Lately I have felt so useless - like I just don't have anything to offer anyone. Lord, can you at least help me to help others. I hate feeling this way. If I can start helping other people in some way - even small ways, maybe I'd feel like my life had a purpose.
I want to do so much and I want to give a lot, but sometimes I am afraid. I am afraid that maybe I won't be of much help. I don't know. I just want my life to mean something.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Stinky Feet
Stinky Feet, Stinky Feet, what are they feeding you?
Stinky Feet, Stinky Feet, it's not your fault.
How embarassing to wonder what that horrible smell is, only to discover it is you! (Not saying that it was)
Fortunately it's nothing a hot shower and a little Gold Bond can't cure.
Stinky Feet, Stinky Feet, it's not your fault.
How embarassing to wonder what that horrible smell is, only to discover it is you! (Not saying that it was)
Fortunately it's nothing a hot shower and a little Gold Bond can't cure.
When You Pray
Dear God,
When I asked for the pitter patter of little feet, I wasn't talking about rodents. Perhaps I should be a lot more specific whan I pray. You know my history - can't you just direct them elsewhere?
I hate those things - particularly in my domicile. The first time was bad - when I saw one jump off of my stove one morning before work - which prevented me from getting my lunch.
But the second time was way beyond comprehension. It was two days later after my roommate insisted that there were no mice there (I suppose because he hadn't seen any)- I was getting ready to take my shower and I opened the bathroom door, turned on the light and out crawls one and I screamed so loud and just ran out and continued screaming for at least 5 minutes.
I ended up leaving the house and had planned to take a shower at the gym. Good idea,bad execution. I was going to drop by work and then leave for the gym, but I got sucked into the vortex...
Well, thanks to the new houseguests, I have temporarily relocated. The exterminator came last week - but I don't have the heart to go back. I was so traumatized by one of those things as a child - I guess I never really got over it.
So I am saying - pitter patter = child of my ownm- compplete with a husband. it certainly does not equate to vermin in my world.
When I asked for the pitter patter of little feet, I wasn't talking about rodents. Perhaps I should be a lot more specific whan I pray. You know my history - can't you just direct them elsewhere?
I hate those things - particularly in my domicile. The first time was bad - when I saw one jump off of my stove one morning before work - which prevented me from getting my lunch.
But the second time was way beyond comprehension. It was two days later after my roommate insisted that there were no mice there (I suppose because he hadn't seen any)- I was getting ready to take my shower and I opened the bathroom door, turned on the light and out crawls one and I screamed so loud and just ran out and continued screaming for at least 5 minutes.
I ended up leaving the house and had planned to take a shower at the gym. Good idea,bad execution. I was going to drop by work and then leave for the gym, but I got sucked into the vortex...
Well, thanks to the new houseguests, I have temporarily relocated. The exterminator came last week - but I don't have the heart to go back. I was so traumatized by one of those things as a child - I guess I never really got over it.
So I am saying - pitter patter = child of my ownm- compplete with a husband. it certainly does not equate to vermin in my world.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Update
I have been away for awhile, so I'll make it short and sweet.
It all started Labor Day with an early afternoon trip to the local Giant. Lines were long and it was packed as usual. After catching up with Soap Opera Digest and Cosmo and learning how to shed those pesky unwanted pounds, I finally was next in line for checkout. That's when it happened. A man walks in and demands that the cashier open the register and puts a gun to her face. Of course she panicked and because she was in the middle of ringing up the customer in front of me - she couldn't open the register. So he yells "you've got one minute maam" and then walks out the door. They called the police and the cashier started crying. Wasn't sure what would happen next, if he would come back or just what. At the time, I didn't care, I just wanted to get my food and leave. Even after what just happened, my mind was just on getting the heck out of there with my groceries. So they told everyone they had to change lines and there was just no way I could see myself starting over again, so I went to the customer service line and got out of there. On the way out I looked for the guy, because my mind didn't really prompt me that I was in danger. I was just tired.
About 5 minutes later the gravity of what happened occurred to me. We could have been killed or injured all in broad daylight! The strange thing is, this guy was casually dressed, clean cut...not at all what you would expect to be holding up a gorcery store. So that was the beginning of one of the more stressful weeks I have had in awhile.
