Of Rage and.....

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life. Even when the boob popped out of my bridesmaid dress was not as embarrassing as the debacle that occurred last night.

But first the good things......The turn out for the film was great - I couldn't believe how supportive everyone had been. And I did look cute ;) My friends from work came - I was so happy that they came - it meant a lot to me and they all got dressed up and they looked so good. Another good thing - at least the cast felt my pain and anguish. And last good thing, the alcohol I drank last night helped me to not seriously HURT someone.

First of all, I am not at all ghetto, but this was the most ghettofied thing I have ever experienced in my life. First we started late, which I could almost forgive, if the film had been completed. Second, the "executive producer" gets on stage and tells the audience this B.S. about his hard drive, blah blah blah (I am a no excuses kind of gal), so that didn't fly with me. Let me rewind and say that he had no credits on the film - beginning or ending credits! He told me that on the phone after I had already arrived, so I was already annoyed. But I didn't find about the sound mix until he was on stage telling the audience about it!

OH MY GOD - it was a horror of horrors. It would have been better for him to postpone it than to embarrass me and the entire cast like that. So on with the debacle itself. Sim the balladeer(not sure if I spelled his name right), comes on stage and performs one of the songs from the film.... that was cool and all, but it would have been better had Stef done something with the lights - but of course nobody else knows how to do anything.......but whatever. SO that was cool, but then he tries to set up his lap top and that's when it all goes downhill.

Can I tell you the SHOCK AND HORROR I felt when I saw that the promotion just before my film had all this ghetto stuff on it? It was like BET UNCUT, which is so inappropriate for the context of the film. SO we are off to a great start. After a series of annoying loud beeps and stuff, the film finally comes on - and when I say comes on - it just does that. No music, no credits, no sound! There were jump cuts everywhere - weird little nonsensical scenes that I had never seen before - and what it made it so bad.... was that they were unbearably long. A scene of Monique walking for what seemed like forever, a scene of Latoya driving through the city - not for any particular reason- just driving..... oh and let's not forget the music she was listening to that I seriously doubt had been cleared.

The editing was so choppy and I could see the boom, the tripod stand, and it seems like when we talked we agreed not to use those shots.....but Stefan wanted to do what he wanted to do. He called me Thursday and asked how I would feel about not having credits and I told him that was NOT an option. But again, he wanted to do what he wanted to do.

I felt so bad for everyone - because it was hard to endure. So I decided to have a strong drink - because I so needed to after this. (I should have started drinking earlier and I might not have been so pissed) And he has the NERVE to show up with some people from church. Fortunately, he was far from me. Because so help me I would have done some very unchristian things. And then earlier he tried to speak to me and said "hey, it's not my fault".

Well, then if it is not his fault, then who should I blame? I know I share some responsibility in this, because I let his ego go unchecked for so long. And it was the way he said it - as if I was tripping or over-reacting. UNBELIEVABLE - he made me look like a fool in front of about 400 people and I am tripping. Because he showed up with an unfinished product, with cheesy music in most places. The best song wasn't even used - that would have been the opening.

OK my thoughts are still a little incoherent - because of the alcohol and my delirium. I think I need to move to.............anywhere else!

Hopefully today will be better and I can live down this nightmare.