Year in Review: Me and Ms. Lee at my birthday party at Dave and Busters - December 2004
Friday, December 31, 2004
Year in Review
2004 started out rough for me. The circumstances made me realize than I am stronger than I ever imagined possible. I am not sure I was completely sane the entire time, but I was functional. Things got better and I began to re-establish my independence. After a bone chilling winter, I finally got my own car - no more 4 part commutes to and from work (ped, bus, train, ped)! I re-discovered softball. I got my own place - in my name - sure it isn't a house, but it is decent start. I got out of a less than satisfying relationship. I, along with millions, protested an un-just war. I slowly started dating again. I wrote and directed a film that, despite all the issues, is quite an accomplishment. I discovered the spa. I started speaking my mind. I let go of some of the fear that stifled so much of my ability - (I still have a lot more ground to cover on that one). I got a promotion at work. I went to the US open. I made a lot of new friends. I took off work for my birthday and had a birthday party. For the first time in a long time, I was actually able to GIVE Christmas gifts, albeit nothing extravagant, but I stuck to a budget, and it was great.
2004 Bests
Best Sports Stories:
1. The Red Sox come back from a 3 game deficit against the Yankees to win the ACLS title and later go on to win the World Series
2. The Pistons beat the Lakers 4-1 in the NBA Championship
Best Reality Moments:
1. Fantasia wins American Idol.
2. Eva becomes America's Next Top Model.
3. Kelly beats out Jen to win The Apprentice.
Best Entertainment Moments:
1. Jamie Foxx's performance in Ray.
2. Oprah gives away: cars, house, favorite things....
3. U2 releases a new album.
4. The return of Anita Baker.
5. Extreme Makeover - Home Edition
Best Social Statements
1. Bill Cosby on our people. Well said! I am big on personal accountability.
2. Howard Dean on the war against Iraq.
2004 Blahs
Sports:
1. Kobe and all his drama. Just shut up dude. Save the drama for the soap stars.
Politics:
1. Bush, Bush and more Bush....
2. The war on democracy, homosexuals, the environment, liberty and the middle class - (see Bush)
3. By the way, whatever happened to the weapons of mass destruction and mushroom clouds? Interesting that I just heard on CBS news, that the predominant reason for the war was to establish democracy in Iraq.... hmmm a little bit of revisionist history.
Music
1. Although he is a talented artist....R Kelly - dude, what's up with all the drama. Grow up.
2. All the wannabe gangsta rappers who only talk about bling-bling and hos.
Entertainment
The big hoopla over Janet's boobs - much ado....
Britney Spears married... again - to Shar Jackson's baby's daddy.
Star Jones's corporate sponsored wedding - tacky, tacky, tacky.
The Swan and Extreme Makeover and the syndication of Fear Factor.
That's all for now....
2004 Bests
Best Sports Stories:
1. The Red Sox come back from a 3 game deficit against the Yankees to win the ACLS title and later go on to win the World Series
2. The Pistons beat the Lakers 4-1 in the NBA Championship
Best Reality Moments:
1. Fantasia wins American Idol.
2. Eva becomes America's Next Top Model.
3. Kelly beats out Jen to win The Apprentice.
Best Entertainment Moments:
1. Jamie Foxx's performance in Ray.
2. Oprah gives away: cars, house, favorite things....
3. U2 releases a new album.
4. The return of Anita Baker.
5. Extreme Makeover - Home Edition
Best Social Statements
1. Bill Cosby on our people. Well said! I am big on personal accountability.
2. Howard Dean on the war against Iraq.
2004 Blahs
Sports:
1. Kobe and all his drama. Just shut up dude. Save the drama for the soap stars.
Politics:
1. Bush, Bush and more Bush....
2. The war on democracy, homosexuals, the environment, liberty and the middle class - (see Bush)
3. By the way, whatever happened to the weapons of mass destruction and mushroom clouds? Interesting that I just heard on CBS news, that the predominant reason for the war was to establish democracy in Iraq.... hmmm a little bit of revisionist history.
Music
1. Although he is a talented artist....R Kelly - dude, what's up with all the drama. Grow up.
2. All the wannabe gangsta rappers who only talk about bling-bling and hos.
Entertainment
The big hoopla over Janet's boobs - much ado....
Britney Spears married... again - to Shar Jackson's baby's daddy.
Star Jones's corporate sponsored wedding - tacky, tacky, tacky.
The Swan and Extreme Makeover and the syndication of Fear Factor.
That's all for now....
New Years Eve
Part of me wants to stay in and watch old movies, part of me wants to go out and dance, part of me wants to go to church. I don't know which part will win. I know the first part doesn't involve fixing my hair :) Sounds tempting... surely I wouldn't let a little thing like my hair get in the way of a night out....
We'll see.
We'll see.
Thank you Circuit City
Thank you Circuit City for having your $9.99 CD sale. I picked up Fantasia and U2's new one. I love them both. Fantasia has the most incredible range. I feel ya girl, on the baby mama song - I can't relate personally, but mom can. There are some nice cuts on the album - I am looking forward to the sophomore disc.
U2, what can I say - we go way back! Your album rocks! Absolutely phenomenal work.
And Circuit City, thanks once again, cuz you know a sista is frugal with the funds.
U2, what can I say - we go way back! Your album rocks! Absolutely phenomenal work.
And Circuit City, thanks once again, cuz you know a sista is frugal with the funds.
