What's In It For Me?

That has become a relevant question in my life now and I am starting to make decisions based on that question. Years ago, I would have thought that sounded selfish and "not nice", but since I have to manage my own interests, my perspective has changed.

So now, I am asking that question of my church ministry and even my membership there. I volunteer for the video ministry about once a month. Lately, it is with a sense of dread that I volunteer. Truthfully, I am not getting anything out of it. I have been trying to figure out it if I am just going through a phase or if I have truly outgrown it.

At the moment, I am having a difficult time trying to decipher how my presence there benefits me. I mean it would be nice to have better leadership, fully functional equipment and sharper camera people. Don't get me wrong, it has come a long way since I first started. We now have Video Toaster, which is so much better than before, but I don't fully know how to use it, many aspects of it are a mystery. We did have training sessions, but they were postponed before we got to the good stuff and now my schedule does not allow for me to go.

The church seems to want more and more video coverage for various services, but I don't see them passing out any checks. Don't they have any consideration for the non-staff people who serve? I now live about 45-hour away from there, so I am generally not willing to drive that far to direct a service that I have very little interest in and not even get gas money.....

That brings me to my next point. I haven't really had much interest in the services lately. I am not really into the youth services because obviously I am well past the age range, but also they do a lot of go-go stuff and as a non-DC native, I can't stand listening to it for more than 5 minutes at a time. We also in a way, have become like a mega church and at first that didn't bother me, but now it is frustrating. I am tired of people who don't really know me, trying to give me a sales pitch or trying to get something for nothing.

I think I like the idea of really getting to know people which seems a little easier in smaller venues.

Ministry can be very rewarding, but it can also be taxing. I hear a lot more about the ministers and leaders of the church than I want to hear sometimes. Ours has always been a somewhat divided ministry, so there's always a lot of talking behind people's back. WAY NOT COOL in my book, because I am the kind of person that will tell a person to their face what I think. No need to act like things are dandy, when they are not.... ahhh I am victim of my own reality.

I think my biggest issue is the leadership - just haven't been feeling nutured or had the opportunity to grow, so with that being said I will give it a little more thought and prayer.

But I am thinking that by 2005, I will not be there in that capacity if at all.