Could You Walk On Water While You're At It?

Could you love me unconditionally, can you be at my beck and call 24/7? Can you not ask me where I am going and when I am coming back, but give me a detailed itinerary of your comings and goings? I'm a man, I am handling my business, and how I spend my time is none of yours, but can you have dinner ready for me when I walk through the door and uh - wear something sexy. Can you wash and fold my drawers because afterall that's woman's work. Oh, can you be sensitive to all my quirks and idiosyncrasies, while I call you crazy and weird because of yours? Can you understand that I can't treat you nicely until you put out? And that foreplay thing - so overrated. It should be enough that I pulled my pants down - what, that's not enough - I don't know why you be trippin. Can you please not expect me to hold you - I told you, I am not that affectionate. Can you not get irritated when I see you carrying 5-6 bags of groceries and I don't offer to help - you're doing good, besides your muscles will get stronger. Can you trust me 100% even though I refuse to talk to you? Can you be excited about everything that is happening for ME? Can we do everything MY way, because you don't know what you are talking about and MY way is the ONLY way. Can you respect the fact that I am an old-fashioned man, meaning you do what I say - period? Can you cook and fix my plate - and stop wearing those sweats? Can I ignore your feelings entirely or even better apologize to get you to shut up and then do the same thing that irritated you in the first place over and over? Is it ok if I place everything and everyone else in my life above you, especially since I keep telling you that I plan on marrying you? Can I make you think I plan on marrying you just to keep you interested? Heck I would marry you, if you only act right... Oh and while you are up, can you grab me a beer?