The Holidays
The holidays were so great for me. It was nice going home to see some of my family. The first day back was hectic because I spent the entire afternoon with my mom shopping for the kiddies. It was fun though, I started off having no idea what I was looking for, but it all just came together. I spent most of the evening wrapping presents. On Christmas Eve, I spent a little time with my Aunt and Uncle. Then my mom, my brother and I drove up to Atlanta to spend Christmas with my cousin Eric and his family. We got there that evening and stayed up until about 3am talking, laughing and reminiscing. My aunt's entire family was there except for one person, so it was a full house. We went through some old pictures and even re-enacted one - it was funny. It was like old times when we all used to spend Christmas together back in Kansas City. My cousin Eric is probably the cousin I was closest to as a child. We used to sleep in the same bed and we were always together. We were more like brother and sister and sometimes we would tell people that. Things have changed a lot since then.
He has a beautiful family of his own. He has a wife and an adorable 3 year old that acts the same way he did when he was a kid. My cousin Charita surprised us all with her new husband Ray. It reminded me of the Cosby Show ep. when Denise brings Martin home and announced that they are married.... We all gave him the once over.... he's a good guy. They make a cute couple and even though it was really sudden, they seem to be really happy. I hope that it works out for them.
All my eleven years olds are taller than me - big surprise! Everytime I see them, they are so grown up - it's amazing.
Christmas day was more of the same - eating, playing, talking, more eating.....watching tv. Melissa, Eric's wife asked that he open his Christmas present in front of everyone. It was a weird shaped thing, looked kinda like a pen. He opened it. It was a pregnancy test! Everyone was really excited, but it was a little bittersweet.
Later on that evening, the kids put on a talent show that we videotaped for Eric. Wow, my eleven year old cousin can blow, who knew she could sing like that, her younger brother can dance, and the some of the others danced, read poetry. Then all of us said a few words for Eric. His son was so cute when he stood up to say a few words. He walks up and clears his throat and thoughtfully puts his finger up to his mouth. We are all quietly waiting in anticipation. After a brief pause, he whispers, "I have to go to the bathroom" and runs out. It was so funny... guess you had to be there.
What I didn't mention is that Eric is going back to Iraq for at least 18 months. He leaves sometime in January. We are all pretty upset about it, but we are trying to stay positive. We all prayed and made him a pretty cool tape, some serious stuff, some funny stuff. He is such a great guy, a family man, I hate that he has to leave his family and go back to a war zone. I believe he will be back, but I just wish sooner rather than later, so he could see the birth of his second one.
The next day, we hung out some more and took a bunch of pictures, some of which I will post and hit the road.
Back in Jax, ma drove me crazy, but only briefly. We spent the entire day at the mall, which was not at all what I wanted to do. But it's cool. We didn't even find anything at the mall.
The next day we went to my uncle's mother's funeral in Quincy. I didn't know her that well, but she was always really nice and that she was such an active woman. Can you imagine an 80 something year old mowing her own lawn? Amazing... She was a small woman with a big heart. I think my uncle was really glad we came. It's weird how funerals are like mini-family reunions. I wouldn't have seen some of my other cousins, if it hadn't been for that. I was so happy to see them, if only for a little while.
The next day, I had lunch with my best friend, her son, and another high school friend. That was fun. It was great seeing them again. Her son, too (who is 9) is taller than me. He's really handsome. I wish we had more time to hang out, but it was hectic this year.
Now I am back. I had a deep conversation with ADJ last night. I guess he came up with a shocking revelation. He needs to let me go or marry me. I listened to him. I had come to that conclusion awhile ago and am content without him. I feel like I have been without him for so long, that I've already conditioned myself to living without him. We have had completely separate lives for so long, I don't think there is much we have in common except the past. It's weird sometime, but it's ok. I am eager to move on.
He has a beautiful family of his own. He has a wife and an adorable 3 year old that acts the same way he did when he was a kid. My cousin Charita surprised us all with her new husband Ray. It reminded me of the Cosby Show ep. when Denise brings Martin home and announced that they are married.... We all gave him the once over.... he's a good guy. They make a cute couple and even though it was really sudden, they seem to be really happy. I hope that it works out for them.
All my eleven years olds are taller than me - big surprise! Everytime I see them, they are so grown up - it's amazing.
Christmas day was more of the same - eating, playing, talking, more eating.....watching tv. Melissa, Eric's wife asked that he open his Christmas present in front of everyone. It was a weird shaped thing, looked kinda like a pen. He opened it. It was a pregnancy test! Everyone was really excited, but it was a little bittersweet.
Later on that evening, the kids put on a talent show that we videotaped for Eric. Wow, my eleven year old cousin can blow, who knew she could sing like that, her younger brother can dance, and the some of the others danced, read poetry. Then all of us said a few words for Eric. His son was so cute when he stood up to say a few words. He walks up and clears his throat and thoughtfully puts his finger up to his mouth. We are all quietly waiting in anticipation. After a brief pause, he whispers, "I have to go to the bathroom" and runs out. It was so funny... guess you had to be there.
What I didn't mention is that Eric is going back to Iraq for at least 18 months. He leaves sometime in January. We are all pretty upset about it, but we are trying to stay positive. We all prayed and made him a pretty cool tape, some serious stuff, some funny stuff. He is such a great guy, a family man, I hate that he has to leave his family and go back to a war zone. I believe he will be back, but I just wish sooner rather than later, so he could see the birth of his second one.
The next day, we hung out some more and took a bunch of pictures, some of which I will post and hit the road.
Back in Jax, ma drove me crazy, but only briefly. We spent the entire day at the mall, which was not at all what I wanted to do. But it's cool. We didn't even find anything at the mall.
The next day we went to my uncle's mother's funeral in Quincy. I didn't know her that well, but she was always really nice and that she was such an active woman. Can you imagine an 80 something year old mowing her own lawn? Amazing... She was a small woman with a big heart. I think my uncle was really glad we came. It's weird how funerals are like mini-family reunions. I wouldn't have seen some of my other cousins, if it hadn't been for that. I was so happy to see them, if only for a little while.
The next day, I had lunch with my best friend, her son, and another high school friend. That was fun. It was great seeing them again. Her son, too (who is 9) is taller than me. He's really handsome. I wish we had more time to hang out, but it was hectic this year.
