Dues please?

My god, when will my dues be paid?

Let me preface this by saying Thank God I still have a job, especially with the way things are going at work. But I have higher expectations for myself and for my career. My job is just not challenging at all - I feel like my brain cells are slowly dying - the same way I was starting to feel in the lab.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the company I work for, for the first time in my life. Ever since I moved to DC, I have wanted to work for them, and now I do (sort of). I am a contractor, but even still, it's a decent gig. But I think when I first started I was in the honeymoon phase, where (almost) everyday was great and I loved everybody. That's still true for the most part, but I am now really thinking about what it is I want to do.

The TRUTH is, I am very creative person, I am also very analytical (if those 2 can go together), my current job really doesn't allow me to utilize my talent. I need more responsibility, more excitement. I worry that without the right responsibility and mentor, I won't be able to "climb the corporate ladder". There is NO WAY in the world I am going to allow to get trapped into a job that doesn't allow me to grow. Been there, done that.

I have adjusted to the hours. I get a lot more done outside of work now than ever before, since I am a morning person. Despite the lack of challenge, I do think there is a positive side to all of this. I think that when things are slow, I can learn from the night editors. I think there are a few who may be willing to help me, because let's face it, administrative stuff is not my really thing, especially the low end administrative stuff.

I was born to be a leader, not to be someone's secretary. I know it's just a matter of time and that sometimes it takes awhile for the things that you work for to come to fruition, but patience is not really one of my virtues.

I think in a way, my need for security is one of the things that is holding me back. The other thing is confidence - not confidence in my ability - I have known all my life that I was one smart cookie :). I think it's the kind of confidence you need when you walk into a room and you feel you own it. I am not there yet on that one, but I am working on it. I haven't been secure in a long time, and it feels good to have an inkling of security. Stepping out on faith is hard, plus I think it's all a matter of timing. I guess opportunity is the marriage of timing and ability, so I WILL be patient (with God's help), and when the timing is right, I will make sure I am ready.