Heck of a Week

This has been a heck of a week. It started off crazy by my unusual behavior and now I am playing the waiting game. Will he or won't he?

I was told some rather disturbing news by my ex and I think the thing that bothers me the most is that what he told me bothers me at all. On so many levels, it bothers me. Why even talk to me, if you gonna tell me some nonsense like that? Act like you know I am NOT cool. This man has known me for seven years, so his surprise at my reaction is baffling. Have I ever been cool about this entire situation? Have I ever been unclear? Clearly he was and still is only thinking about himself, but I am not surprised.

Then I had to go to work, which lately has been extremely frustrating. It sucks that I truly love the company I work for, but I am not so crazy about the department I am in. So, person who hired the supervisor over me claimed that he would train her, but of course, when it came time to do that, he was conveniently absent, so I ended up having to do it. And admittedly, I didn't do a really good job. I told her how I do it, and clearly she works differently from me, which is fine. I offer suggestions and she sometimes she seems disinterested. That's fine. It will give me a chance to go out and take a break. Maybe that will work out best. I was on my feet half the night - oh maybe that's because I was doing 2 jobs....hmmm. But I am not bitter - well maybe a little.

It will take a little while for the transition I guess, but people still call me about that stuff, and I am willing to give it up entirely. There's no gratification in being #2 or not being compensated or even recognized for all the extra effort. I was really angry near the beginning of the week, but now I am getting better. I had a praise break and it really helped - I was really genuinely nice yesterday, before it definitely wasn't genuine, it was more cordial.

I am a little sick and I am not sure what is wrong with me. I went to the doctor and now I am just waiting. She says I look normal, but I don't feel normal. I KNOW something is wrong. I took some tests and maybe that will help explain it. I hope it's nothing, but I am sure it is something. I hope that whatever it is can be cured with a pill. Aside from my stomach problems (which seem to occur I get really stressed out), my back is killing me, my hip hurts and my knee cracks - I hope I don't have Arthritis.

All in all, I am glad this week is over. Hopefully next week will be a LOT better.