Now I am back. I had a deep conversation with ADJ last night. I guess he came up with a shocking revelation. He needs to let me go or marry me. I listened to him. I had come to that conclusion awhile ago and am content without him. I feel like I have been without him for so long, that I've already conditioned myself to living without him. We have had completely separate lives for so long, I don't think there is much we have in common except the past. It's weird sometime, but it's ok. I am eager to move on.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
All I Want for Christmas Is.....
That's quite a loaded statement....there are many things I want in case anyone is curious.
I want to be on What Not to Wear. It would be great to have a 5K clothing allowance and hang out with Clinton and Stacy. Hey, I got quite a few clothes that should never be worn in public....
A Spa Wish gift certificate - I have fallen in love with Robert Andrews. Who knew that it was ok to feel that good? I think I want to start going at least twice a year, but once a quarter would be fantastic. A hot stone massage would be par for the course right now.
Wild Card spot for the Jags - let's be real, I really want them to win the SuperBowl in their own house - how cool would that be? But right now, I just want them in that last playoff spot. The Ravens have the tie-break advantage right now, but I am hoping they lose to Pitt this week and we beat Houston.... I think then, it will be a done deal. I mean there are a couple more teams, but we beat both of them earlier in the season, so we have the advantage in the tie-break scenario. We really have to win our last two and if the Ravens lose one, we are in :)
Can a sista get a date? A nice, fun pre-planned date that is so good it leads to another. Not, so what do you wanna do - I dunno what do you wanna do....ok you make all the plans.... No talk about exes, commitment, etc. Just fun. I am not really into the dinner and the movie for the first date, unless it is one heck of a good movie.
I want God-given favor. I want the kind of favor that defies human logic. I want it to extend to my family and friends. I want my peeps to be safe, prosperous and at peace. I want doors to be opened so that I can move forward with all the zillions of things I want to do in life. I want to get a house and maybe adopt a child. I want to travel and make a few more movies/pilots.
I want to meet Oprah at some point in my life. She is the woman! What an inspiration. I watched her True Hollywood Story not too long ago and was so inspired by her life, her accomplishments, but mostly her spirit. She is such a positive force in the universe.
If there was one thing I would ask for, it wouldn't even be for me... I would want Oprah to help my mom. She has a couple of health issues that if I could, I would find the best and pay for the best to help her resolve them. She seems to be trapped in the HMO quagmire and has found it very difficult to get help.
Most importantly, I want a better relationship with God, my family and friends. I know it sounds cheesy, but on the real, I couldn't ask for much more than that.
I want to be on What Not to Wear. It would be great to have a 5K clothing allowance and hang out with Clinton and Stacy. Hey, I got quite a few clothes that should never be worn in public....
A Spa Wish gift certificate - I have fallen in love with Robert Andrews. Who knew that it was ok to feel that good? I think I want to start going at least twice a year, but once a quarter would be fantastic. A hot stone massage would be par for the course right now.
Wild Card spot for the Jags - let's be real, I really want them to win the SuperBowl in their own house - how cool would that be? But right now, I just want them in that last playoff spot. The Ravens have the tie-break advantage right now, but I am hoping they lose to Pitt this week and we beat Houston.... I think then, it will be a done deal. I mean there are a couple more teams, but we beat both of them earlier in the season, so we have the advantage in the tie-break scenario. We really have to win our last two and if the Ravens lose one, we are in :)
Can a sista get a date? A nice, fun pre-planned date that is so good it leads to another. Not, so what do you wanna do - I dunno what do you wanna do....ok you make all the plans.... No talk about exes, commitment, etc. Just fun. I am not really into the dinner and the movie for the first date, unless it is one heck of a good movie.
I want God-given favor. I want the kind of favor that defies human logic. I want it to extend to my family and friends. I want my peeps to be safe, prosperous and at peace. I want doors to be opened so that I can move forward with all the zillions of things I want to do in life. I want to get a house and maybe adopt a child. I want to travel and make a few more movies/pilots.
I want to meet Oprah at some point in my life. She is the woman! What an inspiration. I watched her True Hollywood Story not too long ago and was so inspired by her life, her accomplishments, but mostly her spirit. She is such a positive force in the universe.
If there was one thing I would ask for, it wouldn't even be for me... I would want Oprah to help my mom. She has a couple of health issues that if I could, I would find the best and pay for the best to help her resolve them. She seems to be trapped in the HMO quagmire and has found it very difficult to get help.
Most importantly, I want a better relationship with God, my family and friends. I know it sounds cheesy, but on the real, I couldn't ask for much more than that.
Jingle Bells
Only one more night of torture before I go home for Christmas. I was hoping tomorrow would be the busy night, but I think it will be tonight instead - more fun for me. More importantly, why haven't I packed or even figured out what I want to get people? Granted, I am waiting to buy most things at home, so I don't have to lug a whole bunch of stuff through the airport. I am very excited about going home - I can't wait. We are spending Christmas in ATL with my cousin, Eric. He is the cousin that is closest to me in age; when we were children we would sometimes sleep in the same bed. He was always such a nice guy, that I have always felt a little protective of him. I am happy to be able to spend Christmas with him and his family along with everyone. It will be just like old times when we were kids. I am pleasantly surprised that everyone is coming.
Eric is going back to Iraq for a second time in January. I won't get into how angry I am about the whole ridiculous situation, because there is a retard in office with a twisted agenda (but I digress) I am happy that so many of us can come together, like a mini-family reunion without most of the production. I just wish I had more time off.
I'll be able to spend a few days with mom and my brother and I am always happy to see them. I will probably get a chance to see my best friend and her son, which will be good. I am sure her son is taller than me by now. Then I will have a couple to days to spend with myself:), which I need - it will be great to have a little quiet for a minute.
