Motivation

What's up with my lack of it? I want a new job, a manfriend and some more freelance money....Why can't I get motivated? I don't even feel like updating my resume, maybe because what I do right now is not so pleasant to articulate. I am so blown. I have been trying to keep myself in check, but it is so hard. I am trying to keep everything in perspective and stay positive. I am competitive and I like winning - losing is so hard. In this case, I probably haven't lost in the long run, but even the short term troubles me.

Maybe if I was an abrasive rude bitch, I could advance. But that's just not me. True - I can be mean sometimes... but for the most part I am pretty nice. I think my "cuteness" sometimes makes it difficult for people to take me seriously. Don't get me wrong, people know when I mean business, but it's just that I look like a kid... it can be annoying sometimes.

On a different note, I want some new clothes so bad it hurts! But I can't do it, it would set me too far back. I will settle for a bunch of tulips - that will put me in a happy mood.