Bart Simpsoned

I got Bart Simpsoned at work Friday. It was really quite humorous. We have a paging system at work and occasionally I have to answer phones (which I despise). I am in the middle of writing an email and various other fires and I get a call. Yes, I hve a colleague visiting today - Can you please page her? Her name is Anita Nujob. In my head I am thinking what in the world kind of name is that? So I paged her. Normally we page a person twice, so as I was saying it the second time, I hear it what I am actually saying....and then I hear laughter. Then of course someone says, please repeat the page...more laughter. Of course by then, I got it and was only slightly embarrassed. That was pretty funny (and there is probably more truth than I would admit). It was a good way to end the workday.

Basement Blues

I don't understand how people can live in the basement. As nice as some of them are, I just can't picture living in a basement. I thought about it when I was looking for a place, but it's just not for me. Right now I work in a basement, and I think in some ways it is getting to me. I need sunlight. There could be a blizzard or a completely beautiful day and I wouldn't know it. I try to get out, but lately I have had so much to do- it has been nuts.

I have been getting to the gym, but today I was so tired I did twenty minutes of cardio and a little resistance and I was pooped.

It was a sad day at work. The fox has officially taken over the hen house and the steward won't be around anymore. That's all I will write about that. I will probably say a lot more, but then I can always deny what I said, but it's hard to deny something in writing. I am so transparent anyway, I couldn't deny anything if I wanted to.

On a good note, one of my best friends called me tonight. I was so happy to hear her voice. I miss her a lot. We used to be together all the time - we were like sisters. Our lives are so different now, but it seems everytime we communicate that connection is still there. I hope we can have a reunion/housewarming for her soon. (Long story)

Inspirational Thought: "People who do well are not geniuses; they don't have a birthright for doing well. Somebody helped them along the way and they did the hard work along the way." - Deborah Prothrow-Stith

Another One Bites the Dust

Why do the good people leave? Do they know something I don't?

Inspirational Thought: Fear keeps up from taking action, and if we don't act, we never get beyond where we are now. - Jack Canfield

What Are You Still Doing Here?

I hate that question. I mean I am already agitated that I am still "here" and am doing my best to not be "here" and otherwise well-meaning people interrupt me and ask that question...it's like a reminder that I am not out having a life - instead I am "still" working.

I am not even sure what the correct answer is. I mean the obvious answer is - I am still here because I still have stuff to do. I guess my favorite is, "you know, I was just thinking, that I don't spend enough time working, and I love this place so much, I thought I'd stay late just to keep my spirits up".

And even slightly more annoying is the security guard who seems to track my comings and goings. Like for instance I left for the gym around 2;30 yesterday and he asks why am I leaving so early...I say I am coming back, I am just taking my lunch break. I get back around 3:45 and he says "that was a long lunch break, you shouldn't have been gone that long" I am thinking, 'hmmm, didn't know I had to check in and out with you'. I say, "I deserved a long break - I needed every minute" That answer seems satisfactory. (Phew, I was worried) And it's back to work.

So that's the question everytime I am at work late, I am bound to hear that question at least once. I guess it is part of the deal. I suppose I should count my blessings and I should be happy people care enough to ask.

One Bad Turn Deserves Another

Why follow up one bad decision with another bad one? It defies logic.

Inspirational Thought of the Day:

You can never get others to believe in you if you don't believe in yourself. - George Fraser

Nasty Tail Girls

Yes this is another rant.

The subject: Nasty Tail Girls
The motivation: My trip to the gym this evening.

How is it possible for a grown woman (or a child anyone out of diapers for that matter) to be so nasty. Aside from my general irritation with not cleaning up the sprinkle after the tinkle, this by far was worse. Someone left a soiled towel on the hip abductor machine today. I am not sure what it was soiled with - it appeared to be a mixture of blood and possibly fecal material. I surmised it was a woman because of the blood, but also whoever used it last was only using a resistance of 60 - typically guys can handle a lot more. Could you be more disgusting? How about (well first, not doing that) but how about nicely throwing the towel away. It was so gross, they probably didn't want to touch it either. I managed to pick it up with another towel and dispose of it, then I disinfected the area. The sight of it still lingers in my mind, because it defies my understanding that someone could be soooo nasty.

