Immortal Mortal

I had a most difficult conversation with my mom. I was in a relatively good mood when she called and wanted to discuss her burial plot. Naturally, it makes me wonder if she isn't telling me something I should know - "so I won't worry" When I go home, she wants to make sure we go over all her financial records and her will. I hate these types of conversations, but I guess I can understand why it is necessary. It seems my mom has come to terms with her mortality. The problem is - I haven't. There is so much she still needs and wants to do. I don't know what I'd do without her - which I guess is why having that conversation is so difficult. I can't imagine my life without her in it.

I guess the impetus behind this most recent discussion stemmed from her sister's plans to buy a burial plot. Apparently she passed out a couple of weeks ago (why am I just now finding out about this?) because her blood sugar dropped too much. I don't think she was ever officially diagnosed with diabetes, but it is not surprising since it seems to run rampant in my family.

My biggest issue is when my relatives conveniently avoid telling me things because they are afraid that I will worry. My biggest worry is not being there, which is why this year I am making a concerted effort to go home as much as possible.

I have been feeling a strong urgency to see my family now more than ever. I will be home in a couple of weeks to celebrate my Uncle's 70th birthday. That is so hard to believe and I will go home again the following month for the weekend. I may try to go in August as well - this is much better than my once a year Christmas visit.

Although I am not comfortable with the idea of my family's mortality, I want to make a conscious effort to see them and enjoy them as much as I can.