Work has been busy and sometimes it drives me insane. I get bitchy sometimes, but that is just me. I am trying to work on it, but sometimes it is just impossible to get anything done. It's like the whole day is one big interruption and then somehow you are supposed to figure out how to get stuff like billing done.
I have had to deal with this high maintenance producer - who if he isn't there bugging me, he is calling bugging me. He has a wonderful knack of wasting my time explaining the obvious to me. I saw some of his work -I am not that impressed. It is like he is the only one around - arrgghh. We had a big blow up one day and I heard him say get the hell out of his room, he swears he didn't say that - but wahtever he said - it wasn't nice and I was pissed. Then he had the nerve to be complaining about me - what a surprise - he complains about everything, but I think it's the fact that he assumed I wasn't trying to help him and he was somehow under the impression that I was bumping his edit time for someone else. Apparently the concept that someone else booked edit time a month earlier than him is foreign - which meant I had to get the editor to work overtime to get his stuff done.
Long story short, the guy is an asshole. Our confrontation involved my manager and the sales rep. Even then he said something rude. The truth is I hate working with that person. If I found out tomorrow that he was a child molester or serial killer, I would not be surprised at all. I generally hate confrontation - but I was so angry....I have been making nice with him since then - his current projects are almost done and hopefully if they hire him again, he can torture someone else.
Hmmm what else....ahhh I will save it for another blog
It all started Labor Day with an early afternoon trip to the local Giant. Lines were long and it was packed as usual. After catching up with Soap Opera Digest and Cosmo and learning how to shed those pesky unwanted pounds, I finally was next in line for checkout. That's when it happened. A man walks in and demands that the cashier open the register and puts a gun to her face. Of course she panicked and because she was in the middle of ringing up the customer in front of me - she couldn't open the register. So he yells "you've got one minute maam" and then walks out the door. They called the police and the cashier started crying. Wasn't sure what would happen next, if he would come back or just what. At the time, I didn't care, I just wanted to get my food and leave. Even after what just happened, my mind was just on getting the heck out of there with my groceries. So they told everyone they had to change lines and there was just no way I could see myself starting over again, so I went to the customer service line and got out of there. On the way out I looked for the guy, because my mind didn't really prompt me that I was in danger. I was just tired.
About 5 minutes later the gravity of what happened occurred to me. We could have been killed or injured all in broad daylight! The strange thing is, this guy was casually dressed, clean cut...not at all what you would expect to be holding up a gorcery store. So that was the beginning of one of the more stressful weeks I have had in awhile.
Work has been busy and sometimes it drives me insane. I get bitchy sometimes, but that is just me. I am trying to work on it, but sometimes it is just impossible to get anything done. It's like the whole day is one big interruption and then somehow you are supposed to figure out how to get stuff like billing done.
I have had to deal with this high maintenance producer - who if he isn't there bugging me, he is calling bugging me. He has a wonderful knack of wasting my time explaining the obvious to me. I saw some of his work -I am not that impressed. It is like he is the only one around - arrgghh. We had a big blow up one day and I heard him say get the hell out of his room, he swears he didn't say that - but wahtever he said - it wasn't nice and I was pissed. Then he had the nerve to be complaining about me - what a surprise - he complains about everything, but I think it's the fact that he assumed I wasn't trying to help him and he was somehow under the impression that I was bumping his edit time for someone else. Apparently the concept that someone else booked edit time a month earlier than him is foreign - which meant I had to get the editor to work overtime to get his stuff done.
Long story short, the guy is an asshole. Our confrontation involved my manager and the sales rep. Even then he said something rude. The truth is I hate working with that person. If I found out tomorrow that he was a child molester or serial killer, I would not be surprised at all. I generally hate confrontation - but I was so angry....I have been making nice with him since then - his current projects are almost done and hopefully if they hire him again, he can torture someone else.
Hmmm what else....ahhh I will save it for another blog
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
The Five Senses
Randomly, my mind will take me on journeys that - well - make me think. If I had to give up one of my senses - which would it be and why? The reason this thought came to me is probably due to my allergies. My allergies have made me so miserable the past few weeks, that at some point, I thought I may lose something. So I thought - if I had to lose one of my senses which would it be?