This of course got me to thinking of a lot of the nasty tail things some women do.

Like some women drop their dirty underwear on the floor of the locker room. Nobody wants to see that - especially after you have worked out. I would never put my underwear clean or dirty on the floor of some public place....

How about making sure you flush especially during that special time, nobody wants to see that. Is there a shortage of water that makes it impossible to flush - would it exert too much energy to press the handle.

And how about washing your hands after going to the toilet - novel concept, but it could work. It's nasty tail people which makes me have to take an extra paper towel to open the door with - thereby using up another part of a tree that could be used for a better purpose.

What are these people learning at home? I just can't understand the behavior. I know most public places have a cleaning service, but dang. That is just ridiculous. Enough of my ranting - I'm just saying...

Reading Re-visited

I am so excited about my book club meeting. I haven't read a book for pleasure in such a long time, I'd forgotten how much I enjoy it. I am so thankful for my friend Laura for inviting me to join. Our first meeting is next Saturday. Our book of the month is "Kindred" by Octavia Butler. It was a surprisingly easy read - I didn't think it would be from looking at the cover. I thought it would be like "Beloved" (which no disrepect, was not an easy book for me to get through - it was often depressing)

'Kindred" is a time travel story of young black woman in 1976 who is periodically transported back to the 1800s Maryland to help her ancestors - particularly her great great grandfather who happens to be an heir and future slave owner of a substantial Maryland plantation. She first meets him as a child, Rufus, where she saves him from drowning only to be insulted by his mother and held at gunpoint by his father. As if on cue, she is trasported back to her own time and husband. A common theme is that she is generally "called" back int to time to save Rufus - mainly from himself. I won't say too much more about it, but it is a great read,

I can't wait to our next selection.

America the Beautiful

Last night I hung out with some of significant other's friends and had a really nice time. I like his friends. I started talking to his ex-roommate's wife and we were talking about traveling. I told her I wanted to visit all 50 states and eventually start seeing places overseas. She loved to travel and had visited a lot of places and took a cross country road trip years ago. That sounds like the best thing ever. I have always wanted to do that. But with only 2 weeks vacation - it makes it a little difficult - note to self - negotiate for more vacation time at next job. A friend of mine also took a road trip with her husband and loved just hearing about it, so I could live through them. My mom and her brothers took an East coast road trip a few years ago too.

A road trip sounds like a great vacation. I want to do the west coast. I am thinking maybe fly in to AZ or Nevada or CA and start driving. I could probably get a week in. There are so many places I want to go - still want to do Niagara Falls and Canada - maybe the Toronto Jazz Festival...

I was particularly inspired by the ESPN series 50 states in 50 days. I would have loved to do that. I enjoyed the series. They went to every US State and highlighted some of the states "must see or must do" places and talked about sports legends or sporting activies in that particular state...

I think I spend more time thinking about vacation than I do about - well a lot of other things. My travel fund is growing, so although I don't know where I am going yet, I am going somewhere!

Preparation

I need more time to get myself together. I want to be ready when the opportunity is presented. As more and more changes occur, it's obvious that I need to prepare. I think these changes are the push I need to keep me focused. Out of mass confusion can come clarity.

I sense that a few people are re-evaluating things, so I am not alone in this mission.

Time will tell.

Winds of Change

It wasn't a matter of if - it was a matter of when. I guess the time was sooner that I thought. I made a promise to myself and I intend to keep it.

I worked toward my dream today by:

Putting a lot of my ideas on paper
Making phone calls to gather material for my clip reel
Making a phone call on behalf of someone else's dream

A Life Well Lived

Today I went to a funeral for my co-worker's mom. I had never met his mom and for the time I have known him - she had been very sick. It felt a little awkward to go to a funeral for a person you've never met, but I have such respect and admiration for him, I felt I had to go. A lot of us went. As the services proceeded, I realized that although I never met her, I did know her. I knew her through him. As more and more people spoke of her wonderful qualities, I saw all of those things in him. He is a class act.

