Randomania

I had a rough weekend. I don't know how I would have made it through it without three of my friends. I was feeling so sad and lonely. I was feeling frustrated because it seems like nothing is going right and I don't have any control over anything right now. I was feeling irritated because the men (and I use that term loosely) in my life (and by in my life, I mean not really)are such collosal jerks, I can't even take it.

I made the decision to be single, and I think it was a good choice. I would rather be single than to keep going through the same cycle. But dating makes me wonder if I will ever find someone - ever.... Maybe I am meant to be alone, I don't know. I think I deserve better, but maybe my standards are too high. Maybe wanting someone to treat me with respect and love me is WAY too much to hope for. Maybe wanting someone to get to know me before trying to poke me is just out of reach. Maybe in the world of me, true love is like the holy grail. (Does that really even exist by the way?)

So the Ex calls me and starts rambling on and on about some ceiling fan (yawn, snooze, are you done yet? oh okay, good - I have something I need to do) HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU - I AM NOT INTERESTED. NOT ONLY AM I NOT INTERESTED, IT PISSES ME OFF, so please just stop.

Then to call me later that night, by later I mean past midnight - with this endearing invitation: "So are you going over or not?" Hmmm, let me think about that - HELL NO! Why do you even ask me such stupid questions? NO I AM NOT COMING OVER - I HAVE NO INTEREST IN COMING OVER TO YOUR HOUSE! I hate everything about it. I am not using my time or gas money to venture out your way only to get myself angry. It would just be another worthless evening.

We don't have anything left. I don't have much to say and I have no interest in waht you have to say. We are and have been at a stalemate. Fine - I am not compromisinng. If you can't understand why I needed to be treated well, regardless of....don't even get me started. My blood pressure is going up. The point is, I am not interested in your booty calls. I want a real relationship.

That being said, how many booty calls can you get in one weekend? Different guy, but he didn't get a chance to ask, but I knew where it was headed. NO. I want a real relationship. I would just rather wait for the right one (which I hope he exists) than to waste the pretty on all these losers.

Oh yeah, by the way Jersey Boy, stop calling. I am not interested. It's not you, it's me ;)

So my friends made it a lot better. I went to a film premiere with one and she brought me eggs. She noticed Safeway was having a special and she got me some. That was so great. So thoughtful - such a small thing, but it made my night. My other friend, what can I say? He is always so thoughtful - he is one of the people I feel I can call when things are crazy and he will have my back. And my best friend, sometimes I hate that we aren't in the same city, but I am glad we stay in touch. I got just as upset abouther situation as she was with mine. There was something about that whole ankle thing that really pissed me off - but I digress. Thanks for listening to me.