Blogging is for Babies

Not really. It's just my way of justifying that I haven't written in forever. It's funny how losing my voice (which I suspect was due to a bad case of the flu) somehow affected my fingers. I thought of so many many things I wanted to post, but I just went to sleep instead. I have been so busy between work and... work. I know it's a sad reality. Last weekend was fantastic though. I was just beginning to feel a little bit better and I spent the weekend chilling. I must have been on the phone all day Saturday making up for lost time when I didn't have a voice. I will beback in the gym full time next week. I had to make sure I was completely better before going back and now I am 100%.

There has been so much going on in my head. I have gotten back into reading and decided that I need to make a few changes in my life. These changes are vital to my career and overall well being. One of the books I am reading is How to Win Friends and Influence People - which initially I was worried wouldn't be a good read, but after listening my best friend's praise about it, I knew it was worth the purchase.

I am tripping - although I have a boyfriend who I love a lot, I am not sure I am ready to committ. There is a part of me that thinks I am destined to be single. Maybe it is residual relationship stuff, but sometimes I just think.... I don't know. I couldn't ask for a more kind-hearted person...and here I am wigging out. Most of the times I am fine, but occasionally the thought of a permanent committment scares me. It's so....permanent. I was planning on dating before getting involved again. I spent 7 years involved with someone and that didn't end up the way I expected. But thank God it ended. Althougth I must admit he has been on my mind lately. Not really him - his mother. I have been thinking about her a lot. I was tempted to call, but decided not to. I don't have her number anymore, so I would have to call him and that isn't the best idea.

He used to have some sort of pull on me - I have ignored him for so long - I don't think that power is still there, but just in case, it is better to stay away. It's hard to explain, because at least with the guy I am currently seeing, the possibility is there to have a future with him (even though it freaks me out a little) - with the ex there is no chance, but who knows. He is very charming (just like his father) and I don't want to allow myself to get caught in that web.

At any rate, I guess I am trying to make up for all the lost time. Valentine's Day was nice - his birthday too. We went out to dinner. He got me a gift certificate to Elizabeth Arden which I will be redeeming soon :) I can't divulge what I have in mind for him - it is on the way, but he doesn't know about it yet. My plans for his surprise party fell apart because I was sick for a minute.

Work is driving me nuts. I still feel like I am dealing with a few snakes and my work load has increased by leaps and bounds, which will need to change. I plan on having that chat with my boss on Monday. I am also dealing with an underhanded person who just does little bs on the daily to make me look bad - I haven't decided if it is malicious, but I suspect that it is. She is a very devisive person not to mention she has the worst hair I have ever seen. Yeah, I know - I shouldn't have gone there, but she irritates me. She has the weirdo relationship with a co-worker and because we sit in such close proximity I have to hear about that crap all day. But that wouldn't bother me at all, if I didn't think she was out to make me look bad. Arrgghhh. The new boss thing - he's alright. I am watching my back though.

Something went wrong today, between a flaky client and a ridiculous work load. I admit that I acted impetuously and should have taken an alternate course of action. I just immediate went into fire fighting mode and put out the most immediate fire, but that left behind a smoldering fire that grew. Basically I helped someone who didn't plan for emergency by imparing someone who did. But, my real issue today and as of late is that I haven't had a spare moment to have one complete thought. My phone rings nonstop and between that and doing my job and elements of other people's job I was simply too spent to deal with diplomacy. Live and learn, Hopefully I will be able to smooth things over on Monday and work things out.

In the meantime, I am trying to do my own thing, because in case I haven't mentioned it, my job sucks. I have got to work towards something else at all costs. I know for sure I will get burnt out real soon. I think I had a drink almost every night this week. I have become a big fan of pinot grigiot - but I don't want it to become a coping mechanism.

I think my biggest mistake has been comparing where I was with where I am. The level of talent where I was far exceeds the talent resources I have available to me now. I feel that I have to be more of a mother here....it's very draining.

But, even with all the gripes with my job, I am glad I have it! I believe that while it is not what I want to do - it will open the door to other opportunities. I managed a remote production in Baltimore a couple of weeks ago that went really well - the client said it was the best they had - which is great, considering I was sick as a dog and that is beyond my job description (which seems to be ever changing). So I think I am proving myself beyond my job, which is great.

On a good note, financially I am doing a lot better. I can see a credit card debt free celebration in my future within the next month. It will be a banner day! I am going to an open house tomorrow, so there is hope for me yet :)

I Admit It

I am...I can't even say it - I am under the weather. Instead of spending the weekend with my boyfriend as I had visualized, I will be in bed. It especially sucks because I had planned on celebrating his birthday this weekend. His actual birthday is Valentine's day, but I thought it would be cool for him to have his own day. I had a little something in the works, but couldn't finish the planning because I have been so out of it.

I don't what to think about work. It seems my job description is ever-changing. Somehow, I ended up going on a remote shoot to Baltimore together. It was totally a last minute project and I spent the bulk of Thursday trying to tie together all the loose ends (I only found about the project on Tuesday evening) I juggled this in between the rest of my normal stuff all while having a sore throat and possibly something worse. Imagine being on the phone and PA system all day with a sore throat. What made it even more ridiculous is the crew call time was 5:00am, but since I was driving the company van and taking some of the crew with me - I had to leave my spot at 3am. The shoot turned out well, overall - there were a couple of minor problems, but it all worked out.

I said all that to say, is that I don't know when me being at a remote shoot became part of my job. It is conversation that I will have to have with my boss. I like being on-location, but it takes me away from all other stuff leaving others to cover for me. Had it not been for this shoot, chances are I would have called out sick today.

I hate taking sick days (when actually sick) Sick days are meant to use when you need a mental health day - like taking the time off for a weekend getaway or just to chill out at the park. Not for actually being sick. But I need time to recover - I hope that this passes soon.

Having a cold has got to be one of the most common miserable experiences. So now I am just rambling, so I will sign off. I could go on and on about random stuff....did I mention that I love the diamond heart pendant my boyfriend got me. I haven't taken it off...

5K Training Interrupted

So I was convinced to train for a 5K which would be the longest distance I have ever run. Things were going well. I could run for at least 1.25 miles staight and walk the rest. It seemed like I wasn't quite so winded the last time I went to the gym and then I got sick...I have been out of it since Monday (which was the last time I went to the gym) and by the time I go back it will probably feel like the first time. I got some arch support which helped a lot the last time I went to the gym. I have been doing mainly cardio training - eliiptical for 20minutes, Treadmill for 20-30 minutes. The idea of doing the treadmill for the enitre time would bore me to tears.

Anyway, I can't wait to get back into the swing of things.

Swimming with Sharks

Come on in - the water's fine. It is a shark infested swim. So much drama - so little time.

Christmas in February

Today, I got my Christmas gift. It came via fed ex and was in a a little box (one of my favorite sizes). It is a diamond heart pendant from my boyfriend. I tried it on and now I don't want to take it off. I won't be exchanging this one. It is keeper. Heck, he might be a keeper too ;)

Inspirational Thought: Diamonds are a girls best friend - I don't know who said it, but they are on to something!