My apologies. I know I have been bitchy, emotional, and edgy lately. I cry at the drop of a dime and I am a lot more irritable than normal. I know a couple of folks who have commented on my unusual behavior and my outstanding command of the colorful side of the English language (particularly while driving).
I don't mean to be...but that hormone thing is the real deal. I think subconsciously I want others to feel as bad as I do. It's not intentional, that's just how I am feeling at the moment.
The little things that may only slightly irritate me, have infuriated me so much in the past couple of days, I wanted to really curse the perpetrators. It's just annoying.
Like the cleaning guys or just stupid idiots on the street...I hate them. I always have because I can feel them undressing me with their eyes all the time and it is really the most disgusting feeling. AS IF..... EWWW! It's one thing to admire a woman and step correctly, but it is quite another to be so lewd about it. Just one of the many daily annoyances. I wish boys would get a freakin' clue. The hormones kicked in, because I actually almost cussed these fools out yesterday. I wanted run them over....a little dramatic for me.
Then there's someone I have really mixed feelings about. I want to explain, but I am not sure he will be open to what I have to say. There really is a good reason why I have been so weird and I just hope he will let me get it all off my chest. I realized I couldn't handle things a little after the fact and it was awkward, I know. I am still dealing with a lot of other stuff, but I would at least like to have a chance to break it down.
Maybe it's not even worth the explanation, but I would hate to believe that. I am not quite ready to see things that way I suspect they are. I couldn't handle that right now on top of everything else. Once the hormones wear off, I will be able to deal with it a lot easier. Deep down I already know the deal, but I hate playing games. I just want to put it out there, and then so be it. I am just not good at hiding my feelings no matter what they are.
I have this fear that I will never articulate, because I don't want to put it out in the universe. It is my deepest fear, and it kept me from sleeping last night. It's worse than snakes and all the other stuff that creeps me out. It's even worse than my fear of failure. It has been on my mind a lot and I wish I could just make it go away.
All that to say, that in a couple days all will be normal again....
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