Karma

Sometimes I feel like I that I am a coldhearted person. Everyday when I walk down the street to my job, there is always somebody asking for money or random stuff. This morning for instance, a guy asked to used my cell phone so he could call his job. The old me would have probably let him use it, but I didn't want to. He looked a little sketchy and I thought about how I would want to lysol my phone afterwards - eh it just wouldn't be worth the feel good feeling you get from being to kind to someone else. So I told him - yeah...I don't want to. Probably not nice - but it was true. Shortly after, one of the usuals was asking if I could spare a little change? Do you not see me walking to work, I think... If I had chance to spare, I wouldn't be up at this hour headed to work...

I have a hard time giving to men on the streets. I am more inclined to give to women than men. There is something about a man begging that I find to be - distasteful. Some of the men on the streets now look younger and younger - which I find to be even more troubling. What could be more pathetic than a guy around my age out on the street begging? Are they just physically unable to work? I don't get it.

It isn't that I don't have compassion for those who have fallen on hard times. I know what it is like to be unemployed for a spell. I can sympathize - to a degree. I always have a twinge of guilt when I ignore someone or I say no. Sometimes I think about "what would Jesus do?" Jesus primarily focused on the less fortunate. But I guess I am not there yet. I am sympathetic to those who are victims of bad luck, not bad decisions.

Those who face finaincial ruin due to a natural disaster, illness, or job loss - well that really isn't their fault, but people who chose not to get an education or get a job. That is perplexing to me. How did they not get the memo that you need money to live? America has a lot of crap wrong with it, but last I checked it was free to get a high school diploma.

I often wonder what happens to a person that they end up on the streets. It really isn't my place to judge. I am fortunate to have had one parent in my corner. I am blessed now to have a job that allows me to provide for myself.

Sometimes I wonder if my saying "no" so much will come back to haunt me. I generally aim for good karma. Not that this will mean much to the karma gods, but I did buy a random guy a cup of coffee this past Saturday simply because he asked. Starbucks at that....