HEARING
I don't think I could live in a world without the enjoyment of sound. I love music way too much for that - speaking of which - I want that new nanopod - that's hot. Plus I love the sound of the laughter of my family and friends. The only time I can think that hearing loss would be great is for some of those boring meetings we have that tend to go on and on. There's one or two guys who ramble on and on and their voices drive me insane....but even still if I couldn't hear them, I wouldn't be able to mock them when they leave. Probably petty, but it is a coping mechanism - otherwise I'd probably hurt them, then be unemployed, then be homeless - it's an ugly cycle - so I'll just continue to imitate them for kicks.
SIGHT
Hmmm, can't lose that one either. Contemplating things like this makes me appreciate the little things - like butterflies and the beach and babies and men folk and cute outfits and nice houses...I could go on and on, but the point is, I hope I never have to deal with the reality of a world without sight.
SMELL
I love the smell of Starbucks. I think I should get stock in that company. And the smell after a shower, especially after a long work out. And food....
TASTE
Did I mention food? Especially seafood, mexican, italian....desserts, fruit....
Touch
There's something about the power of touch - a hug can just make my day. Or just when some of my touchy feely girlfriends tocuh my shoulders when they are talking to me. I absolutely love it. And when I am fortunate, feeling a man's touch - can't live without that....
I said all that to say - I love all my senses. I think the one that I would hate losing the most is...hearing.
I can't think of one or even imagine being without one - including the "sixth sense".
HEARING
I don't think I could live in a world without the enjoyment of sound. I love music way too much for that - speaking of which - I want that new nanopod - that's hot. Plus I love the sound of the laughter of my family and friends. The only time I can think that hearing loss would be great is for some of those boring meetings we have that tend to go on and on. There's one or two guys who ramble on and on and their voices drive me insane....but even still if I couldn't hear them, I wouldn't be able to mock them when they leave. Probably petty, but it is a coping mechanism - otherwise I'd probably hurt them, then be unemployed, then be homeless - it's an ugly cycle - so I'll just continue to imitate them for kicks.
SIGHT
Hmmm, can't lose that one either. Contemplating things like this makes me appreciate the little things - like butterflies and the beach and babies and men folk and cute outfits and nice houses...I could go on and on, but the point is, I hope I never have to deal with the reality of a world without sight.
SMELL
I love the smell of Starbucks. I think I should get stock in that company. And the smell after a shower, especially after a long work out. And food....
TASTE
Did I mention food? Especially seafood, mexican, italian....desserts, fruit....
Touch
There's something about the power of touch - a hug can just make my day. Or just when some of my touchy feely girlfriends tocuh my shoulders when they are talking to me. I absolutely love it. And when I am fortunate, feeling a man's touch - can't live without that....
I said all that to say - I love all my senses. I think the one that I would hate losing the most is...hearing.
I can't think of one or even imagine being without one - including the "sixth sense".
Friday, September 02, 2005
Attack of the BC Flashers
Today for the first time in my life, I got real business cards - business cards my employer paid for. This might seem like a small thing, but to me it is HUGE! I was trying to be cool when I saw them waiting on my desk, but inwardly I was so excited. It's like for the first time since I have been working, I feel - validated. Finally an employer thinks enough of me to buy me business cards. It's like they are acknowledging that I am somebody.
It seems silly, but I have secretly been envious of people with business cards for a really, really long time. I would get so annoyed at networking events when everyone would flash their cards and when asked for mine I would (a) pull out my homemade cards - which are alright, except that I move so often the address is out of date or (b) politely take their cards and inform them that I am in the process of updating mine. It's like their business cards made them more important - it made them special and they were flaunting them just to make me feel bad - I know - so melodramatic. (it's part of my charm)
Now I can't wait for the next networking event. Because now, I too can be a flasher - heck I have 1000 of them. Make that 996 - I already gave out four in the span of about 15 minutes. I am excited to join the ranks of the flashers. See - I always knew it - I am somebody, it says so on my card.
It seems silly, but I have secretly been envious of people with business cards for a really, really long time. I would get so annoyed at networking events when everyone would flash their cards and when asked for mine I would (a) pull out my homemade cards - which are alright, except that I move so often the address is out of date or (b) politely take their cards and inform them that I am in the process of updating mine. It's like their business cards made them more important - it made them special and they were flaunting them just to make me feel bad - I know - so melodramatic. (it's part of my charm)
Now I can't wait for the next networking event. Because now, I too can be a flasher - heck I have 1000 of them. Make that 996 - I already gave out four in the span of about 15 minutes. I am excited to join the ranks of the flashers. See - I always knew it - I am somebody, it says so on my card.