All that to say I am thrilled to get out of the rat race if only for a week. Hopefully by the time I get back, I will only have one job, so I won't be so exhausted.
Eric is going back to Iraq for a second time in January. I won't get into how angry I am about the whole ridiculous situation, because there is a retard in office with a twisted agenda (but I digress) I am happy that so many of us can come together, like a mini-family reunion without most of the production. I just wish I had more time off.
I'll be able to spend a few days with mom and my brother and I am always happy to see them. I will probably get a chance to see my best friend and her son, which will be good. I am sure her son is taller than me by now. Then I will have a couple to days to spend with myself:), which I need - it will be great to have a little quiet for a minute.
All that to say I am thrilled to get out of the rat race if only for a week. Hopefully by the time I get back, I will only have one job, so I won't be so exhausted.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
What's Wrong with Me
Absolutely gorgeous. Let's just be real. You already know you are hot... I am trying to ignore it, but it's hard.
Saturday, December 18, 2004
JC, short men....
JC, can you hook a sista up? We go way back, I am sure there is something you can do.....
The ball is in your court. I am not gonna trip, but I hope you follow through. You wouldn't be disappointed.
An acquaintance of mine suggested that I don't like short men. It was in no way confrontational, considering he is not short. But he was right when he guessed that I have never dated a short man. I never have, not necessarily by design, but it always worked out that way.
I think I would date a short guy....if he had a good personality. I guess that goes for a lot of guys though. I have a few biases. They made sound weird. Don't like shy men. If you want something, speak up! Don't like wimpy men or men who always act like victims.
I don't have the weirdo skin color thing. Black folk call it being colorstruck. I like light, dark and in-between and out the box....
I like an athletic build. I like a nice smile and an engaging personality. Democrats or Independents are nice - or just plain anti-Bush is fantastic ;) Ambitious, but not workaholics are great too. A grest sense of humor is tops. Thirst for new experiences is good, since I get bored easily.
The ball is in your court. I am not gonna trip, but I hope you follow through. You wouldn't be disappointed.
An acquaintance of mine suggested that I don't like short men. It was in no way confrontational, considering he is not short. But he was right when he guessed that I have never dated a short man. I never have, not necessarily by design, but it always worked out that way.
I think I would date a short guy....if he had a good personality. I guess that goes for a lot of guys though. I have a few biases. They made sound weird. Don't like shy men. If you want something, speak up! Don't like wimpy men or men who always act like victims.
I don't have the weirdo skin color thing. Black folk call it being colorstruck. I like light, dark and in-between and out the box....
I like an athletic build. I like a nice smile and an engaging personality. Democrats or Independents are nice - or just plain anti-Bush is fantastic ;) Ambitious, but not workaholics are great too. A grest sense of humor is tops. Thirst for new experiences is good, since I get bored easily.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Booty Call
I want a boyfriend, not a booty call. You just don't get it....but it's cool, cuz I'm just not that into you.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
I've Got My Own Issues
I have a friend who I love to death, but my goodness, sometimes conversation can be so draining. I am a good listener, but give me a break. Based on my last blog, I am in no emotional state to take on anyone else's problems. I have a tendency sometimes to connect with people on a level that their problems burden me too. That's ok sometimes, but I am tapped out right now.
Give me some sun, sand between my toes and a pleasure read.... let's take a time out on the drama. I need to save it for my next script.
Give me some sun, sand between my toes and a pleasure read.... let's take a time out on the drama. I need to save it for my next script.
Reality Bites
Maybe the fantasy is better than the reality. That's what scares me. I think I have allowed myself to get so excited by the idea of the possibilities that I may have lost sight of what is. Part of me is afraid of being disappointed. What if it worse than before...although that would be quite a feat. I actually wouldn't allow things to go that far.
On a different note, perhaps it is not my turn. That is not easy to accept, but that is how it appears. Things are certainly better, but I have a long way to go. I am guardedly optimistic, but the goal seems so unattainable sometimes. I sometimes wonder if I will ever achieve it...let's face it - I only have myself. That thought is a little overwhelming at times.
I sometimes wonder how life would have been different if I had chosen a different path - the path that I thought I wanted to lead so many years ago. Where would I be? How would my life be different? I am closer now, than ever, but still so far away. Life is so different than how I thought it would be. It's true, I have some power to change things, perhaps the biggest obstacle in what goes on inside my head.
I feel like I am in the ballpark, but still just an observer, not a player. How long? I say I that money is extremely important - and it is, but I really want to do something I enjoy. I want to be someone I enjoy. I want to "live my best life". I just feel like I am square one - like I want to scream. I feel like I am suffocating in bureaucratic lunacy.
Friday, I saw a little girl with her dad at the store. I was watching them interact, and I became sad all of a sudden. I wanted to cry, but I was in public. They looked so happy together. I have wanted that my entire life and I will never really know what that feels like. I don't think of it often, but seeing the two of them together brought out some emotions I didn't know I had.
Don't get me wrong I was a happy kid, but as I got older, I realized something (someone)was missing. My eventual meeting with him was less than satisfying. All he could offer was excuses and lies. I always had this hope there was some really good reason....like in the soap operas.... he didn't know I existed, otherwise he would have been there for me. The picture of him holding me when I was a little over a year old kinda dispels that one. Perhaps he had to leave the country for a top secret mission and that's why he couldn't be there. Childish, I know but it is thoughts like these that helped me cope.
I never really thought anything was wrong with me, but I couldn't understand how anyone would not want to know their child. How is that possible? I am sometimes afraid that I will meet and become involved with someone like him, someone who would abandon their children. I often pray for discernment, so that if I have kids, they won't have to go through that. That is one my biggest fears - I would never want my child to grow up without a father. That's grounds for a nice therapy tab in the future.