I looked around to see who came to the funeral and people of all ages and backgrounds were there. To me that is a sign of life well lived. She managed to touch people outside of her comfort zone. She had been an actively involved in the Civil Rights Movement and loved her family, friends, and God and the church. She was a teacher and loved children.

My coworker requested that while flowers were welcome, a donation to a childrens' charity in her name would be welcome as well. I will be sure to do that. I think my co-worker was really moved that so many of us came out today.

I re-learned two things today.

1. Your presence is often more important than your presents. Sometimes just being there is enough - and often better than not being there and sending a gift.

2. The greatest legacy you can leave is how you impact and influence others. His mom touched a lot of lives and her spirit and characteristics live on in him and probably in a lot of her family and friends. That is a wonderful testament of her life.

MLK Day

I took a moment to reflect on the life and legacy of Martin Luther King, Jr, what he represented and how one person could have such a far reaching impact on United States and the world at large. Then I thought of one of my former classmates. We were friends for awhile. She- Hispanic-American and me - African-American. Other than our height and affinity for the same music, we had little else in common. Yet we managed to stay friends for awhile.

One day she commented that she didn't know why we got a day off for Martin Luther King's Birthday. She went on to say that "It's not like he really did anything all that great - he never did anything for me." For the life of me, I am not sure why she felt comfortable telling me that - she would tell me things like "she didn't see me as black, because I wasn't like any other black person" (perhaps because I talked "proper" - another culture shock I experienced when moving to the South). I digress. I told her that she didn't have to celebrate his birthday if she didn't want to but if it were not for his work, we may have never had the opportunity to meet. She blew that comment off and still maintained that she didn't understand why we had to have the day off. (Strange, I hardly ever complain about a day off)

I told my mom what she said and she was furious and I think she wanted me to end our friendship. She didn't ever explicitly say that - but it was clear that her opinion of her had changed. I think that (or at least I hope) that my former classmate, was only repeating something she heard in her home.

It was interesting in the future, she would say a lot more things with which I disagreed. She didn't believe in interracial relationships. I can still see the way she would frown when she would see an interracial couple. Me, being me, said, "you don't have to believe them for them to exist." She didn't believe in pre-marital sex - ironically she was the first one in our circle to lose her virginity - and not surprisingly - I was the last. I am pretty sure she didn't marry that guy - at least I hope not. He had a couple other girlfriends on the side.

She once stopped speaking to me because when she asked me if I was pro-life, I said no. She was furious with me. She didn't speak to me for a week. How bizarre, that the abortion debate mattered that much at such a young age - we were probably around 13 or 14. Because she was Catholic, she didn't believe in birth control, so I guess I could understand and repsect her stance. I had a hard time understanding why she couldn't seem to respect my point of view.

As the years passed, we grew apart. Last I spoke to her, she lived at home with her parents and worked as an accountant. That was about 3 years ago. I wonder if any of her ideas changed over the years, not so much the pro-life stuff, but the Martin Luther King, Jr, ideology. I hope so.

My Mother's Daughter

It's funny to think of all the times I promised myself that I wouldn't be like my mother and here I am - so similar it's scary. I remember when she made me mad, I swore I would never act like her when I grew up. But it happened - and before I could stop myself, her words were coming out of my mouth. I suspect this condition will get worse when I have children of my own.

But I hear her through me when I am at the grocery store "I remember when you could get eggs at (insert price here)" The only difference being the price. Did I just say that out loud?

I think one of the things that irritated me the most is when she would ask a question that she already knows the answer. Like, who ate the last of the cookies, Cindy? Or who burned this pot trying to fry bologna, GP? Arrghh, you already know I ate the last of (just about anything sweet) and you know a lot of the things my brother would do.... What are you trying to prove?

Yet I do the same thing.

She used to always use this reverse psychology thing where she allowed you to believe you were making your own decision, but in essence she was influencing the decision the whole time. There was a time when I didn't make the "correct" decision and the facade was lifted. She then flat out said "no" and I asked then "why did you make me feel as if I had a choice?"