Me and PT
I have always had a love/hate relationship with PT (public transportation) As a child, I hated it because it took such a long time to get home - hence less outside play time for me since I had to be in the house by the time the street lights came on. I also loved it, because we had an old thunderbird which was in the repair shop more often than it ran. Without it, we would have not had the means to get from point A to B. Moving to Jacksonville suspended any need for public transportation because the city is so large, public transportation is just impractical. Once I moved to the DC metro area, I still was resistant to public transportation unless necesarry. I hated the track between Gallery Place and Metro Center where during rush hour we were all smushed like sardines in a can. I hated the long train ride home to Branch Avenue when (I hate to say it - the amount of melanin increased) and the noise level increased to deafening volumes. I became used to my car and preferred it above any thing else - up until about 2 months ago when I started working in the city.
I lived in the suburbs at the time and really didn't have any other alternative. When I was informed by my rental office that my rent was increasing by $100, I knew I had no other alternative but to move closer. I wouldn't be able to afford the increase along with the costs of commuting. Gas back then was about $2.19 or so and parking was $5.50 a day (which is really cheap for the city). Considering I had to fill up about 1.5 times - 2 times a week, the outgo added up substantially.
Fortunately I found a place in the city with free parking - garage parking at that. I also found out that the city bus drops off about 2 blocks from my office - which indeed is a blessing.
My long commutes and pocket drain ignited a love affair with public transportation once again. Even with the cast of characters, and there are some pretty intersting ones - like the lady who sings loudly on the bus; the guy who apparently never heard of headphones and decided to share his R Kelly video with the entire bus - he seemed to be under the impression that just because he paid for his DVD player, that he had a right to play it as loud as he wanted; or even better the guy who pants were so low his bare behind was sitting on the seat. There is also the lack of PT manners - like people who bumrush the bus as soon as the door is opened instead of waiting for the onboard passengers to exit first or the people who assume the people sitting next to them are hearing impaired and talk so loudly that everyone on the bus knows all the sordid details of their life.
But even all that hasn't soured me on the positives of PT. With the soaring gas prices which have inexplicably hit $3.20 almost overnight, driving seems even less desirable. I know we have been told that the price hike is due to hurricane Katrina, but I am of the opinion that this is yet another way the oil corporations are taking advantage of disasters. Yes, I know we depend on the Gulf for oil, but other countries have offered assistance to the oil companies, but it doesn't seem to trickle down to the American consumer.
I am speculating that as the prices continue to hike, PT costs may increase and service may be decreased, but for now I will keep my Smartcard handy.
I lived in the suburbs at the time and really didn't have any other alternative. When I was informed by my rental office that my rent was increasing by $100, I knew I had no other alternative but to move closer. I wouldn't be able to afford the increase along with the costs of commuting. Gas back then was about $2.19 or so and parking was $5.50 a day (which is really cheap for the city). Considering I had to fill up about 1.5 times - 2 times a week, the outgo added up substantially.
Fortunately I found a place in the city with free parking - garage parking at that. I also found out that the city bus drops off about 2 blocks from my office - which indeed is a blessing.
My long commutes and pocket drain ignited a love affair with public transportation once again. Even with the cast of characters, and there are some pretty intersting ones - like the lady who sings loudly on the bus; the guy who apparently never heard of headphones and decided to share his R Kelly video with the entire bus - he seemed to be under the impression that just because he paid for his DVD player, that he had a right to play it as loud as he wanted; or even better the guy who pants were so low his bare behind was sitting on the seat. There is also the lack of PT manners - like people who bumrush the bus as soon as the door is opened instead of waiting for the onboard passengers to exit first or the people who assume the people sitting next to them are hearing impaired and talk so loudly that everyone on the bus knows all the sordid details of their life.
But even all that hasn't soured me on the positives of PT. With the soaring gas prices which have inexplicably hit $3.20 almost overnight, driving seems even less desirable. I know we have been told that the price hike is due to hurricane Katrina, but I am of the opinion that this is yet another way the oil corporations are taking advantage of disasters. Yes, I know we depend on the Gulf for oil, but other countries have offered assistance to the oil companies, but it doesn't seem to trickle down to the American consumer.
I am speculating that as the prices continue to hike, PT costs may increase and service may be decreased, but for now I will keep my Smartcard handy.
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