I had no idea I was going to write about this, when I sat down, but I guess that is what was on my mind.
On a different note, perhaps it is not my turn. That is not easy to accept, but that is how it appears. Things are certainly better, but I have a long way to go. I am guardedly optimistic, but the goal seems so unattainable sometimes. I sometimes wonder if I will ever achieve it...let's face it - I only have myself. That thought is a little overwhelming at times.
I sometimes wonder how life would have been different if I had chosen a different path - the path that I thought I wanted to lead so many years ago. Where would I be? How would my life be different? I am closer now, than ever, but still so far away. Life is so different than how I thought it would be. It's true, I have some power to change things, perhaps the biggest obstacle in what goes on inside my head.
I feel like I am in the ballpark, but still just an observer, not a player. How long? I say I that money is extremely important - and it is, but I really want to do something I enjoy. I want to be someone I enjoy. I want to "live my best life". I just feel like I am square one - like I want to scream. I feel like I am suffocating in bureaucratic lunacy.
Friday, I saw a little girl with her dad at the store. I was watching them interact, and I became sad all of a sudden. I wanted to cry, but I was in public. They looked so happy together. I have wanted that my entire life and I will never really know what that feels like. I don't think of it often, but seeing the two of them together brought out some emotions I didn't know I had.
Don't get me wrong I was a happy kid, but as I got older, I realized something (someone)was missing. My eventual meeting with him was less than satisfying. All he could offer was excuses and lies. I always had this hope there was some really good reason....like in the soap operas.... he didn't know I existed, otherwise he would have been there for me. The picture of him holding me when I was a little over a year old kinda dispels that one. Perhaps he had to leave the country for a top secret mission and that's why he couldn't be there. Childish, I know but it is thoughts like these that helped me cope.
I never really thought anything was wrong with me, but I couldn't understand how anyone would not want to know their child. How is that possible? I am sometimes afraid that I will meet and become involved with someone like him, someone who would abandon their children. I often pray for discernment, so that if I have kids, they won't have to go through that. That is one my biggest fears - I would never want my child to grow up without a father. That's grounds for a nice therapy tab in the future.
I had no idea I was going to write about this, when I sat down, but I guess that is what was on my mind.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Permission
I give myself permission to breathe.
I give myself permission to relax.
I give myself permission to take breaks.
I give myself permission to divorce all fruitless endeavors.
I give myself permission to release all one-sided relationships.
I give myself permission to speak my mind.
I give myself permission to grow.
I give myself permission to seek my own best interests.
I give myself permission to love.
I give myself permission to relax.
I give myself permission to take breaks.
I give myself permission to divorce all fruitless endeavors.
I give myself permission to release all one-sided relationships.
I give myself permission to speak my mind.
I give myself permission to grow.
I give myself permission to seek my own best interests.
I give myself permission to love.
Respect
I am so extremely pissed, it is unbelievable. I didn't get the job that I have already been doing....and doing well. And to make it worse the new person starts in January. Excuse them? And the person they hired was one of the people partially to blame for the mishap that occured although I took the hit for it. SO not cool, I was not involved in the mishap at all. Had I been involved, the mishap would not have occured.
They assured me that it was a tough choice, blah blah blah, and that everyone respects me yada yada yada and that everyone thinks I am doing a great job.
If that is respect..... then I am nervous to find out what the opposite must be like. I am angry, but I will get over it. I will take dinner breaks and leave on time.
I will get something better, I am sure. I just think the department I am in is stagnant and not well organized. I think my biggest issue is the fact that someone wasn't hired to do this job right away. They had me doing it which is so not cool.
On a different note, our eyes met, and I know I saw interest from you. Close the deal. I will accept - that's a promise.
They assured me that it was a tough choice, blah blah blah, and that everyone respects me yada yada yada and that everyone thinks I am doing a great job.
If that is respect..... then I am nervous to find out what the opposite must be like. I am angry, but I will get over it. I will take dinner breaks and leave on time.
I will get something better, I am sure. I just think the department I am in is stagnant and not well organized. I think my biggest issue is the fact that someone wasn't hired to do this job right away. They had me doing it which is so not cool.
On a different note, our eyes met, and I know I saw interest from you. Close the deal. I will accept - that's a promise.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Mother of the Matrix
Today, I read a most inspiring email regarding the true creator of both The Terminator and The Matrix. If this email is correct, and I believe it is, the writer is a black woman. Imagine, a black woman impacting Hollywood that way? That is so amazing. Of course, they weren't trying to pay a sister, but it looks like she is going to win her copyright infringement case against the Wachowski Brothers, Joel Silver and Warner Brothers.
It makes me believe that now, more than ever, I need to work towards my own dreams.
Here is a copy of the email below:
Hey Everybody:
It seems that "The Matrix" and "The Terminator"
stories were created by a Black woman.
Check it out. I looked up "Sophia Stewart" in the
internet and it seems legit.
I always did marvel at how many Black characters
appeared in The Matrix. It's so unusual for a
blockbuster movie like that to cast so many Black
actors. Sci-Fi, too. I don't know if it's true or not,
but I read somewhere that Will Smith was offered the
role of Neo but turned it down. Maybe that's why Jada
is in the sequel.
Globe Link - Entertainment Issue: 10/28/04
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Mother of the Matrix" Victorious By Martha Carter
Monday, October 4th 2004 ended a six-year dispute
involving
Sophia Stewart, the Wachowski Brothers, Joel Silver
and Warner
Brothers. Stewart's allegations, involving copyright
infringement
and racketeering, were received and acknowledged by
the
Central District of California, Judge Margaret Morrow
residing.
Stewart, a New Yorker who has resided in Salt Lake
City for the
past five years, will recover damages from the films,
The Matrix I,
II and III, as well as The Terminator and its sequels.