Arrgghh I hated that - and even though I made a vow not to do that to my kids, based on my current behavior I have to say "outlook not so good"

Faith

I am so proud of myself. Today I acted on faith rather than fear. When offered a less than appetizing shot at stability, I chose to be still. I chose to believe that something better is ahead for me. It's one thing for me to know that deep down, but it's quite another for me to verbalize it - to act on it.

I spoke from the heart. I didn't lie to myself or to the person who was on the other side of the conversation. I was honest about what I want and need and it felt so good. It was like it was my official declaration to the universe. It was liberating.

I promised myself that this year I work towards moving away from project management. The truth is, I don't like it very much - at least not from what I have experienced so far. It is more like problem management.... I am good at it, but it is a just a pit stop.

I will admit with all the changes at my company, the offer was tempting - but I am feeling a little burned out right now, so a little stability in the short term is not what is best in the long term.

I have always believed that God put me here for so much more, now I am starting to act on that.

Resolution Check

So we are 10 days into the new year and I wanted to follow up on my resolutions.
So far, I have managed to set aside $100/wk in addition to my travel fund of $10/wk.
I have started faithfully going to the gym or working out on my own.
Fast food has essentially been nixed.
I have found it difficult to cook twice a week, but I have managed. Well the first week, I only cooked once...but I made up for it this week.

I still have been consumed with work, we were subjected to a lot of changes as soon as we got back - so much so that it has drained my energy.

Meaning, the writing hasn't happened, but it will. That is where the most improvement is needed.

Something to Believe In

Recently I had a talk with my cousin and she told me she was giving up Starbucks. In my mind, that is just crazy talk (other than the $3 per visit price tag) She told me it was because they are a big supporter of the homosexual agenda, mainly they support gay marriage or civil unions. I don't really know how true that is, nor am I hugely concerned. It is certainly not an issue I am willing to give up my morning boost for. I just think it is interesting that she feels so strongly about an issue that she is making a lifestyle change because of it.

It got me to thinking...are there businesses whose services I would be willing to forgo because of the owner's political stance? I am not sure. I guess if anything, I would consider boycotting businesses that support the more conservative right wing agendas.

I am not sure I am there yet. As a general rule, I don't shop at Wal-mart unless I am completely desperate (which is rare). I probably went to Wal-mart less than 10 times last year - I probably spent less than $200 during that entire time period as well. I think their employment practices are abysmal at best and has set the trend of "wal-martization" of our society. "Wal-martization" meaning spend "less" on the assumption that you are getting the same, but in actuality your getting less. That's a whole new blog....

I said all that to say, I think it is admirable that my cousin has the determination to stand up for her beliefs (although I don't share those particular beliefs). I wish more people would make conscientious choices about their consumer practices - I think our dollars would certainly yield more power if we were more selective about how and where we used them.

Boomerang

I have been thinking about it and I am not so sure jumping ship right now is the best option for me. Practically, it would probably be ok - but I think that is a move based on fear rather than a move I really would like to make.

Let's be honest, my heart isn't in it. It could possibly be an increase monetarily, but I am not sure that would even be worth it. The committment to another year of this....I just don't know if I can do it - even if it is at another facility. It would be more of the same.

I think I just want any movement on my part to be on my own terms and more importantly I don't just want another job - I want to do something that provides more than every other week for me.

The best part about the job I have now is the interaction with a variety of clients. I admit, I am not thrilled with the organizational changes, particularly about my supervisor. It is still really hard to walk in and see him sitting in that office.

I have a lot of thinking to do.

Phishing

I almost got it. In a way, things being crazy was a good thing as I hadn't had a chance to check my email. If I had I would have been scammed. I checked it this morning and this is what it read:

Subject Line: Unusual login attempts to your personal account!

Dear VyStar CU Customer,

We recently noticed several attempts to log in to your personal account from a foreign IP address and we have reasons to believe that your account was used by a third party without your authorization. If you recently accessed your account while traveling, the unusual login attempts may have been initiated by you.

