 2am. When me and my ex were living together, he helped him move - not my things, he just helped my ex with his stuff. There he was at they gym with his girlfriend - there's a new concept - spending time together as a couple before midnight.

The fact that I didn't recognize him nor would I recognize most of my ex's friends after seven years of "being together" says volumes about our past relationship. Our lives didn't really intersect at all, which was one of my complaints. But it doesn't matter now.

Everyday I find a new reason to be thankful that that chapter is over.

Thank You Oprah!

Better late than never. It all started with an article in O magazine. That planted the seed. 85% of women are wearing the wrong bra size. Even when I read it, I didn't think it applied to me. My god. Now I understand. I wear a different bra size! Who knew? I had no idea. I wonder how long this has been going on? It's just lately, I have been feeling like my bras were instruments of torture. (See Bad Bra Day) But now with this latest trip to Victoria's Secret, it all makes sense.

Life is so much better. Thanks for the intervention, Oprah.

Natural Relaxer

I just can't decide. To relax or not to relax? My hair has been natural for so long, I forgot why I stopped getting relaxers in the first place. It wasn't for a deep, philosophical reason. I don't think it had anything to do with the fact that natural dos seemed to garner more acceptance in the South at the time. Nor was it because I wanted to get in touch with my blackness. I remember at the time there seemed to be a huge controversy over relaxer vs natural. A lot of sistas sporting naturals seemed to think that they had a patent on "blackness" just because they didn't use chemicals. Apparently, if you used chemicals in your hair, you were trying to assimilate and clearly you weren't proud of you are and even more - you didn't even know or appreciate your heritage. Basically you were trying to be white.

I never wanted to be lumped into this category of women simply because I had a natural. I believe it is a personal choice and one is not necesarrily culturally superior to the other. I think it is wonderful to have options.

As I recall, I think my choice to go natural had a lot more to do with the fact that I didn't have the means or desire to maintain a relaxer at the time. The upkeep is easier, but style wise I am a bit more limited. Humidity can destroy a cute look within minutes.

But now, I want more options. I like my natural hair sometimes, but sometimes I want it to be straight, sleek, modern... I wish there was a way to have that without relaxing,, so I could be natural or straight whenever I want.

Although now I can probably afford the upkeep of a relaxer, I hate beauty salons. Actually I hate having to be a salon for 5+ hours at a time. Plus if I got a relaxer, I would have to fix my hair all the time. Now, I can just make a huge curly ponytail and it is still presentable.

What am I to do?

It Must Be Me

Why is it that older people automatically assume that something is wrong with me just because I am not married? I have had several people ask me what's wrong and "I just haven't found the one" just isn't an acceptable response.

Yes I am 30+ and I have never been married.

Clearly, I must be a lesbian.

Or better yet, I must have some deadly disease.

After all, I am attractive, perhaps I just have a personality disorder.

When asked that dreadful question, maybe I could say something like "I am waiting on God to send me the right one" (which is true) or "at least I've never been divorced." (which is also true)

But even truer than the above and my personal favorite is "None of your business" (See, clearly the reason I am not married is because of the personality disorder!)

Check Your Man

Could you please come get your man? I thought you told me you were through with him anyway. I was hoping you meant it. If you were a good girlfriend, I would have to break it down for you. He is an asshole. He shamelessly flirts with me - he is always around which clearly indicates that he has nothing constructive to do. I know you don't trust him because I saw that stunt you pulled earlier. Don't drag me into your drama. Please don't think for one minute that I want him. Hell, I don't even want you to want him.

I can't for the life of me figure out what you see in him. I mean yes he isn't hard on the eye except for that tatoo on his face. What in the world is that about? The tatoo on his face tells me a couple of things - no job or at least not the kind of job that would excite me and questionable common sense. All I can think is that he must be laying some good pipe. But is it really that good?

What would possess you - an educated attractive woman to get involved with a thugged out, smoked out loser like him. He is definitely not my type. I like nice, employed, ambitious men. I am hoping one day you will too.

Godspeed, my sister. Yeah, good luck with that.

TMI?

I can't believe I told him all of that stuff and he still likes me. He knows about some of my skeletons and yet he still calls. I am not sure I should have told him so much so soon, but it is just so easy. I feel like I am not being judged - that I am ok as I am. Maybe there is something to this.

5 Signs You Need to Break Up

1. You spy on your partner to make sure he/she isn't cheating.
2. Your partner disrespects you by shamelessly coming on to other people.
3. She says it's your kid, but....you're not really sure.
4. You're partner does not have a job, doesn't seem to want one and seems perfectly content to mooch off of you.
5 The only time you get along is when you are having sex and apparently that isn't even that good.
6. The police know you by name, because everytime you fight they have to come to break it up.

Ok that was 6, but still...

Most importantly, you need to break up - so I can get some sleep dagnavit! I need my beauty rest - plus you are making me see the beauty in singlehood.