She will
soon receive one of the biggest payoffs in the history
of
Hollywood, as the gross receipts of both films and
their sequels
total over 2.5 billion dollars.
Stewart filed her case in 1999, after viewing the
Matrix, which she
felt had been based on her manuscript, "The Third
Eye,"
copyrighted in 1981. In the mid-eighties Stewart had
submitted
her manuscript to an ad placed by the Wachowski
Brothers,
requesting new sci-fi works.
According to court documentation, an FBI investigation
discovered that more than thirty minutes had been
edited from
the original film, in attempt to avoid penalties for
copyright
infringement. The investigation also stated that
"credible
witnesses employed at Warner Brothers came forward,
claiming
that the executives and lawyers had full knowledge
that the work
in question did not belong to the Wachowski Brothers."
These
witnesses claimed to have seen Stewart's original work
and that
it had been "often used during preparation of the
motion
pictures." The defendants tried, on several
occasions, to have
Stewart's case dismissed, without success.
Stewart has confronted skepticism on all sides, much
of which
comes from Matrix fans, who are strangely loyal to the
Wachowski Brothers. One on-line forum, entitled Matrix
Explained has an entire section devoted to Stewart.
Some who have researched her history and writings are
open to
her story. Others are suspicious and mocking. "It
doesn't bother
me," said Stewart in a phone interview last week, "I
always knew
what was true."
Some fans, are unaware of the case or they question
its
legitimacy, due to the fact that it has received
little to no media
coverage. Though the case was not made public until
October of
2003, Stewart has her own explanation, as quoted at
daghettotymz.com:
"The reason you have not seen any of this in the media
is
because Warner Brothers parent company is AOL-Time
Warner... this GIANT owns 95 percent of the media...
let me give
you a clue as to what they own in the media
business... New
York Times papers/magazines, LA Times
papers/magazines,
People Magazine, CNN news, Extra, Celebrity Justice,
Entertainment Tonight, HBO, New Line Cinema,
Dreamworks,
Newsweek, Village Roadshow... many, many
more!... They are not going to report on themselves.
They have
been surpressing my case for years..."
Fans who have taken Stewart's allegations seriously,
have found
eerie mythological parallels, which seem significant
in a case
that revolves around the highly metaphorical and
symbolic Matrix
series. Sophia, the greek goddess of wisdom has been
referenced many times in speculation about Stewart. In
one
book about the Goddess Sophia, it reads, "The black
goddess
is the mistress of web creation spun in her divine
matrix."
Although there have been outside implications as to
racial
injustice (Stewart is African American), she does not
feel that
this is the case. "This is all about the Benjamins,"
said Stewart.
"It's not about money with me. It's about justice."
Stewart's future plans involve a record label,
entitled Popsilk
Records, and a motion picture production company, All
Eyez On
Me, in reference to God. "I wrote The Third Eye to
wake people
up, to remind them why God put them here.
There's more to life than money," said Stewart. "My
whole
message to the world is about God and good and about
choice,
about spirituality prevailing over 'technocracy'."
If Stewart represents spirituality, then she truly has
prevailed
over the "technocracy" represented in both the
Terminator and
the Matrix, and now, ironically, by their supposed
creators.
Stewart is currently having discussions with CBS about
a
possible exclusive story and has several media
engagements in
the near future to nationally publicize her victory.
Source:
http://www.slccglobelink.com/main.cfm?include=subApplication&subApplicationName=quickRegister&fuse=registrationOrLoginRequired&thereferer=http%3A//www.slccglobelink.com/main.cfm/include/detail/storyid/785067.html
---------------------------------
Additional Excerpts:
http://asp.african-institute.org/articles.asp?Indeks=113
June 13th 2004. Sophia Stewart's press release read:
"The Matrix & Terminator movie franchises have made
world history and have ultimately changed the way
people view movies and how Hollywood do business, yet
the real truth about the creator and creation of these
films continue to allude the masses because the hidden
secret of the matter is that these films were created
and written by a Black woman... a Black woman named
Sophia Stewart. But Hollywood does not want you to
know this fact simply because it would change history.
Also it would encourage our Black children to realize
a dream and that is... nothing is impossible for them
to achieve!"
It makes me believe that now, more than ever, I need to work towards my own dreams.
Here is a copy of the email below:
Hey Everybody:
It seems that "The Matrix" and "The Terminator"
stories were created by a Black woman.
Check it out. I looked up "Sophia Stewart" in the
internet and it seems legit.
I always did marvel at how many Black characters
appeared in The Matrix. It's so unusual for a
blockbuster movie like that to cast so many Black
actors. Sci-Fi, too. I don't know if it's true or not,
but I read somewhere that Will Smith was offered the
role of Neo but turned it down. Maybe that's why Jada
is in the sequel.
Globe Link - Entertainment Issue: 10/28/04
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Mother of the Matrix" Victorious By Martha Carter
Monday, October 4th 2004 ended a six-year dispute
involving
Sophia Stewart, the Wachowski Brothers, Joel Silver
and Warner
Brothers. Stewart's allegations, involving copyright
infringement
and racketeering, were received and acknowledged by
the
Central District of California, Judge Margaret Morrow
residing.
Stewart, a New Yorker who has resided in Salt Lake
City for the
past five years, will recover damages from the films,
The Matrix I,
II and III, as well as The Terminator and its sequels.
She will
soon receive one of the biggest payoffs in the history
of
Hollywood, as the gross receipts of both films and
their sequels
total over 2.5 billion dollars.
Stewart filed her case in 1999, after viewing the
Matrix, which she
felt had been based on her manuscript, "The Third
Eye,"
copyrighted in 1981. In the mid-eighties Stewart had
submitted
her manuscript to an ad placed by the Wachowski
Brothers,
requesting new sci-fi works.
