I haven't had a full nights sleep in a week. Why couldn't I just say it? What is my problem? I don't know why I am so afraid. I think I am pissed with myself which is why I can't sleep. I came about two seconds away from getting darned close to what I want - and then I freeze. In fact, I got offered exactly what I said I wanted - sorta. If I had taken the bait... Do I really want what I think I want? If I did, wouldn't I stop being timid about it? I think the rewards outweigh the risks - I think. It at least seems like I could place myself in a better position in the long run - although it could be a minor setback in the short term. Am I still crazy and impetuous as I was in my 20s? I would hope that I have gained a little wisdom and self-control since then.
This is the deal - something has got to change. I am starting to feel suffocated again - so do I leave one situation and head for a similar one, but with greater financial rewards, or do I stay and try to make my situation better? Can I actually do it? Probably....if that's what it takes. I don't know if I can do what I am supposed to do- much less take on any additional. I have been - eh not at my best or even 50%.
I thought the new year would help lift me out of all that, but not so much. I am even worse than December - and I was all about vacation. Speaking of which, that is yet another decsision I can't seem to make - where to spend Memorial Day? Outer Banks, LA, cruise? I have to go somewhere....
I am looking forward to Las Vegas. Only a month and some change away! See, that's all I look forward to - weekends and vacation and lunch....de'ja vu.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment