Anxiety Rocks

So the final weigh in for the biggest loser is in about 7 hours and I have to admit, I am really nervous about it. I have been in the lead for about 5 consecutive weeks, but the guy in second place only had 2 pounds to lose to beat me by .01%....so I am extremely nervous. Of course, since our last weigh in, I lost about 1.5 lbs, but this week has been brutal. I didn't really stick to my normal routine, because I want to win so bad, so I cut back on Starbucks (brutal) and I gave up my Wednesday splurge meal. Wednesday has been ny day off - no exercise and I can have a couple of guilty pleasures. But not this week - and I must admit that after the weigh in - I am gonna go eat something!

I really hope I win, but in a way I still have won. I have lost about 16 lbs since we started and I feel a lot healthier, despite my allergies to just about everything. I am down about 2 sizes which is crazy - my clothes don't fit at all, so I have invested in belts - but I think some alterations are in order.

I really have been sweating this last week - I was hoping it would be a runaway victory - but the suspense is killing me. My competition has been living on oatmeal and yogurt all week and biking like crazy....I can't do that...so my last push will be an hour on the elliptical in about 3 hours. My obsession with winning is driving everything right now - so much so that I can't sleep.

So....I changed desks this week. I have officially moved to my new spot. It's strangely quiet - not really sure how to work without a lot of chaos. It's kinda cool to have actual complete thoughts. It feels a tad unfamiliar - I may actually be able to get in touch with my own voice.

I have just perused Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office and now I have quite a few action items to complete. I read many of the mistakes and laughed out loud as I saw myself in quite a few of them. The first thing and perhaps the hardest will be getting people to call me by my full name. I even call myself CJ so....or "seige" so that will be an interesting transition.

I will simultaneously work on ways that I communicate - I am great at leaving long winded messages (not good) - I am also great at leaving short concise and to the point messages - which is what I need to focus on. And then I have to work on meetings. My new job will require me to go to a lot more meetings. So I will have to work on staying awake and then actually becoming an active participant. I need a prop or something that makes me appear to be rivited - quite frankly some of them are really boring...but I will play the game.

It will be a weird transition particularly because I am going from having a lot more autonomy to being almost completely bound to someone else's agenda. We'll see how that goes. It will be fun to see how I adapt. I am really just hoping to learn something from all this and grow - so if that happens, it will be a win-win.