According to court documentation, an FBI investigation
discovered that more than thirty minutes had been
edited from
the original film, in attempt to avoid penalties for
copyright
infringement. The investigation also stated that
"credible
witnesses employed at Warner Brothers came forward,
claiming
that the executives and lawyers had full knowledge
that the work
in question did not belong to the Wachowski Brothers."
These
witnesses claimed to have seen Stewart's original work
and that
it had been "often used during preparation of the
motion
pictures." The defendants tried, on several
occasions, to have
Stewart's case dismissed, without success.
Stewart has confronted skepticism on all sides, much
of which
comes from Matrix fans, who are strangely loyal to the
Wachowski Brothers. One on-line forum, entitled Matrix
Explained has an entire section devoted to Stewart.
Some who have researched her history and writings are
open to
her story. Others are suspicious and mocking. "It
doesn't bother
me," said Stewart in a phone interview last week, "I
always knew
what was true."
Some fans, are unaware of the case or they question
its
legitimacy, due to the fact that it has received
little to no media
coverage. Though the case was not made public until
October of
2003, Stewart has her own explanation, as quoted at
daghettotymz.com:
"The reason you have not seen any of this in the media
is
because Warner Brothers parent company is AOL-Time
Warner... this GIANT owns 95 percent of the media...
let me give
you a clue as to what they own in the media
business... New
York Times papers/magazines, LA Times
papers/magazines,
People Magazine, CNN news, Extra, Celebrity Justice,
Entertainment Tonight, HBO, New Line Cinema,
Dreamworks,
Newsweek, Village Roadshow... many, many
more!... They are not going to report on themselves.
They have
been surpressing my case for years..."
Fans who have taken Stewart's allegations seriously,
have found
eerie mythological parallels, which seem significant
in a case
that revolves around the highly metaphorical and
symbolic Matrix
series. Sophia, the greek goddess of wisdom has been
referenced many times in speculation about Stewart. In
one
book about the Goddess Sophia, it reads, "The black
goddess
is the mistress of web creation spun in her divine
matrix."
Although there have been outside implications as to
racial
injustice (Stewart is African American), she does not
feel that
this is the case. "This is all about the Benjamins,"
said Stewart.
"It's not about money with me. It's about justice."
Stewart's future plans involve a record label,
entitled Popsilk
Records, and a motion picture production company, All
Eyez On
Me, in reference to God. "I wrote The Third Eye to
wake people
up, to remind them why God put them here.
There's more to life than money," said Stewart. "My
whole
message to the world is about God and good and about
choice,
about spirituality prevailing over 'technocracy'."
If Stewart represents spirituality, then she truly has
prevailed
over the "technocracy" represented in both the
Terminator and
the Matrix, and now, ironically, by their supposed
creators.
Stewart is currently having discussions with CBS about
a
possible exclusive story and has several media
engagements in
the near future to nationally publicize her victory.
Source:
http://www.slccglobelink.com/main.cfm?include=subApplication&subApplicationName=quickRegister&fuse=registrationOrLoginRequired&thereferer=http%3A//www.slccglobelink.com/main.cfm/include/detail/storyid/785067.html
---------------------------------
Additional Excerpts:
http://asp.african-institute.org/articles.asp?Indeks=113
June 13th 2004. Sophia Stewart's press release read:
"The Matrix & Terminator movie franchises have made
world history and have ultimately changed the way
people view movies and how Hollywood do business, yet
the real truth about the creator and creation of these
films continue to allude the masses because the hidden
secret of the matter is that these films were created
and written by a Black woman... a Black woman named
Sophia Stewart. But Hollywood does not want you to
know this fact simply because it would change history.
Also it would encourage our Black children to realize
a dream and that is... nothing is impossible for them
to achieve!"
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
My People....
Why, lord why? What's up with my people? Why do we find giving advance notice so challenging?
Profanity Unleashed
Ok, my vow to shed the profanity was irrefutably broken within fifteen minutes of me going to work yesterday....
Shall we try it again?
Shall we try it again?
Monday, December 06, 2004
Birthday Weekend
I am so proud of myself. This past birthday has shown me so much about myself. I have grown in so many ways this past year. Last year, I would have never taken off work - and even if I had, I would have never used the time to do something for myself. Also, I would have never had the courage to invite people to dinner and dancing afterwards. I know that sounds crazy, but hosting an event has always been one of my biggest hangups - like there always that fear that no one will show up.... and for the past few years I didn't really feel like there was any reason to celebrate. I didn't even feel like I deserved to have a gathering of any kind. Just those two things alone are signs of the work I have done this past year.
This birthday was truly about improvisation. The only thing I was sure of, was the fact that I wanted to go to the spa and have a hot stone massage. So I made the appointment and got a call on Thursday that the masseuse had injured his hand and would have to cancel. I was really sad, since I was so looking forward to that. Instead I got a twenty minute back massage (the only thing they had available) and a pedicure. Pedicures are sooo fantastic. Then I had a nice lunch and came home to get ready for an independent film premiere.
I went to the premiere with Rocky and it was really a great event. They had cocktails and dinner prior to the screening and the food was great. One of the sponsors was Tanqueray and you could have as many as you wanted.... It was really a nice size crowd. The name of the movie is "Issues" by Van Elder.
All in all, it was a pretty entertaining flick. It was a comedy and it was definitely told from the black male perspective. Some things struck me as funny, some didn't. It was interesting in that he added some nice twists in the movie. I enjoyed it overall, and I met a couple of interesting people there as well as I ran into a couple of familiar faces.
We went to the afterparty which was at Pearl. And it turned out to be fun, we stayed until closing.