Bad Bra Day

Ever had a bad bra day? What in the world was I thinking when I put that thing on? It is the worst bra ever. I have had it for years and I knew there must have been a reason it was in the back corner of my drawer. It sucks. It's too small and it is itchy and quite frankly I don't know what possessed me to buy it. It doesn't have adjustable straps and it literally mashes them together. So not only did I smaller, I could barely breathe. It just messed up my entire flow for the day. Had it not been for the white shirt I was wearing le brassiere would have been in the trash can. It's not like you can go around all day scratching your chest - that is just not cute and it's not like you can be at work with a white shirt on with no bra - cute, but not professional. So after a long day, a few rain clouds made for what seemed like a longer commute home. I couldn't take it any longer - the bra had to go. I had to resort to the ol under the shirt bra removal techinique right in the middle of traffic. But once I got that thing off, the world seem much better. Before I forget, let me dispose of it, so that I never make that mistake again.

That Don't Impress Me Much

I am not impressed. I don’t care what you do for a living. I don’t care what kind of car you drive. Is that how you bait your conquests? Then you have the nerve to be upset and claim that all women are gold diggers. Clearly the issue is you and what you bring to the table. How do you expect to get more than the superficial is that is all you will offer? Try getting a personality, some self-esteem, and try talking to women like…people. I am just glad you have demonstrated your flow for me so quickly. I’ll pass.

Where Did the Weekend Go?

I can't believe it is already over. You would think I am not moving anywhere, based on how much packing I have done, but I did make time to have a nice weekend. It was great seeing everyone again. Friday it was happy hour at Galaxy to celebrate my girl's promotion and Saturday it was a surprise party for another friend. Good times. Today I was an extra on my friend movie shoot. Fun. And now the weekend is over.

Napoleons Need Not Apply

Bad personality, balding head and small shoe size equals no first date with MsJ.

Race Relations

I got into a discussion with my best friend last night about race relations. She was confronted with her prejudices (which I don't think she realized she had) by her Brazilian friend. Apparently race isn't a big deal in Brazil. That must be really cool - I didn't know such a place could exist. It seems like the social infrastructure of the US is based on race and class. It seems like slowly we evolving into a true melting pot, at least as far as race goes. I think there will always be racial biases, but interracial relationships seem to be more prevalent now than before. I am glad, because I used to worry about my younger cousins who are bi-racial. I used to worry that they would get into fights and be constantly harrassed, but hopefully the climate has changed enough to where we can accept others, no matter their race.

I will admit I have my own biases. I want someone who speaks English as a first language. I want someone who is American or at least Americanized - American culture is probably bizarre to the rest of the world and I can definitely understand that. We are an uptight bunch as a whole. I prefer a black man, but I would date a white guy or maybe..actually I think that is as far as I have evolved. Truth be told, it would really just depend on the person. I know I have my preferences, and I am ok with that.

I am ashamed to admit that when I was younger, I chose not to date this guy, simply because he was white. It started out innocently enough. We became friends - good friends. We began hanging out together and I really enjoyed his company. Before I knew it, he had popped the question. "Would you ever date a white guy?" All of a sudden, I was dumbfounded. I had never really thought about it. But then flashes of all the drama my cousin went through when she first brought her white boyfriend home (who is now her husband), how her parents didn't come to her wedding... and I said "no". It was too painful, it was too - dramatic. His face dropped when I said that and I felt horrible. I really liked him, he was polite, nice, funny and drop dead gorgeous and I just loved his Southern accent. But I couldn't do it. He kissed me on the cheek, but things were never quite the same after that. We were still cordial, and we tried to pretend everything was normal, but it just wasn't. I wished we'd kept in touch. I could ask him to forgive me for being such a dope. Ah, live and learn.

The Answer Is...

I don't know. If I had my choice, no one would know until I knew. It is still too premature to know what will happen. We haven't had a "talk" yet much less "the talk" and I am not really in any hurry to get labeled. After being in a relationship for seven years, I just don't want to get involved too quickly. I don't want to come off as the Big B, which I usually do anytime I start seeing a nice guy, but this is my time to date and to have fun. Those chains are finally broken and I just need time and I want to be sure before I make any type of commitment, that it is right and more importantly, that it ain't like the last time!

What I don't want, which I think has already happening, is for people to think of us as a couple and then see me out with someone else and think the worse. I think that is the main reason I wish no one knew. That would make me look bad. But is it my fault that people make assumptions so quickly? It is so amazing how fast people jump to conclusions. We had barely said hello and people were already asking questions. Pump the brakes already! I know everyone loves him, but uh... can I get to know him first?

This is why I never dated a co-worker, because too many people (some who are well meaning, but others who are just nosy) be all up in the business and it takes no time for rumors to start flying. Fortunately, I have a new job now, because that would drive me nuts if I had to hear about that all day.

Our only communication on the subject has been (he) "I'm just chillin; I enjoy spending time with you" (me) "Cool, I like hangin with you too" That's pretty much it. That is true, I really do like hanging with him. It is so simple and we have a good time together.

There is someone else that I kinda like too and I think it is reciprocal, but only time will tell - that is on the low low, since we are very much in the checking each other out stage. He definitely doesn't have a name yet ;)

I do plan to date other people - that is going to happen. My goal is to date for at least six months or so and just see how it goes. I forgot what dating was like and I feel I need to experience it before getting into something serious.

I love my life right now :)