The login attempt was made from:
IP address: 172.25.210.66
ISP Host: cache-66.proxy.aol.com

After three unsuccessful attempts to access your account, your personal Online Profile has been locked. This has been done to secure your accounts and to protect your private information. We are trying to make sure that your online transactions are secure.

You must unlock your profile by going to:

http://www.vystarcu.org/index.ht ml


If you should have any additional questions or concerns, please contact Customer Service at: service@vystar.org

Thank You for using VyStar CU ! ©2006 VyStar Credit Union. All rights reserved



Upon a cursory glance, it looks legit, but by the time I got to the link, it had been shut down. I went to my credit union's website, and it had an email/fraud alert that reads exactly as this email reads....

Upon re-reading the email, I now see some of the inconsistencies between this email and my credit union. My real credit union web address ends in .com instead of .org

It's scary though that someone got a list of email addresses and this attempt was made. I can't imagine what would have happened had I checked my email earlier this week and taken the bait.

It almost makes sense

So I understand the what's, why's and where's. I just don't understand the who's. I think there has been a lot of false advertisement.

Unbelievable

Yesterday was the worst. I knew it was an omen when I woke up with an attitude. I didn't want to go to work, but little did I know what was about to go down. I went from having the best boss in the world to...it was just really sad. It was termed something cute - like reorganization. They basically eliminated my manager's position and reassigned him to another department. In essence it was a demotion. His position was essentially split and now there are three point people. But the worst is that the person they put over department was in that position before and was removed (with good reason from what I've heard) and it seems that ever since he was reassigned he has been plotting to get his old job back. His reputation is...not so good. I don't know anyone who likes or respects him. In fact, before I came to the company, people warned me about him. Clients don't seem to like him either. I really can't understand why this decision was made. It is obvious that it's not my place to say one way or the other. It's not easy to deal with, but it is what it is. You know, I think the hardest thing is the way it went down. Perhaps you have to be underhanded to get ahead. He's been scheming on my boss for the longest - it's sickening.

Even still, it doesn't seem like the best judgment by upper management and that in itself makes me a little nervous about the direction of the company. I mean why reinstate a person to a position who was removed and who people consistently complained about? My dealings with him have been limited. My impression is that he is anal retentive, way too detailed oriented and a micro-manager. I just don't think he is a big picture person - and I think you need that for the position he is taking. But what do I know.....

From what I have heard, he is completely inept, which would be okay if he had people skills... He moved into my ex-manager's office today. It was painful to watch them trade offices. I almost wanted to cry. I wanted to cry for my old boss and I wanted to cry for me and everyone in our department. The ink had not even dried on my 401k forms. Why even bother? I don't even know what will happen with all this change.

I need the shock to wear off. Perhaps he has changed. Perhaps it will get better. Glad I have other things outside of work to look forward to.

Fearless

I had such a great time with my little cousins and part of the reason is they are such little people - so full of personality and unapologetically unique. They don't compromise themselves because of what others think and they are fearlessly invincible. It is one of the beautiful things about youth.

I often wonder when my personality became impaired with fear. Fear of what others would think if they saw the real me. I mean you still get me, but in a less potent dose - particularly around new people. I can remember certain parts of my personality were not so embraceable to the adults in my life - for instance, I am stubborn. I am also strong willed. Once I lose respect for a person, they are useless to me - and I had no problems letting the person know about it.

Granted those aren't the sugary sweet sides to my personality, but I think those traits are just as essential. When I deny those sides of me out of concern for what others think, I usually regret it.

I would like to recepture some of those traits and use them for good ;).

Happy New Year

It's a brand new year and another chance at living life to the fullest.

New Years Eve was fun and low key. Apparently I was pretty giddy, judging from the photos ;)

On tap for today: Since it is such a beautiful day. I figured I'd go for a walk either over the Key Bridge or by National Airport. That area is one of my favorites and I am not sure how much longer we will have such beautiful weather.

Then it's football and household chores. I think I might use one of those awesome bath fizzers and give myself a mini spa treatment.

Here's to a fabulous 2006!