Saturday, I had to run errands and then I hung out with Dale for a minute. Then I headed out to the Cheesecake Factory to reserve tables.... except they told me it would be a 4.5 hour wait! Michelle and her friend suggested Dave and Busters and so after talking to them, I decided to go there instead. So I had to call everyone, and let them know and eventually everyone found us, except for two people. But that was cool. We played games while we waited and waited.... and then finally we got a table. The food was fantastic ;)
Then a few of us went to Adams Morgan and it took forever to find a park! But finally we went and hung out a reggae joint.. It was just over way too soon. Geez I need to get out more!
I had a good time and I am glad I did this. I have decided I have to host more events - that way I will get better at it. I think I want to have a more intimate gathering in that it is difficult to get everyone to interact when they are sitting on opposite ends of the table.
Sunday was really laid back - the usual, except I skipped church even though I really wanted to go. I was just too tired. I got up late,cruised the mall for a minute,(and didn't spend any money) came home and watched football.
Talk about a fantasic weekend - friends, food, fun. I just want to thank all the people who made my birthday special.
This birthday was truly about improvisation. The only thing I was sure of, was the fact that I wanted to go to the spa and have a hot stone massage. So I made the appointment and got a call on Thursday that the masseuse had injured his hand and would have to cancel. I was really sad, since I was so looking forward to that. Instead I got a twenty minute back massage (the only thing they had available) and a pedicure. Pedicures are sooo fantastic. Then I had a nice lunch and came home to get ready for an independent film premiere.
I went to the premiere with Rocky and it was really a great event. They had cocktails and dinner prior to the screening and the food was great. One of the sponsors was Tanqueray and you could have as many as you wanted.... It was really a nice size crowd. The name of the movie is "Issues" by Van Elder.
All in all, it was a pretty entertaining flick. It was a comedy and it was definitely told from the black male perspective. Some things struck me as funny, some didn't. It was interesting in that he added some nice twists in the movie. I enjoyed it overall, and I met a couple of interesting people there as well as I ran into a couple of familiar faces.
We went to the afterparty which was at Pearl. And it turned out to be fun, we stayed until closing.
Saturday, I had to run errands and then I hung out with Dale for a minute. Then I headed out to the Cheesecake Factory to reserve tables.... except they told me it would be a 4.5 hour wait! Michelle and her friend suggested Dave and Busters and so after talking to them, I decided to go there instead. So I had to call everyone, and let them know and eventually everyone found us, except for two people. But that was cool. We played games while we waited and waited.... and then finally we got a table. The food was fantastic ;)
Then a few of us went to Adams Morgan and it took forever to find a park! But finally we went and hung out a reggae joint.. It was just over way too soon. Geez I need to get out more!
I had a good time and I am glad I did this. I have decided I have to host more events - that way I will get better at it. I think I want to have a more intimate gathering in that it is difficult to get everyone to interact when they are sitting on opposite ends of the table.
Sunday was really laid back - the usual, except I skipped church even though I really wanted to go. I was just too tired. I got up late,cruised the mall for a minute,(and didn't spend any money) came home and watched football.
Talk about a fantasic weekend - friends, food, fun. I just want to thank all the people who made my birthday special.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Thank God
Happy Birthday to Me. I must say the first few waking hours have not been too much fun. I had to apply for a position that I am already doing in addition to the position I have and I had to take an idiotic quiz, which I spent most of the morning working on.
The quiz is completely irrelevant to the job (did I mention that it is the job I am already doing... without any additional compensation.... in addition to my job....and I hate the idea that I had to spend my free time dealing with some nonsense like that....
But thanks to my best friend, she found a couple of the answers. She is amazing, especially when it comes to stuff like that. She thought of things I would have never thought up, particularly because I was stewing about the fact that I had to do it in the first place.
So at the interview, he told me that he wanted someone with a lot more experience.... THEN HE SHOULD HAVE FOUND THAT PERSON, BEFORE THE PREVIOUS PERSON TOOK HER NEW JOB. ARRRGGGHHH. INSTEAD, they had me do it for free....while they look for the perfect candidate.
I am so angry. It's really not about the stupid job. There is no question, I am more than qualified for it. The job itself sucks, because if soemthing goes wrong you get blamed. Bottom line, I want more money.
The quiz is completely irrelevant to the job (did I mention that it is the job I am already doing... without any additional compensation.... in addition to my job....and I hate the idea that I had to spend my free time dealing with some nonsense like that....
But thanks to my best friend, she found a couple of the answers. She is amazing, especially when it comes to stuff like that. She thought of things I would have never thought up, particularly because I was stewing about the fact that I had to do it in the first place.
So at the interview, he told me that he wanted someone with a lot more experience.... THEN HE SHOULD HAVE FOUND THAT PERSON, BEFORE THE PREVIOUS PERSON TOOK HER NEW JOB. ARRRGGGHHH. INSTEAD, they had me do it for free....while they look for the perfect candidate.
I am so angry. It's really not about the stupid job. There is no question, I am more than qualified for it. The job itself sucks, because if soemthing goes wrong you get blamed. Bottom line, I want more money.
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Book Club anyone?
I think I want to start a book club. But I am not sure how... I want it to be fun. A nice variety of books - anything from simple pleasure reading to self improvement to hmmmm I don't know. Which brings me to my first question.... who should be in the club? I guess after establishing who.... we then could decide which books and how often.
I think it would be fun, though one small time, I don't have much time for reading, but you know, but I could make time with the right motivation.
And the best part would be the discussions of course.... a little food, drink and lively conversation....
ahhh there are so many things I want to do - I just have to take the first step.
I think it would be fun, though one small time, I don't have much time for reading, but you know, but I could make time with the right motivation.
And the best part would be the discussions of course.... a little food, drink and lively conversation....
ahhh there are so many things I want to do - I just have to take the first step.
The One Bright Spot
I had a very rough day. I ended up taking the blame for something that really wasn't my fault. I had the meeting from hell. Thank you for being the bright spot if only for a moment. It made me temporarily forget the insanity surrounding me. Cheers to you.
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